Read: 10 Helpful Tips for Hosting a BDSM Munch
Kink Education - Now Available Worldwide
Of course, kink and BDSM groups don't just provide social havens for people. In fact, most kink groups, (alongside sex-positive retailers,) are the local resource for BDSM education too. While learning your kink from articles (like here on Kinkly!) or online videos can be a great start, there are various, high-risk kinks where online learning just isn't the best way to learn.
Plus, some people just learn better with hands-on classes - especially when there's somebody nearby to provide instant feedback and corrections to ensure the techniques are learned properly. You can definitely DIY your own flogger lessons and eventually end up with a good technique, but you can shortcut hours of incorrect (and potentially dangerous) methods if you have someone standing next to you to point out ways to do things better.
To that end, pre-pandemic, both sex toy retailers and kink communities offered adult sex education - and kink education. There are very few places in the world where you can drop-in and expect to find someone knowledgeable and open enough to discuss kink and sex with you, but sex toy stores and kink groups happen to be a few of them.
When in-person meet-ups and classes weren't viable anymore, many sex toy retailers with physical stores pivoted to online education. Like kink groups, some of those retailers found that online versions of their in-person events just made sense. Lion's Den Alicia Dunlap, shared the evolution of their online events:
For the next two parties, [following ladies' night] we decided to change up our themes; we tried a couple’s night and a men’s night. Again, we had a great response and turn out for both, but we quickly realized after the men’s night, that most attendees were more interested in the educational parts of our program.
For the next event, we started including a segment at the end of the program from a certified sexual health educator; to tie together everything we just learned about. Our first guest educator was Jessica Drake with Wicked Sensual Care, we’ve also partnered with Ducky Doolittle and Sunny Megatron.
Since we began these, our purpose has shifted from just product education, to addressing a wider range of relationship and sexual health and wellness topics. We’re so excited to partner with Kinkly for our first full educational webinar."
It isn't just retailers who are trying to keep the spirit of educational kink alive, though. Small, independent kink groups quickly followed suit. Those same video conferencing platforms became the new home of educational lectures too.
Of course, as we've been taught all online, anybody can say anything on the internet - and that rings just as true for online education as any other online interaction. The ability for any person to become a magical expert - and present their version of kink education as fact - is just as much a concern as it always was.
When kink education was limited to in-person interactions, the hosting venue would generally do cursory checks to ensure the presenter had the experience they were boasting about. Since in-person kink spaces advertised their classes and had their space used for the presentation, these kink spaces wanted to ensure that the information was factual, the person had the experience they claimed, and that their attendees would benefit from the knowledge. This led to a casual weed-out process that left many faux-presenters away from the podium.
That isn't always the case with online "educators". While sex toy retailers (like Lion's Den) and established kink groups are still doing quality checks on presenters, nothing stops an average person from creating a profile, claiming proficiency, and making a ticketed event to charge you to "learn" what they have to offer. It's just like anything else online - whether product or education. Make sure to do a bit of background research, make sure the "product" is legit, and protect yourself when shopping (and learning!) online.
On the flip side, now that kink education is online, it's also much more accessible to the masses! If you live in a small rural area, aren't connected to your local kink community (for any reason), are homebound for any reason, or just aren't able to attend in-person classes or workshops, you can still get great kink education.
This also means that nationally-known presenters aren't location-bound anymore. Just five years ago, you likely needed to attend a national kink conference or fly to a different country to hear some of the best educators in kink. Now, that same educator can stay in the comfort of their living room - and anyone around the world can enjoy that same education. (We apologize in advance for the graininess of the video, though!)
Since many kink educational classes encourage you to leave your video off - and require you to leave your own audio off too - the concerns about recording aren't as large as they would be with munches or play parties.
Partnered with the fact that kink groups can charge for admission to help cover the costs of the group administration or playspace that isn't getting physically used, kink education has become a popular way to interact with kink groups right now. You pay a little bit, and you get a great kink education. On the flip side, that presenter gets to pocket a bit of the cash (who has lost all of their in-person kink education gigs) while the kink group helps keep the lights on. Win-win all around.
