Sex Blogger of the Month: Kayla Lords of A Sexual Being

Kayla: I call it "kinky fuckery" because that's a blanket term for everything from the way I submit, how I like to have sex, to all of the kinky things I enjoy doing. I'm a very introspective writer. While I like to share the action, I also share the thoughts and feelings going on inside at the same time.

Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?

Kayla: My most popular post ever is "3 Things Submissives Do That Turn Off Dominants." This is one of three or four posts on my site that are specific D/s advice and fairly popular. I think this one gets attention because submissives are often seen as the ones jilted, cheated, or treated poorly in failing relationships (which can absolutely be true). Yet, we forget that a submissive can be the one making mistakes and sending off their own red flags.

Kinkly: What's the best thing about writing a sex blog?

Kayla: The connection I make with people who read something I write and see themselves in it. Second best would be those moments when someone tells me they don't see a kink or fetish in the same way because I shared a different perspective. Third is the freedom and the confidence I've gained over the years. I'm more in touch with who I am as a person, a kinkster, and a partner than I ever was before.

Kinkly: What's the worst thing about it?

Kayla: I'm immensely proud of the blog I've written and all the websites I've built since then (all of which started as an idea of my blog), but I hate that I still worry about how someone might react if they knew I was a sex blogger. My family knows I write about sex, but they don't know the specific topics, my name, or what I've managed to build and achieve since I started in 2012. I hate that we still live in a world where it's safer to hide this part of who you are than to proclaim it loud and proud. That being said, I'm slowly overcoming my fears and definitely hiding less.

Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.

Kayla: You have to communicate. Without communication, it's impossible to consent. Without communication, the other person has no clue what you really like. Bad, unsatisfying, and forgettable sex can most often be traced back to two (or more!) people who wouldn't have a conversation about what they want, what they don't want, what they like, and what they don't like. I'm raising a 13-year-old and the thing I tell him is that if you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to talk about it first. That's true for everyone, especially consenting adults.