This is an excerpt from "Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life" by Elle Chase. It has been reprinted here with permission.
Throughout history women’s bodies have been painted, sculpted, and drawn in a variety of different sizes and characteristics - evidence of a wide definition for what was considered appealing at any particular time. Larger women in particular have been deemed the height of sexual desirability at many points in history: from the plump and fleshy women Peter Paul Rubens represented in his Baroque paintings, to the exaggerated large men and women Fernando Botero depicted in the 1950s, to the voluptuous hourglass bombshells motion pictures made famous in the 1960s.
For several decades, a thinner physique was the apex of sexual desirability. But today, curvy is seeing a resurgence. More curvy women are accepting, even loving, their bodies as they are, flaunting their luscious curves, their ample tummies, and their bodacious butts and breasts. Together, we’re rallying companies to carry more sizes of chic and stylish clothes, and fashion houses are responding not only by extending their size ranges in existing ready-to-wear collections but also by creating clothing lines with curvy women in mind.
Entertainment and media conglomerates are finally recognizing that curvy women are desirable, viable, bankable and sought-after sexual beings. Melissa McCarthy is carrying her own movies with top billing, and plus-size models have graced the covers of top fitness and fashion magazines, including Ashley Graham on the cover of the famed Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. As a community, we have expanded everyone’s idea of what a sensual, sexy, sexual, beautiful, smart, empowered, modern woman looks like. We are showing the world how sexy we are, and boy, is it listening.
Not every position will work for you. In fact, if this book gives you just a few new positions you enjoy, I’d call that a success. After all, changing up your routine with a partner can be challenging. You might find new positions that are simply too demanding right now, but don’t fret. Barring any health limitations, you can perform stretches and become more flexible to eventually achieve more advanced poses. The fact of the matter is that the positions you might see porn stars doing are not positions the rest of us can do right off the bat, if at all. These actors are professionals - in fact, think of them as trained athletes. You wouldn’t expect to wake up on a Sunday morning and run a marathon without any training, would you? Athletic accomplishments, including sexual ones, take practice.
Think about trying new positions like learning new dance moves. At first it feels awkward and you may make missteps or feel clumsy, but once you get the hang of it, you can incorporate these new moves like they’ve always been part of your repertoire. Though 101 positions is a lot, it’s not an exhaustive list. You may find yourself trying a position in the book and then coming up with your own modifications or hacks, and to that I say, “Good for you! Spread the word! Tell your friends!”
What Is Sexy?
Good question. I’m glad you asked. YOU! You are sexy. Everyone is sexy. I believe that “sexy” is an attribute, something we are all born with. You may have heard it a million times, but sexiness is how we project what and how we feel. We all have sex appeal, but our sex appeal is not going to be everyone’s definition of sexy. Because we all have different turn-ons and diverse desires, what’s sexy to you isn’t necessarily what’s sexy to me and vice versa. Unwashed hair, overalls, and clumsy might be a delicious a combination for Mary, as very tall, rotund and bespectacled is for Jill. It works both ways. Not everyone we find sexy will find us sexy too. It’s the luck of the draw, or chemistry, or fate, or biology, or a whole soup of mysterious things - one never knows. However, we are each sexy in our own, distinctive ways.
Here’s the deal. I’m not going to tell you to look in the mirror and say affirmations that you’re beautiful and sexy, or tell yourself “I love you the way you are.” That may be too big a jump if you’re not there yet. Continuously ask yourself, “What makes me feel confident, comfortable, grounded, joyful, connected, and mischievous?” Start noticing when you feel that way and why. Noticing these things is the first step to feeling and embracing your own brand of sexy.
If you struggle to find something nice to think or say about yourself, at least say something factual and neutral. Maybe you like your hair color or the shape of your nose. Find the parts of you that you can at least view neutrally if not positively. Return to these statements every time you notice your thinking is not serving you. Soon, you will be acutely aware of how much time you spend hating on yourself, and turn your thoughts around for the better. Once you’ve achieved that step, keep moving forward. Admit (and believe it when you say) that “I look pretty good today.” By building a practice of this kind of thinking, you will soon notice how much better you feel. You will gain confidence and in this way find your brand of sexy. Soon, you will be all up in your own sexiness, and there will be no stopping you!
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