The Product: Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System
The Verdict: (out of five)
Murderers in therapy. I joke that's My Type. Not necessarily because I actually want someone to kill me (lol?), but because the I-D-E-A of my partner being able to physically dominate me turns me on—and is the exact reason that most of my ex-lovers are hockey, football, or rugby players.
Alas, as a rugby player-cum-competitive CrossFit athlete myself, finding someone who’s actually stronger than me and working on healing from their childhood traumas? Well, that’s harder than CrossFit Open Workout 18.4 (for those unfamiliar with the sport, kindly sub that functional fitness reference with “simultaneous orgasm vis à vis penetrative intercourse”).
Luckily, my own therapy is working and I no longer prioritize whether or not someone is stronger than me over whether or not they treat well. In fact, the human I’ve been kissing as of late isn’t necessarily stronger than me, but is a genuinely nice person(?!?!), a total babe (I say, unbiasedly), in therapy, and communicative AF in and out of bed.
Still, for me that “you could control me, but you won’t” energy is intoxicating, and feeling it from time-to-time in my sex life is important to me. As a monogamous person, I didn't want to go outside my relationship to find it. And that’s exactly why the Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System caught my eye.
What They Do
“The purpose of the restraints is, well, to restrain you,” sex educator and sales representative with Sportsheets, Sylvia Lopez tells me. “Good quality, secure, and incredibly versatile, it’s a great way for folks to explore and engage with BDSM.”
In short, it’s the perfect way for me to explore being physically dominated, without literally requiring that the person I’ve been kissing literally muscle me to the bed/wall/floor.
My boo and I had explored using pinwheels, vibrators, and wands…so I knew they’d be down to at least talk about using the system. But we’d never used anything so, well, sex dungeon-y, so their “OMG this is going to be so fun!!!” was a pleasant and welcome surprise.
The “toy” is basically exactly as it sounds: an under-the-bed restraint system... So, prior to use we had to set it up. It took like twenty seconds.
Made of nylon, the arm and leg straps are all connected “base strap”, which goes under the mattress. The limb straps can then tucked under the mattress and hidden from public view (which comes in clutch when you have roommates/kids/live in a studio), or pulled out from under the mattress and used
My makeout buddy lives alone, so we kept the strap out.
Tight and Taught
“I’m incredibly turned on,” they tell me, as we survey our handy-work. I nod in agreement and crawl onto the bed.
We started by strapping me in face-up, but that felt a little too exposed, so I flipped over and we cuffed me in.
The cuffs themselves—which fit wrists measured four to 12 inches around—are made of fabric, lined with fuzzy material, and incredibly comfortable.
Now that I was face-down, ass-up my partner got to work using hands, a massager wand, and our Wartenberg wheel to tease my neck, back, thighs, and feet.
As much as I tried to lean into pleasurable sensations or dodge ticklish ones, the straps kept me from moving more than an inch or two in any direction. Even when I tried to thrash around as they tickled my feet (which is something that typically turns me), I stayed completely put.
Infuriating? Yes. Incredibly H-O-T? Also yes.
Lopez told me to expect this, “This system is incredibly strong and can be enjoyed by most body shapes, weights, and heights.”
But, still I was surprised! Like I said, I’m strong! I can bench over 185 pounds, deadlift 315, and squat 250 (yes, this is a flex). But still my muscles were no match for these straps. Impressive, no?
More Than One Position
The first time we use the system I requested that my partner not penetrate me. But if I ever want to be penetrated from behind while using the straps, I’d probably request that we loosen the straps so that I can get up onto my knees and give my partner a better angle to enter me vaginally.
Lopen had a few other suggestions for future use. “If penetration is the goal,” she says, “You can also turn the restraints into a makeshift sex sling.”
The cuffs are attached to the restraints with little hooks, you can detach the ankle cuffs from the leg restraints, and hook them onto the keyring on the wrist restraints. “This is a great way to open somebody's body up, and keep the legs up without requiring that they hold their legs up—which can be really fatiguing for some folks,” she says.
Another option? “You can also take two cuffs and make them into a neck collar, and then attach one of the straps like a leash and lead your partner around.”
Hey, the more you know, the more you O!
Will we use the system in the creative ways she suggests? Hard to say. But we’ll definitely be using it the same way we did the first time.
As I said to my boo when all was said and cum, “Game changer.”