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BDSM can be both naughty and nice! From floggers to feather ticklers and from chains to ribbons, BDSM has what you need to get off!




With the popularity of many mainstream kink movies, the idea of bringing kinky sex into your own bedroom is becoming much more common. BDSM provides couples with an easy way to connect, be adventurous in the bedroom and, of course, have more intense orgasms!

When people think about kinky sex for the first time, they mostly think about the most common activities: spanking, blindfolds and restraints. If that's where you want to start (or stay!), that's fine. However, be aware that the world of BDSM and kink is gigantic, and there's a huge variety for you to explore out there. Other, less-common kink activities include: chastity, orgasm denial, sensual rope bondage, tickling, clamps, pet play, latex/rubber enjoyment, nipple play, and gags. Of course, that's still a small list of all of the hundreds of activities and kinks out there!

With such a open world to jump into, though, it's no surprise that a lot of people are frozen with nervousness when it comes to picking out their first kink toys. Where should they start? What's good for a beginner? What's going to be gentle enough for safety while being kinky enough for fun? Those are all valid questions, and we're hoping this BDSM toy buyer's guide really helps to allay any of your fears.

Here are some basic questions to consider when searching for a new BDSM toy:

  • What type of kinky sex do yo have in mind? What toys will you need for it?
  • How much can you spend on your toy?
  • Where will you be using your new kinky toys?
  • How long do you plan on keeping your toy?
  • Will you be using this toy with multiple people or just by yourself?

Read: 7 BDSM Tips for First-Timers

Types of BDSM Toys

Nipple Toys

Specifically designed for added sensation and pleasure of the nipples, nipple toys might include pasties, nipple vibrators, nipple pumps, and nipple clamps. The nipples can be highly erogenous zones for people of all genders, and these nipple-focused toys take advantage of that fact. Some toys are designed more for intense sensations while others will offer a gentler option.

Good beginner options include:

Crave Droplet

Crave Droplet


Fifty Shades The Pinch Nipple Clamps
Fifty Shades The Pinch Nipple Clamps

Read: 5 Steps for Choosing Nipple Clamps

Whips and Floggers

Contrary to popular belief, playing with whips and floggers doesn't have to be pain-inducing. Many materials, such as suede, faux fur, or soft leather, will provide a sensation similar to a deep tissue massage. Whips and floggers can be used to bring pleasure or pain to most areas of the body, but the safest places still include the butt, back, and thighs.

Good beginner options include:

LELO SENSUA Suede Whip
LELO SENSUA Suede Whip

Sportsheets Leather Paddle w/ Fur Side
Sportsheets Leather Paddle w/ Fur Side

Bondage

Who hasn't seen something with bondage in it before? Bondage toys include anything that can be used to restrain another person's movement. This includes wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, rope, ribbons, thigh cuffs, and more. Cuffs can range from extremely-secure to much-more-gentle to offer an option for you no matter where you are in your bondage journey.

Good beginner options include:

BONDaids Handcuffs
BONDaids Handcuffs

Sportsheets Under the Bed Restrain System

Sportsheets Under the Bed Restrain System

LELO Etherea Silk Cuffs
LELO Etherea Silk Cuffs

Read: Why Bondage Can Be So Much Fun

Headgear

A broad category, "headgear" includes any kinky items that can be worn in or around the head. This would include face masks, gags, collars, full-face coverings, ear plugs, face harnesses, and more.

Sensory Play

For those who love a softer touch to BDSM, sensory play toys are where you'll find your favorites. Sensory play is the idea of tantalizing the senses - usually done through gentle and soft methods. Think about tying up your partner and making them shiver as you run ice, feathers, wax, and massage oil along their skin while they lay and anticipate your every next move.

Genital Clamps

Similar to the nipple clamps mentioned above, genital clamps are clamps specifically designed for use on the genitals - including penises and vaginas. When clamps temporarily restrict blood flow to an area, the wearer gets an intense sensation when the clamp is removed from the area.

