As 2018 fast approaches, it’s impossible to avoid the mandatory talk of resolutions. Sure, the new year marks a time for new beginnings, but the “fix it” mentality can seem ... kind of overwhelming, am I right? This is especially true for people like me who don’t like a lot of rules. While there’s an obvious upside to making healthier choices (think: eating better, exercising more, cutting down on vices), don’t overlook the benefits of thinking about your sex life. The idea is to make sex more pleasurable – whether that means trying out a new toy or oral sex technique, or just making more time for sex. Sex is fun and feels good (at least it should), but the benefits of sexual pleasure don’t end there. Regular orgasms are essential to our emotional and physical health.
Sex Experts Share Their Top Sex Resolutions for 2018
I talked with 17 sex experts about their below-the-belt intentions for 2018. I pinky-swear promise, these are resolutions you’ll actually want to keep. No gym or dieting required.
Resolve to Kiss More
For many couples in long-term relationships, deep kissing is the first thing to go. For 2018, bring it back! Remember how you’d make out when you first started dating? Set aside 5-10 minutes prior to oral sex or penetrative sex to kiss deeply and passionately. It’s amazing how intimate and erotic this can feel, and how bonding it is for couples who have experienced some disconnect.
-Dr. Holly Richmond, somatic psychologist, head of advisory board for Ella Paradis, CST, LMFT
Have Adult-Only Sex Weekends
I resolve to have “adult sex weekends” at least every other month. Often, we tend to get comfortable with our partner and sex becomes routine, and sometimes even mundane in a way. We forget that sex is what separates us in our couple or marriage from being “just friends.” Once children are introduced to the dynamic, it becomes even harder to keep the sex life on track. Therefore, making time that is dedicated to connecting with my partner on a purely adult level, without the children, is going to be a priority this year. I will pick somewhere romantic where we can be together as lovers and simply enjoy that togetherness as a couple.
-Bethany Ricciardi, sex expert at TooTimid
Create the Best Context for Sex
For most people, that means low stress, high trust and high affection. What parts of your life and relationship need to be brought on board so that when you go to have sex you can fully receive & enjoy it? Take stock – reflect back on your favorite sexual experiences and see what they had in common - what happened during, before and after? How did you feel about yourself, your partner, and your relationship? What else was going on? What wasn't there? Use that to inform where you can start making changes. Perhaps it's small like a rule to touch whenever you're on the couch together or taking a 10-minute walk at lunch. Or maybe it means quitting your job to follow your passion. Figure out one baby step you can take right now and go for it!
-Kait Scalisi, the sex educator behind PassionbyKait.com
Have More Meaningful Sex
In 2018, I want to commit to having more meaningful sex with my husband. Less “Quick, hurry up, I’m tired” sex. I also really want to dive in and learn about more fetishes and try role playing.
-JessicaSage, cam model
Do Something Outside Your Comfort Zone
The fact is that sex gets predictable and boring in long-term relationships. A great New Year’s resolution is to engage in a new sexual behavior or bring a new element to your sexual life. This could be buying a sexy or playful costume, engaging in a little S&M activity, or bringing new sexual toys into the bedroom. Expanding yourself by overcoming inhibitions and self-consciousness is a great goal for 2018.
-Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, Relationship therapist and Founder of Relationup
Have a Brain Orgasm
When making love to your partner, ask them to lick your forehead side to side with their tongue. There is a lot of nerve endings in the middle of the forehead and in Tantra, this point on your body is known as the ‘"third eye." If you are able to open up your energy systems you can have hour-long orgasms in your brain.
Find Love First
As New Year's approaches, it's impossible to avoid the requisite talk of resolutions. My plan is to find the love first. After that, sexually-speaking, my plan will be to have more sex and to teach my tongue new tricks, because I love to give oral-sex pleasure.
-Delice, model and cam girl
Talk to Your Parts
When we’re on the dating scene and we’re aching for touch, lonely for connection and often horny as hell, we ONLY let our genitals do the talking. I recommend blending your conscious awareness, your heart and soul, with your vagina/penis and having a chat with your body before you decide to have sex. Literally. On a date, feel free to excuse yourself to the bathroom and have a chat with your body parts. Do you feel honored? Seen? Safe? Turned on? Respected? Aligned? Make sure it’s a full-body, mind and soul decision – then you won’t have anything to regret sex-wise in 2018.
-Allana Pratt, Intimacy Expert and Coach
A top resolution that I'd love to see take effect is for couples (and individuals) to routinely get STD testing. Knowing your status is the first step to helping stop the spread of STDs.
-McKinzie Pack, writer for "Exposed", STDcheck.com's award-winning blog
Have a Lot More Lady Sex
Women are so much more intellectually on par with me. I’m bisexual, but usually end up dating guys because it’s easier to default to straight. I’m over that.
-Gigi Engle, writer and sex educator
Get My Sexy Mojo Back
My resolution for 2018 is to get my sexy mojo back. Even us sex pots need to recharge from time to time.
-Lola, Producer and Host of SexEdAGoGo.com
Have More Orgasms
You know what's better than any drug or drink? Orgasms. I want to experience more mind-blowing, toe-tingling, earth-shattering orgasms than in 2018.
-Tina, cam girl
Ask For What You Want
We’re not always the best at advocating for ourselves when it comes to asking for what we want, especially when it comes to sex. Even if you ask for just one thing every time you have sex this year, you’ll certainly have more satisfying experiences. It can be something as simple as slowing down, or trying out a long-had fantasy.
-Dr. Emily Morse, creator and host of Sex With Emily
Use Fancy Lube
My resolution is to no longer accept anything less than fantastic lube in my life. The quality of your lube makes such a difference in how well your senses are stimulated during sexual activity. SKYN Maximum Performance is one of my favorite silicone lubes (non-greasy, fragrance and preservative-free) out there and I plan to have it by my bedside at all time.
-Rena McDaniel, MEd, LCPC clinical sexologist
Learn to Love Yourself
It sounds obvious, but many studies show that way too many of us know too little about our bodies when it comes to sex. How do you expect your partner to be able to please you if you can’t even do it yourself? Well, 2018 here we come on our journey to explore ourselves and self-pleasure!
-Tino Dietrich, CEO and co-founder of Ella Paradis
Be Smart With Protection
This year, the CDC reported an increased use of the withdrawal technique, which we know does little to protect you against pregnancy and nothing to protect you against sexually transmitted diseases. We also saw an alarming trend in using new forms of birth control like Jiftip, which went viral in 2017. Stick with what is tried and tested. Use smart protection (i.e.: condoms) to avoid the gift that keeps on giving - STDs!
-Jamin Brahmbhatt, MD, urologist and sexual health expert at Orlando Health
Ryn Pfeuffer is a versatile print and digital writer specializing in sex, lifestyle, and relationship topics. Over the past two decades, her work has appeared in more than 100 media outlets including Marie Claire, Playboy, Refinery29, The Globe and Mail, The Washington Post, WIRED, and Thrillist.
She adopted a pseudonym and was AVN’s (Adult Video Network) first female porn reviewer – while penning children’s books at the same time. More recently, she is the author of 101 Ways to Rock Online Dating (2019). She lives in Seattle with her rescue dog, Mimi. You can find her on Twitter @rynpfeuffer or IG @ryn_says