It's August and time for another great Sex Blogger of the Month! This month, we're featuring Walker Thornton from WalkerThornton.com. Walker writes mostly to the 50+ age group. It's such an important angle, and one that is often unexplored in mainstream media (although that's changing fast!) Walker's sex-positive and age-positive posts help remind us that a healthy sex life is achievable at any age. Here are Walker's 10 answers to Kinkly's questions.
Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog’
Walker: Sex-positive, age-positive, down-to-earth and tame.
Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?
Walker: I was writing casually about my experiences in dating as an older woman and realized that there were lots of other women and men out there who had questions about starting over again. I began to get emails from readers on topics like how to date, how to have sex again after a long marriage/relationship, etc. There were very few, if any, blogs geared to middle-aged women that weren’t overly sexual. I wanted to fill that void. I started blogging to provide basic facts and resources, paired with realistic images and stories from someone who was experiencing the same thing as my target audience.
Kinkly: What’s behind the name?
Walker: Well, it’s not a very creative name - it’s my name. As an author and speaker I wanted to build my name and open up the possibilities to write about more than just sex.
Kinkly: Who’s your target reader?
Walker: I always assumed my reader would be cisgendered/heterosexual women in the peri-or menopausal stages. As it turns out, many of my readers are men in their 50s and 60s.
Kinkly: What’s unique about your blog?
Walker: I am one of just two or three blogs out there that focus on sex and age - meaning that I recognize that while sex is basically the same, there are unique characteristics of older adults, meaning over 50, that call for a different kind of writing.
I don’t use sexualized images. I don’t use images of women who are thin, young, or photoshopped. I try to reflect a healthy appreciation of aging in my writings and the visuals accompanying them. When I talk about sex it’s not as explicit as many other sex blogs - an intentional move on my part to appeal to an audience that is learning to talk about their sexuality. I talk more about relationships and communication and feelings as opposed to explicit talk about the mechanics of sex.
Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?
Walker: How to ask for what you want in bed. Often, older women are more likely to let the man take the lead. We weren’t taught much about sex and for those women born in the 50s, it was often assumed that men would be the experts - we would just follow their lead. This has led some women to be silent about their needs. I talk about understanding our own bodies and figuring out how to communicate what we like when it comes to sex.
Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?
Walker: It’s an article from 2011 called, What Does a Female Orgasm Feel Like. I think it reflects our lack of understanding about orgasms, how to tell if someone is having one, what it looks or feels like, etc. I've had women tell me they have never had an orgasm, so I suspect the article may attract them as well as others who are just curious.
Kinkly: What’s the best thing about writing a sex blog?
Walker: I love the idea of giving older women the confidence to expand their sexual practices or take up sex again. I encounter women who haven’t experienced orgasms, or who dread having sex. My goal is to provide inspiration, helpful suggestions, and a very matter-of-fact approach that doesn’t intimidate or embarrass. It may be as simple as talking about how we ask for what we want in bed. Or, it may be as complex as helping someone learn about vaginal atrophy or erectile dysfunction.
Kinkly: What’s the worst thing about it?
Walker: Writing through the stigma about sex for “older adults” and trying to find images or references that are helpful but not overly sexual or explicit.
One of the more challenging things about writing a sex blog for older women is the lack of comments. Everyone wants to talk about it, but not with their name attached.
Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.
Walker: We have to stop thinking of sex as just penetration. Good sex for older adults means exploring all the options - taking it slow and playing with touch and oral and moving away from traditional intercourse as the only way to give or receive pleasure. Things that were really simple when we were 20 may be a little more complicated as we age.