Good beginner options include:

Lovehoney Beginner's Silicone Clitoral Clip
Lovehoney Beginner's Silicone Clitoral Clip


Fifty Shades Darker Just Sensation Beaded Clitoral Clip
Fifty Shades Darker Just Sensation Beaded Clitoral Clip

Read: 8 Tips for Using Genital Clamps

BDSM Kits

If you don't know where to start with BDSM, a BDSM Kit might be just the place to look! Most kits include multiple items designed for kinky play, and the most common type of kit includes four cuffs, a collar, and a flogger/paddle of some sort. While these items tend to be lower-quality and more affordable than if you'd bough each individual item separately, they offer an easy way to try a bunch of different kinky activities without having to buy multiple toys. Experiment with BDSM kits, find out what you enjoy, and upgrade your toys for the things you love!

Why Would I Want to Use BDSM Toys with a Partner?

Great question! Here are just a few reasons ...

To Try Something New

Maybe you're just bored with standard sex or maybe you just want to see what else can fulfill your erotic needs. No matter what the reason, kink offers a huge variety of unexplored sexual options. Sure, mixing up your sex positions is certainly one way to try new things in the bedroom, but it can be hard to always feel like you're embarking on new things with only a new change of angle. BDSM offers a wide variety of new toys and activities to try.

To Get Closer to Your Partner

Trying any new experience together is a simple way to bring the two of you closer together - it's scientifically proven! Whether it's a new restaurant, skydiving, or a blindfold, people foster intimacy and trust when they do new things together. Just like any of the clothed adventures you both could explore, BDSM and kinky sex are just a whole new facet of exploration - only you get to do it naked, and orgasms are usually involved!

To Increase Communication

Everything about BDSM revolves around communication, trust and negotiation. Submitting to your partner means you trust them not to hurt you. Being in charge of your partner means that you've communicated and understand what they do and don't want to do. A common statement in kink might sound something like this: "I'd really love to be restrained, but I really don't want to feel any pain tonight. I know you want to spank me, though, so can we compromise and use the fur paddles?" A lot of newcomers to BDSM find this open style of communication quickly falling into other aspects of their life: "Honey, can you take the kids to practice? I know you have a book club meeting tonight, but I'll have dinner ready and the dishes clean when you get home in exchange."

Staying Safe While Using BDSM Toys

Much like a lot of intense activities people enjoy, BDSM does have some safety risks. Similar to "vanilla" risky activities, though, there are things that people can do to reduce their risk of having any problems with this fun bedroom activity. Here are some to keep in mind:

Have a Safeword

This is the number 1 recommended tip for any type of BDSM safety. While saying "no" might work for a lot of things, a lot of scenes in kink can be based around blurring the lines of explicit consent. Of course, you always want consent from your partner ahead of time - but having a safeword during BDSM play ensures that your partner has an easy to way to say "I don't consent!" without anyone getting confused. After all, if you tie your partner spread eagle to the bed, and tease her with a vibrator, and she starts whining and attempting to escape, you need to know whether she's actually upset - or just turned on by her inability to escape. Having a non-sexual word, such as "red", as a safeword means that your partner could just say "Red!" and you'd know she was serious. Otherwise, she can continue to squirm against her bounds and you don't have to be worried about her actually wanting out.

Know Your Own Limits

While it can be fun to explore all of the places that kinky sex can take us, keep your own limits in mind. If you know that your knees can only stay in a certain position for so long, voice that concern before you assume that position. If you don't know how to wield a specific toy, do your research beforehand, warn your partner and start slow. A lot of damage can be done by someone using a toy they don't properly know how to use. Know your own lack of knowledge and take steps to rectify it before you jump right in. There is a lot of kink safety information online (even here on Kinkly!) as well as a plethora of BDSM books out there to expand your knowledge.

