Even though the concept has been around forever, we're still coming to grips with fetish. As our sex talk shackles loosen, we still have issues when it comes to people talking about being shackled. This week's Sex Stories We Love explores the state of fetishes.
Examining Your Own Fetishizations
Attraction, desire, and sexual response are all intertwined and very complex. So too is our continually evolving understanding of sexuality and the appropriate ways to connect with and care for other people. There was a time when it was entirely acceptable to have "a type" and to fetishize people who fit the description. However, following this approach to your sexual fulfillment is deeply problematic. Reducing people to a particular trait—frequently related to race or disability—others the person and truly establishes them as an "object" of your affections. This article offers good background to the complicated problem of fetishization, but it is the section about how to look within and understand your own fetishization issues that really stand out. Nobody is due anyone else's labour to point out how you are debasing someone by only considering their trait. If you wonder if this could be you, read the whole article. Then, close the file and read it again and consider your attractions.
What Are You Into?
One of the hardest things people deal with when it comes to accepting and loving their kinks and fetishes is figuring out how your own sexual desires can fit into your relationship. Everyone is an individual when it comes to sexual interests and if you're lucky, you and your partner(s) will share common interests. But, building up the courage to find out can be tough, that is, if your kinks aren't revealed organically. Relationship communication, folks. Nobody said it would be easy. If you're wondering how to share your sexy thoughts, but aren't sure how, take this quiz with your partner, and use it as a jumping off point for a discussing on fetish and kink. But do remember, that everyone has the right to not be interested in something you fantasize about.
Internet Killed the Porn Booth Star
The idea of a virtual wank booth experience is interesting to me because I spent a lot of time in little porn boxes back in the day. A LOT OF TIME. See, I commuted for a post-grad programme that only offered night classes. Depending on how strict to the clock the instructor was, I'd sometimes have an hour to wait before my bus home. I would also sometimes come to town the night before, couch surf, and then be thrust out onto the streets for the day before my evening studies. I read. I went to coffee shops. I dropped countless coins in grungy little boxes enjoying some self-love. But it wasn't just something to do...I really got off on the thrill of these booths and developed a little fetish for the experience. These establishments have all disappeared from downtown Toronto. A few years ago, I read a personal recollection of my time spent in the neighbourhood for a gay strip club that was closing. Before the event, I went to the booths for one last hurrah. Times have certainly changed.
A Natural Connection
Fetish and fashion will forever by intrinsically linked. Considering how many folks identify items of clothing with their fetishes, it is a natural fit. Corsets! Shoes! Stockings! Leather! Rubber! The list goes on and on. Sometimes fetish style bleeds into mainstream culture and wardrobe more often associated with sexytime activities! Emerging designer, artist, and performer Marcus Pontello could very well be the next big thing in taking our bedroom wear out into the streets. Their work is stunning and I look forward to seeing more!
One Step at a Time
One of the more common fetishes is feet. Podophilia is one of the rare sexual desires (that isn't explicitly linked to cis-heterosexual sex) that people are almost comfortable discussing. The topic makes its way onto TV and film on a fairly regular basis. While there are still snickers and such, folks like Machine Gun Kelly will come out about his love for his partner Megan Fox's feet. There are countless other fetishes that aren't quite ready for primetime discussion yet, but hopefully our sexual culture will continue to evolve. Different strokes for different folks and all that. In the meantime, maybe you'll find that a new sexual adventure is afoot.
Finally, are cartoon characters your fetish? Do you have favourites? Check out the drawn darlings who top searches for pen and pencil porn.
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