We’re all trying to learn about sex. We’re all trying to move sex forward. Well, these are nice thoughts, but are they realistic? In some cases, people are still perpetuating negative stereotypes and misconceptions. In other cases, we all just have more to learn. In this week's Sex Stories We Love, we're looking at some hard lessons - and letting go of misconceptions.
What Is an Orgasm?
Imagine sitting in the park, enjoying a picnic with friends. The sun is warm, you’re enjoying good food and everyone is laughing. You are all relaxed, casual and comfortable with each other. Now, in this most chill of circumstances: could you describe your orgasm? What words would you use? What feelings would you try to share? Despite the many reams of erotic literature, it can difficult to describe such an intimate sensation. And for some, particularly folks with vulvas, describing an orgasm can be a challenge if you’re not sure if you’ve ever had one. That's why we love this recent piece from Refinery 29, which explains orgasm in detail. Many people have gone through their lives without experiencing orgasm, but there are now suggestions and classes to take where you can learn techniques and mindsets to help improve the potential. Of course, it is also good to remember that orgasm does not have to be the be all, end all of a sexual experience. There are many great feelings along the way!
Expecting Better from "Science"
It is fantastic that we are now learning how sex and science can intermingle in delicious of ways. However, that doesn’t mean sex and scientists are always able to hook up for something special. Mayim Bialik, neuroscientist and television star, is outspoken on a number of different topics. But many people have been saying that she really missed the mark with her “old broad” interpretation of open relationships. She introduces the idea of “leaning in” on biology, that men are just more biologically inclined to be out there “spreading their seed.” The real problem is that Bialik then falls back on misconceptions, stereotypes, and a direct appeal to emotions instead of attempting to further her point with science. Ultimately, because she can’t separate her admittedly “old-fashioned” beliefs from supposed scientific “fact,” she negates her status as a scientist by demonstrating observer bias. We expect better, Mayim.
Sex Writer Shaming
It is awesome that Maria Yagoda has such has awesome sense of humor because I know I certainly wouldn’t put up with the bullshit that men pull when they contact her. According to her recent piece on Vice it's all simply because she writes about sex. In the 15+ years I’ve been writing about sex, I have received some tweets, DMs and emails as a result. However, I can count the number of times on my fingers (shoes can stay on, no toes needed). And, of course, true to form, the majority of those rude contacts I’ve received have been from men as well. Rarely do I encounter this kind of creepy because I present and identify as male. But a talented, smart, hella-funny writer like Maria is going to get inundated with this garbage constantly. Props to you, Maria for putting up with it all while constantly putting out awesome sex writing.
Sex Focused Start-Ups
On the other end of the spectrum, awesome female leaders are taking sex-focused startups to new heights and proving that women know both sex and business. This excellent interview with Polly Rodrigues, CEO of Unbound box and the founder of Women of Sex Tech support and networking group, exemplifies the need for women in leadership positions in the sex industry. There’s no way I’m explaining this one - Polly’s words are a must-read on their own.
Not for Tummy Sleepers
Have you ever wondered what’s up with morning wood? Whether it's your own or someone else’s that is suddenly poking you in the butt while you are simultaneously serenaded with a deafening snore, the hot and sexy version of nocturnal penile erections would have us hope that that hottie in bed with you is having some super sexy dreams and will wake up ready to ravish you. However, the likelihood is that that boner is just a result of nervous system transitions and if you’re getting up in the night with a hard-on, it’ll probably go away when you stumble off for a pee. This is not to say that there isn’t pleasure to be gained from a rager upon waking. Whether solo or with someone else, if the iron is hot and you want to get pressed, have fun!
Too Friendly Skies?
Finally, maybe I had the wrong impression, but aren’t you supposed to join the Mile High Club in the cramped and hard-to-manage bathroom of an airplane - not in the passenger seating section? Not according to one couple who apparently did it right in their seats - and in full view of other passengers- on a flight from Manchester to Ibiza! If it was that easy, the club would have many more members.