The Product: Zumio X
The Verdict : (out of five)
New sex technology? Sign me right up! As soon as I set my eyes on the Zumio X, I knew I wanted it between my legs. Instead of vibrating, the Zumio X wrings orgasms out of you with a tip that makes tiny rotations (over and over and over) just like a finger does!
Instead of taking the "broad pleasure potential" that many wand massagers do, the Zumio X does the exact opposite: it picks a pinpoint spot and goes to town.
And boy, was I ready to take this unique sex toy to town.
Our First Date
The Zumio X and I got off to a rocky start.
The (always discreet!) shipping box from Kinkly Shop was ripped open as soon as UPS dropped it my doorstep. Ignoring all of the packaging, theZumio X was cradled in my hands as I attempted to turn it on.
Nothing. Nada. Nothing wrong with that - not all vibrators come charged from the factory. It just meant I had to temper my childish impatience a bit. The Zumio X was shoved into its charging cradle at 3PM.
"Hell yeah," I thought. "That'll be more than enough time to charge it to play tonight. I've never met a sex toy that needs more than even four hours to charge!"
Well, the afternoon came and went, and I greedily pulled that slim sex toy from its charging base. Spreading my legs with no hesitation, I turned the ZumioX on and dived right in.
And let me tell you: it feels really, really intense. Those initial sensations of this powerful toy were just ...wow. Mindblowingly different than any other sex toy I've ever used. It was definitely a “Oh god, I could definitely get used to this!”
Unfortunately, twenty seconds later, the Zumio X died. There definitely was some cursing – and I wasn't quiet about it. I turned it back on. It died twenty seconds later. More cursing.
I wanted to try this toy so damn much that I repeated the process four more times before accepting defeat. There's no way my long-awaited pleasure session was happening how I wanted it to that night.
A bit more grumpy for the experience, I figured I'd contact the sex toy's support channel in the morning. In the meantime, though, I figured I might as well charge it. So back onto the charging base it went while I slept that night.
I could pretend that I went and did something more productive first thing in the morning, but nope. As soon as I woke up, I ran over to that charging base and ripped the Zumio X out of its temporary home. Not getting my hopes up all over again, I pressed the "on" button and waited as the non-vibrating sex toy rotated on my palm.
And I waited. And I waited. I think it was over a minute before I decided that it was safe to turn it back off - and that I could depend on this sex toy once more.
Moral of the story: the charging time for the Zumio X is well-over any other vibrator I've ever used - and I've used over a thousand vibes at this point.
Once you have the toy and it's been charged, you'll likely never notice this delay unless you run it dead. But for that first use, you'll have to employ some patience (more than I have, apparently!). To prevent anything from ever getting in the way of your pleasure, I'd recommend popping the Zumio X back into its charging cradle anytime you're done with it to top-off the power.
(Now that the discarded packaging has been brought back into the fold, I can tell you that the instruction manual says the Zumio X needs 16 HOURS to charge. Yes, 16 hours.)
The Second, Third, and Fourth Dates
Once the vibrator was back into my good graces and past my anxiety-inducing charging concerns, I was ready to give it another try. Now that I've done that initial charge, the Zumio and I are functioning like BFFs. I throw it on the charger when I'm not using it, and it's never let me down yet.
The coolest part of the Zumio X is that it doesn't vibrate - at all. I can't think of any sex toy on the market that's even mildly similar to the sensation that Zumio X provides. It's so orgasmic and unique in a way that no other sex toy has ever managed.
And it's so INTENSE. I absolutely love strong, rumbly vibrations that are pressed firmly against my pleasure spots. It's my kryptonite.
But the Zumio X? It's a toy that must be used with feline grace with the softest of touchest. Any sort of firm pressure goes far into the "Does not compute, too much sensation!" zone. You know that sensation you get when you know you've touched a zone that's just *too* sensitive, and you need to pull it back a bit? That's what rough pressure with the Zumio X feels like.
But that gentle pressure? That gentle pressure is some of the most powerful, dedicated pleasure I've ever felt. It easily could ramp me up to orgasm in less than a minute with no problem.
It feels like the Zumio X needs to be used like a precise instrument - like the powerful tool of mass orgasmic power that it is. You can use this slender tool to tease yourself to the verge of orgasm again and again without touching a single button.
I just allow the vibrator to have a feather-light touch on my clit, and it's an astounding tease. Add more pressure, though, and it quickly ramps into "orgasm NOW". It's absolutely amazing to have this much power on a sex toy without ever needing to fuss with any part of it. Just turn it on, and it's a perfect and seamless replacement for my finger.
It's doesn't feel like any other sex toy I've ever tried (and peeps, I've tried a lot!).
The Zumio X is definitely on the softer side of noise as well. Discretion isn't a concern for me, but the Zumio X's rotational design still allows for a softer sound footprint. While my partner remarked on the sound within the same room, he was unable to hear it at all in the next room with the door open – even through the quiet space of our place. I would love the Zumio X even if it was a bit louder, but the quiet sensations are just a bonus!
A Committed Relationship
After these dates, it's safe to say that the Zumio X and I are now in a committed relationship. We're definitely polyamorous (so I can still see all of my other toys!), but we're definitely committed.
It's powerful, amazing, and will reliably get me to orgasm with zero "effort" on my part. It's rare that a sex toy can manage that one! (Air suction toys are the only other ones I've found that share that same amazing feature for me!)
When I want a guaranteed orgasm, the Zumio X is where it's at.
(Plus, this loving vibe offers other stuff that makes my orgasm experience pretty seamless! Stuff like:
- A travel lock
- Waterproof for simple cleaning
- Sturdy plastic toy cap to protect the tip
- Drawstring bag for discreet storage)