Identity is a very personal thing, but, at the same time, it can also place us into a bigger social groups. And it is important to remember that identity can be fluid and changing. With so much at play, is it any wonder that sexual identity can be a confusing thing? That's what we'll be exploring in this week's Sex Stories We Love.

Revising Trans Porn

Let’s start off with a victory in the ongoing evolution of understanding identity! After much consideration, porn company Grooby has decided to rebrand its main site from “ShemaleYum.com” to the much more progressive “GroobyGirls.com.” While this space often lauds porn for the good things it can do, one significant failing of the industry is the awful terminology it uses in marketing and SEO, and the slurs used for trans performers were among the worst. When porn featuring trans folks started to become desired, slurs and derogatory terms were the norm. But we’ve moved on, and it is great to see a company move forward, to their own challenges, in order to make a statement.

Leave Work at Work

For some folks, their job becomes an integral part of their identity. For others, it doesn’t. Fortunately, most people have a choice and can decide to self-identify as a bartender, doctor, salesclerk, or pretty much any profession other than sex worker. Stigma is still strong in our world. Some people still have a very adverse reaction when they hear that someone has made a living through sex. And one of the most challenging situations that can occur is when a sex worker, active or not, meets someone new to date. We have so many hang-ups when it comes to the sex that other people have before us. Add to that the challenge of dealing with the financial issues, anonymity and general misconceptions that litter our collective consciousness of sex work. But really, work is work. And there are jobs that are far less reputable than those who provide pleasure—but we’re not naming names.

Sluts R Us

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: queer people are complete sluts. Of course you’ve heard it. This is just one of the many “slurs” that conservative and religious people have used to demonize the LGBT community for years. We all know that, somewhere along the way, sex became a totally dirty word and then it got even more filthy when people started thinking about queer sex. And, of course someone who really enjoys sex is just, totally, the worst. This is a stereotype queer folks have been fighting against for a long time. Surely, we didn’t know we’d have to fight other queer folks to understand and justify the fact that being queer and liking sex—potentially lots and lots of it. Should there be a division like this? Shouldn’t a shared experience ensure allegiances?

Sub-stantial Understanding

The many different identities that fall under the BDSM umbrella have made significant inroads of understanding in mainstream culture. The two most commonly referred to are Dominant and submissive, but do we really have a good idea of what can be encompassed in each? I think that Dominant is better understood at this point. There has definitely been more attention paid to Dominants of all genders in recent years. But do we really appreciate the nuances, needs and nurturance submissives both require and give? As always, we can count on Cara Sutra to share unshackle our misconceptions of the submissive identity.

Throughout Our Lives

Sex is an important part of many people’s lives. There is a misconception out there that people who are in poor health, have disabilities or even those who age, are not or become non-sexual. This is a complete fallacy. Any and everyone is capable of having good, fulfilling sex lives and can cultivate a wonderful sexual identity. And it is great to hear that folks who can’t readily advocate for themselves are helped by family, friends and medical professionals to enjoy their sexual identities. At the same time, sex can also be greatly therapeutic for pain and trauma. This type of story offers hope for all of us.

Nope. Just Nope.

Finally, Neo-nazi porn? Well, we’re talking about identities and there is porn of pretty much all of them. But, can we not?