For November, we are super thankful to feature one of our regular writers who's also an awesome sex blogger: Kayla Lords of A Sexual Being! We love Kayla's ability to highlight both the exciting side and the real-life side of kink. She's also an erotica author and the person behind Masturbation Monday. We honestly don't know how this super-star blogger finds time for it all! Here are Kayla's 10 answers to our 10 questions.
Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.
Kayla: Real-life kinky fuckery.
Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?
Kayla: In 2011, I blogged under my legal name to get through my divorce. At that time, I discovered sex blogs and I lurked for months, afraid to comment under my real name. When I started dating and having sex with other people again, I realized I had a lot of repressed issues (like never having orgasmed and being slightly afraid of and weirded out by masturbation). I knew I wanted to write about it. Because I'd read multiple sex blogs, I knew it was a thing I could do. I also walked around for most of my life with erotic scenes playing in my head. I wanted to give those thoughts and fantasies a place to live.
Kinkly: What's behind the name?
Kayla: Calling my blog "A Sexual Being" was a bit of faking it before you make it to boost my confidence and a reminder to myself that I had once been much more sexual. I didn't know what kind of sexual being I was, but I knew I was one! As for my name, "Kayla Lords," it's close to my real name, but different enough to create some distance between this side of myself and the non-kinky side.
Kinkly: Who is your target reader?
Kayla: The sexually curious and anyone open to the idea of kink and D/s.
Kinkly: What's unique about your blog?
Kayla: My blog started off as a sexual exploration. Once I figured out I was a submissive, a masochist, and a babygirl, it became an exploration about my BDSM desires and eventually my D/s relationship. Now, it's the place where I share what I experience (like kinky fuckery) as well as what I think about BDSM, D/s, sex, relationships - and the rest of life in between. That means I talk about parenting, mental health, work, etc. Why? Because all of that is a part of a sexual life just as much as the sex toys and the sexual acts.
Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?
Kayla: I call it "kinky fuckery" because that's a blanket term for everything from the way I submit, how I like to have sex, to all of the kinky things I enjoy doing. I'm a very introspective writer. While I like to share the action, I also share the thoughts and feelings going on inside at the same time.
Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?
Kayla: My most popular post ever is "3 Things Submissives Do That Turn Off Dominants." This is one of three or four posts on my site that are specific D/s advice and fairly popular. I think this one gets attention because submissives are often seen as the ones jilted, cheated, or treated poorly in failing relationships (which can absolutely be true). Yet, we forget that a submissive can be the one making mistakes and sending off their own red flags.
Kinkly: What's the best thing about writing a sex blog?
Kayla: The connection I make with people who read something I write and see themselves in it. Second best would be those moments when someone tells me they don't see a kink or fetish in the same way because I shared a different perspective. Third is the freedom and the confidence I've gained over the years. I'm more in touch with who I am as a person, a kinkster, and a partner than I ever was before.
Kinkly: What's the worst thing about it?
Kayla: I'm immensely proud of the blog I've written and all the websites I've built since then (all of which started as an idea of my blog), but I hate that I still worry about how someone might react if they knew I was a sex blogger. My family knows I write about sex, but they don't know the specific topics, my name, or what I've managed to build and achieve since I started in 2012. I hate that we still live in a world where it's safer to hide this part of who you are than to proclaim it loud and proud. That being said, I'm slowly overcoming my fears and definitely hiding less.
Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.
Kayla: You have to communicate. Without communication, it's impossible to consent. Without communication, the other person has no clue what you really like. Bad, unsatisfying, and forgettable sex can most often be traced back to two (or more!) people who wouldn't have a conversation about what they want, what they don't want, what they like, and what they don't like. I'm raising a 13-year-old and the thing I tell him is that if you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to talk about it first. That's true for everyone, especially consenting adults.
Sex is a bit like a secret society; everyone's doing it, it's just that no one talks about it. Kinkly's mission is to start that conversation, answer your questions and help you discover new and exciting things about sex, love and your body. We guarantee it'll be illuminating, enlightening, fun ... and a little kinky. And that's OK with us.
No innuendos, no judgments and no apologies, just fearless, straight-up talk about sex.
