OK folks, I fully admit this is a subject list of sex-related things to change this year. However, I do think these are ideas, actions and attitudes that would help us all out if we moved forward.

Vulva, FFS!

It seems we’re still mixing up the words vulva and vagina. And because the words aren’t clear, people are growing up without learning the difference...or that there is even a difference at all! I once had a prolonged online argument with a male-identified artist who had a successful traveling exhibition of “vagina” moulds. Of course, he was showing off vulvas, but refused to acknowledge or understand the difference. Unfortunately, I doubt my nattering was anywhere near as succinct and convincing as Caitlin from Sexational’s argument. She’s taken the common trope of “shaving a vagina” to task and this really should convince people that teaching proper genital names to children is very important.

What Does 'Sex Positive' Really Mean?

Is it time for a rethink of the term sex positive? Over the past couple of years there have been stronger indications that the idea behind sex positive is getting murkier than scrambled '80s porn on cable. It was once the general belief that being sex positive meant thinking positive things about sex - as opposed to the societally-enforced negative tropes that have long pervaded our collective consciousness. However, sex positivity now seems to come with a litany of expectations - and resultant difficulties and shaming when those expectations are met. I’ve heard from people who are derided because they happen to be more vanilla or because they happen to be monogamous. They aren’t spouting kink and poly-negative beliefs, there are just certain expectations about how a sex-positive person should behave. Now, sexuality is coming under scrutiny. JoEllen Notte shares some very intimate and candid thoughts on the presumption she should be into women, even though she’s not. I hope this gives some good pause for thought.

Recognizing Trauma

Our sex lives - our lives in general - are informed by many experiences and events. Unfortunately, for far too many of us, trauma enters our lives at some point and it can hold such a negative space. That trauma, that concern, needs to be discussed in sex education. It can not only take a hold of our own lives, but our experiences of trauma can also negatively impact our relationships with others. Not only do we need to know our trauma, but others need to know that trauma can be affecting people as well.

Disabled Folks Fuck Too

Folks are folks are folks are folks. It seems an easy thing to say, but it isn’t always so easy to remember, particularly when it comes to folks with disabilities. For far too long, sex was the domain of those who are able-bodied and neurotypical. Anyone else was desexualized. Their sexual agency was taken from them by others, regardless of whether they had sexy stirrings or not. This has started to change. Disabled folks are not only sexy, but also queer, kinky, and so much more. Fancy that, folks are folks. Sex is a part of life for many people, and the ability to express our desires is an inherent right, regardless of who we are.

Family Is Key

Sometimes we hear about an assault on families, but I doubt the conservative folks most often saying this catchphrase will mean the same thing I do. Instead, I hate to hear about non-conforming families who are harassed and sometimes even separated because their configuration does not meet the standards set down by society. Sure, mom/dad/kids is one way to live that can be quite nice and comfortable. So can mom/mom, dad/dad, mom/dad/dad, mom/mom/dad. dad/dad/horsewhip, mom/dad/St. Andrew’s Cross - all of these can be completely loving, caring, and sustainable family models. Yet just their existence can run afoul of the law. Whatever your village, whatever your grouping, let’s start letting families be families.

Coffee Cock?

And, finally, if you’re having trouble getting hard, then maybe you need to make a change and drink more coffee.