Casual sex is a tricky thing. At time, it's glorious. At other times, it's complicated. This week's Sex Stories We Love looks at the ups and downs of spontaneous, occasional, extemporaneous, and impromptu connections.
Navigating Casual Sex
Oh, but if casual sex were only so easy to navigate as it is in our minds. In some utopia, somewhere, there's a grand idea that people could relate their feelings and desires in ways that are consensual, respectful, honest, and sexy! Alas, we've been stuck in a mire of sexual attitudes brought on by years and years of negative sex culture and rule by those who taught us that sex is supposed to be two monogamous CIS straight people. End of story. As a result, we've totally lost the plot of how to ensure casual connections are enjoyable and fun for everyone involved. Slowly, we're learning this back, although it is taking time and a whole lot of unlearning at the same time. These great tips for navigating casual sex from Cyndi Darnell can help you get there.
Things Might Change...They Might Not
Casual sex isn't everyone's cup of tea. For some, this kind of fun just doesn't fit into their sexual personality (more on that below). However, some folks do embrace this type of sexuality, either in short bursts or as long-term lifestyles, and sometimes slip in and out between bouts of monogamy. Choosing a life of non-monogamous, unstructured sexual activity has many positives, including fun, adventure, self-confidence, and independence. However, some people who do enjoy the casual life may later decide that they'd like the positive that comes with a partnered relationship. Ultimately, either path is a good one if it is the one that makes you happy.
End the Stigma
So, yeah, casual sex has long had a bad rap. Well, for most people...somehow straight dudes have gotten away with gettin' around without being cast out or shamed. Maybe a tsk-tsk or whispers... Everyone else, on the other hand has been subjected to slut shaming and negative character attacks just because they've enjoyed another person's sexual company. I fully agree that it's time to end the stigma around casual sex. These are our bodies. We're moving toward being the most sexually educated and conscious generation. It is still going to take time, and a lot of cultural shift, but we can get there. And with that, we can make the sexual decisions that are right for us.
For some, the right decision about casual sex will be to not engage. And, the funny thing is, in some instances, this will also be met with stigma. Even though people are demonized for pursuing casual sex, we're also sometimes thought less of if we aren't interested in this kind of connection. The term demisexual is not too new, but it is still fairly misunderstood. The sexual spectrum is much wider than we've been taught, and growing all the time. The addition of demisexuality under the canopy allows us to understand the connection, beyond the physical is a desire and need for some folks.
All Good Things...
Now, even if you're totally into casual sex, hook-ups, friends with benefits, or whatever you want to call it, that doesn't mean they're always going to go according to plan. Sometimes, the absolute best casual sex situation can just...peter out. Now, sure, the idea of a casual connection should mean that the end of something that was good shouldn't be a big problem. However, pursing a casual sex connection doesn't mean that you don't have feelings. These feelings don't have to be all relationship-y, but they can still affect you. At the same time, if you continue a FWB situation, you just might lose interest after a while. Both of these situations need to be considered and dealt with as they come up. And who says casual sex is easy?
Finally, has this little chat about casual sex intrigued you? Check out these great casual sex tips from five women.
Do you need ideas for your next steamy scene? Take our quiz to get a personalized scene built just for you!
If you're just tipping your toe into the world of BDSM, you may be unsure where to even start when it comes to planning out a scene.
We made this quiz to provide you with your next, or first, BDSM scene based on your own tastes and desires!