Last week we reminded you that May is #MasturbationMonth. Well, we couldn’t keep our hands off this juicy topic, so this week’s Sex Stories We Love is all about self love.

MSTRB8 in LTR?

Masturbation can be considered one of the safest and most simple pleasures we can enjoy. You can do it by yourself. It doesn’t (necessarily) involve any items or substances. Self love is just you and your body exploring what feels good to you. Unfortunately, touching yourself has been given a bad name over the centuries by various people and institutions who deemed it evil. This has had a significant effect on how people think of masturbation—and how we view other people who masturbate. There are very conflicting ideas out there about how people in long-term relationships should treat masturbation. Is it a complementary activity or a substitute? Is it for folks with high sex drives or those who need their motor primed every once in awhile? Check out the analysis linked above to a recent study and tell us what you think.

His Secret Recipe?

Does the image of a buff and brawny Col. Harland Sanders get your nethers in a tizzy? You know, the white-haired, white suit, chickenslinger otherwise known as the founder of fast food megalith Kentucky Fried Chicken? Well, if he doesn’t sweep you off your feet now, maybe he will after you read the special edition romance novella featuring the randy restaurateur that the company has released in time for Mother’s Day. While this may seem an unusual version of a Happy Meal, KFC notes that Mother’s Day is their best-selling day of the year. You know, because everybody wants to give Mom the day off (we have to do better than this to recognize women). So, this year, while your mom is licking her fingers, she can read Tender Wings of Desire—the tale of Lady Madeline Parker and a “handsome sailor with a mysterious past.”

To Each Their Own

Okay, gut check time. Did the above story make you laugh? Did it make you cringe? Did it make you wonder who-in-the-hell would get off or even be remotely excited by a romance story featuring Col. Sanders? Well, that is pretty unfair of you. It is the same mentality that says the only films worth watching are by Kurosawa and Bunuel and that the only meals worth enjoying are created by Gagnaire and Keller. We all have different tastes, different likes, and different desires. And it is time to stop judging what people find erotic—particularly women. This goes beyond what we want to read, of course. People, again, women in particular, are not expected to like certain types of sex. So, when they do, people get confused...and even outraged. So whether you fantasize non-consent fantasies or elderly men who smell of fried chicken...you take and rock your own socks off.

Masturbation and Faith

I don’t think there’s anyway for me to hide my feelings on masturbation. Don’t let my glorious revelry deflect or deny that some people have significant issues around self-pleasure. These are definitely concerning and worthy of all of our thoughts, care, and compassion. For many, the difficulty stems from trying to reconcile religious beliefs with bodily desires. There are many different religious that feature dogma restricting sexual activities, including masturbation. This important account of a Muslim man’s struggles with masturbation while trying to remain devout (and various community responses) is a crucial read for all those, myself included, who may take the “it feels great, just do it” mentality a little too lightly.

Perish the Thought!

The thing about masturbation is that it can happen whenever the mood strikes and you’re in the right type of situation. You might be all turned on already, or you might just decide “Hey, I’d like some of me right now.” However, just as with sex, or work, or jogging, or everything else in the world, your mind can wander, even in mid-bate. Sometimes this is for the good and you happen upon a fantastic fantasy that blows your mind! Other times, the mood can get ruined and you just end up with less battery power or a sore hand. Either, Coach Wank here: Keep your eyes on the prize! Keep your head in the game! You can do it! You can masturbate!

Gamora or Starlord?

Finally, the second Guardians of the Galaxy movie came out last week and it is surely making lots of people happy in the theatres. Now, the motley crew can keep you plenty happy at home: Guardians of the Galaxy sex toys are here! Just imagine someone orgasming and crying out “I...am...Groot!”