We are definitely not in Kansas anymore. The old trope used to be that you fell in love, you got married, you had great sex, you had kids, and then you didn’t really have sex anymore. Yet that is black and white thinking. A tornado of sexual liberation has blown technicolor sexual excitement into town and the married folks are getting in on it it. There are plenty of flying monkeys to dodge along the way to great relationship sex. In this week's Sex Stories We Love, we've got stories about sexual preferences, 24/7 D/s and making sex great again.
Making Sex Great Again
There are some big differences between having a great sex life when you’re single and when you’re in a relationship. Single folks have very different needs and energies. According to an article that appeared in Romper last week, for those in a relationship, whether coupled or more, having awesome sex can involve an entirely different array of emotions and inter-dependencies. We’re talking communication, planning and consideration. Add kids into the mix and you’ve got energy and time constraints! Some might try to sell you the myth that puttin’ a ring on it might be the yellow brick road to sexual satisfaction. Well, no. It can be, if you’re ready and able to work with your partner, but great relationship sex takes work.
Swipe or Flight?
Remember that yellow brick road? Well, if you want a cohabiting carnal comrade, you have to find one first! And, these days, there is a significant likelihood you’ll be embarking on your adventure with the help of a dating app. The way these things are portrayed in films and television makes it seem like they’re simple and obviously work all the time. However, the awesome Luna Matas found herself eager to re-enter the dating world and found that using dating apps was not like clicking your heels and saying “I’m someone so fun, I’m someone so fun.” Heed these words that will provide some great advice if you’re just getting started with digital connections.
Yum or Yuck?
One of the best ways to keep sex great in relationships is clear and open communication. And that can involve sharing our fantasies. This might be a scary thing. You might not want to reveal your desire for lion and scarecrow role play for fear of being shunned by your partner. And, honestly, it happens. It is just a fact that different people have different ideas about what is sexy. And, as we learn in this recent piece by Esther Perel, sometimes one person’s sexy falls within the other’s “NOPE” category. This doesn’t have to be a disconnect. It can be a talking point and takes some work on everyone’s part to ensure partners at least feel hear. Never is there an obligation to act on these scenarios if they aren’t mutually appealing. However, feeling listened to and heard and cared for makes a huge difference.
It is easy to fall into the script that society has laid out for us. Follow that yellow brick road and it will lead to the Emerald City of sexual bliss. For some folks, all that glitters is not gold and the true road to relationship and sexual harmony just might be paved with black leather and rubber. If you’ve ever wondered about Dominant/submissive relationships and the potential of them being maintained 24/7, check out another amazing comic by TeMel on Oh Joy Sex Toy. While there are definitely some differences in how this kind of relationship can work, there are also basic truths about sex and connection that will ring true to everyone.
Is It Right?
What do you do if you find that you are just not enjoying sex with in your relationship? Is it you? Is it them? Is there another underlying reason? Are things fantastic between you otherwise? Depending on who you and your partner are, whether sex is an important part of your identities and how you relate to each other can significantly impact whether your relationship has long-term viability. If your libidos differ greatly or your interests are too varied, you might need to consider whether this connection is possible. The early times of a relationship are great and powerful, but sometimes what is behind the curtain, after being together a few months or even years, that passion dies down. Then it's time for talk, time for understanding and time for compassion...in whichever road you might choose.
Finally, for some folks, the pinnacle of a relationship is marriage. Of course, this is not possible for all people around the world. While same-sex marriage is still in varying states of legality around the world, friends of Dorothy are making advances every year. So, in celebration of Pride Month, let’s check out some same-sex wedding and union celebrations (and be jealous of the wedding nights)!