Read: Why We All Need Sex Education (Even Adults!)
Some Kink Parties Have Moved Online - But Only Some
Kink parties have been the hardest to move online. For many spaces, kink play parties are the bread-and-butter of their income - and what helps support the rent to keep the place alive. For that reason, many kink spaces are still hosting play parties in-person - at least in the US.
Over the past year, this has actually become a point of contention in the kink community. Especially in a world where contact tracing requires a play space to pass over attendee information in case of an active infection, some question the wisdom of keeping play spaces open. On the opposing side of things, play parties bring in a large amount of income for the space, and play parties alone usually cover the majority of rent for a space.
During the pandemic, we've seen a good chunk of kink play spaces close permanently shortly after they made the decision not to host play parties. It's hard for anyone to get an accurate total because of the secretive nature of these venues, but considering 17% of US restaurants (as of December 2020) closed permanently due to pandemic-related reasons, you can extrapolate that a lot of these sex-positive spaces were closed as well.
Getting those spaces back will be a long and draining process for those communities. Not only will they need to find another space that's available for social events and loud noises, but they'll need the capital in order to reopen the space - and a team of administrators experienced enough to run an entire kink community while getting "paid" pennies. Getting a play space in the first place is difficult - and for many kinksters, they believe that hosting play parties - with precautions - is worth it to reduce the likelihood that the entire community will be missing a safe play space for the next 5 to 10 years. In my state in the US alone, 2 out of the 5 kink playspace buildings closed permanently during the last year.
On the other hand, some kink groups moved their play parties online. Online play parties are a relatively new phenomenon, so each group is making up their own "rules" as they go. For the most part, online play parties require everyone's audio and video to be on during a video conferencing chat to avoid people attending for malicious reasons, and people can play with their live-in partners, on video, while others watch. Some kink groups have rules against anything sexual or nude (to abide by video conferencing rules) while others don't.
In some other play parties, the play party itself is more of a "meet up" area, and participants are encouraged to socialize and talk in the main room - but are encouraged to pair off and go private for any type of play.
It really is a very different experience from in-person play parties, but when life gives you lemons, you try to make some lemonade out of it.
On the bright side, these online kink parties have given people with limited accessibility an easy way to get involved with their community. Since many people keep their homes in a manner that's safe and comfortable for them, people who have specific needs for play can play on their own furniture - and participate in a party - without many of the hurdles that traditional play parties have like unfamiliar furniture and small hallways.
Some Aspects Are Here to Stay
After everything we've all been through, I'd guess that some of these online aspects are here to stay.
Kink educators can reach far and wide with online classes - further than they otherwise may have been able to. For kink presenters who are looking for another way to fund their in-person travel and some of their niche classes, selling on-demand access to some of their most popular classes will help subsidize the income they need to focus on things they're passionate about presenting. After all, a bondage 101 class is going to be in higher demand than an "advanced needle play" class - but that doesn't mean that the needle play class isn't needed.
All of these workarounds have also shown how viable it can be for a kink community to be online-based - instead of focused on a specific location. Even now, support groups for kinksters are starting to be based on kink or need - instead of location. I think we'll see that continue. A weekly "Pet Play" group might meet online since, worldwide, there's enough demand for that type of group. If it had tried to survive in a local, physical location, it may not have been able to drum up enough participants.
I'd expect adult retailers to keep doing some of their sex ed events online as well. Not only does it allow them to take advantage of sex educator talent that might not be local to their store, but it also allows them to provide education to people who may not be otherwise able to make it to their storefront. Even for a company like Lion's Den who's available all across the Eastern US, there are still people unable to make it to a storefront with ease.
We're All Just Waiting
This isn't to mean that the kink community isn't rarin' to meet in person again. While some kinksters will probably embrace and seek out these online kink opportunities, there are a lot of kinksters who are just using these online interactions as a temporary band-aid over the wound that the pandemic has left. In a time where a supportive community can make a world of difference, even if "online" isn't the same as in-person, these online connections help bridge the gap between no contact - and full, in-person friendships.
We'll all be here, and ready to help return to "normal", when it's time to do so.