Know Your Partner's Health History

Especially for any types of intense bondage, make sure you know your partner's health history. Have they broken any bones? Is anywhere feeling sore? What's their flexibility? Do they have any bad joints? Do they have any diseases or illnesses that may reduce blood flow or cause concerns? Take all of these things into account when planning a scene to avoid aggravating any potential issues - and make sure to be prepared to instantly stop a scene if you're playing anywhere near those limitations.

What Type of BDSM Toy Is Going To Be Good for You?

That's a great question! Here are some things to think about that'll help you figure it out.

What Do You Want to Experience?

With a toy such as a dildo, knowing what you want to experience is easy - after all, you just want to experience penetration. With BDSM toys, the variety of toys is so unique that there are hundreds of different experiences you can get from them. Before you can buy a toy, then, you'll need to decide what you want to experience from it. Are you looking to be spanked, restrained, tickled, teased, bound, squeezed, silenced, feel anonymous, or more? Do you want a gentle experience with any of those things - or do you want it to be rough and intense? All of those considerations will come into play when choosing a BDSM toy.

Are you Concerned about Materials?

While material selection isn't as important in bondage toys as it may be in dildos, vibrators, or other insertable toys, it can still make a difference. For example, vegans may not be interested in using the plethora of leather bondage toys you can find. If you're hoping to present a luxurious experience, cuffs that fasten with noisy velcro and are made of nylon may not be your favorite choice. Wooden paddles may seem sexier, but they're going to offer a whole lot more stinging pain compared to a faux fur paddle. Material selection will have a large impact on the price of your items, so you may need to make a trade-off between ideal material and how much you're willing to spend.

Will You Be Using This With Other People?

If your BDSM toy purchase is going to be a community toy, you'll specifically want to seek out toys that are easier to clean - especially if they're going to be regularly exposed to bodily fluids. For example, silicone paddles may be a better choice than faux fur paddles - as any bodily fluids will more easily wash off of the surface of silicone, and silicone can be fully sterilized between partners. However, be aware that many BDSM toys are not made out of sterilizable materials, so you'll either need to use regular cleansers (and accept a higher risk) or allow the toy to be out-of-commission long enough for any germs to die.

Where Will You Use Your Toy?

Where you plan on using your toy will make a difference in what toys work best. If you want to play on the bed in your bedroom, an Under-The-Bed Restraint System might be perfect. On the other hand, that 8-foot whip you picked up? Yeah, that might just take everything off the shelves on your walls. The same can be said about other toys. If you want to use your restraints or bondage items in the water, you'll likely want to pick out something made of neoprene - leather won't enjoy being damp that often.

How Long Do You Hope to Keep Your Toy?

Like many other items out there, material choice and quality makes in difference in the lifespan of your item. Wrist restraints made out of Velcro and nylon may not hold up twenty years down the line, but most leather restraints will. A cheap "Starter Bondage Kit" that is probably filled with items that will break with excess force or lots of use is a good place to start your adventure, but if you're hoping to keep these items around for years to come, you'll likely find yourself upgrading to higher-quality options.

Is This Your First Toy of Its Kind?

While there's always something to be said for experiencing some of the best and highest-quality of any particular type of item out there, there's also something to be said for saving money on a purchase that you may not fall in love with. You'll want to weigh your options - features versus cost - and figure out what has enough features for you to be satisfied without running your budget dry. At the same time, make sure the affordable price allows you to get an item that will be decent-enough quality to enjoy the item you've purchased. Reading reviews will help with that. Remember: if you fall in love with the type of toy, you can always purchase a better version of it in the future.

That marks the end of our BDSM Toy Buyer's Guide! While BDSM and kink can be a very fulfilling experience, it might be a scary journey to first embark on. Once you've used this guide to help you make your first steps, though, we hope you'll find yourself playing "Collect them All!" with the hundreds of thousands of options out there designed just for your kinky fun!

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