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Kinky Together: How to Use Sex Tech for BDSM Pleasure

Published: JANUARY 7, 2022 | Updated: FEBRUARY 11, 2022
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Reviewed by Jen Mallia
on December 21, 2021
Smart devices do more than help us with work and personal organization. They can also help you and your partner enjoy some mutual BDSM pleasure!

Without a doubt, living in the future is amazing. After all, we have hover boards, electric cars, and electronic cigarettes. True, they have been known to…well, shall we politely say... explode. And the "cool factor" for some high tech gadgets may be debatable. Yet that doesn’t mean that there haven’t been some flat-out phenomenal technological breakthroughs. Even more impressive is that many of these breakthroughs involve giving an extra-added something to mankind’s oldest source of pleasure: sex.

Welcome to the World of Tomorrow

Gone are the days with sex toys just vibrating, rotating, or oscillating. These days, state-of-the-art erotic devices do all of that and more. Sheathed in hypoallergenic silicone, they move in all kinds of mysterious (and arousing) ways giving their users a wide range of sensations all but guaranteed to crank orgasms up to 11.

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Not only that, but they’re smart. Fitted with Internet-of-Things (IOT) brains, they can use Bluetooth or wi-fi to connect to similar toys or your smartphone.

This all means that when you fire up one of these new smart toys you can create and share playlists of vibrational, rotating, or oscillating pleasure. You can even sync it up so that what you do with your device can be transmitted to another toy in the same room...or one that’s thousands of miles away. The option to sync with pornograpghy is an exciting development. Using your toy to mimic the actions and movements onscreen brings the experience up a notch!

Read: Insert Yourself Into the Action With VR Porn

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It’s this new ability for sexual pleasure to be monitored, changed, or even switched off that has many in the BDSM community rather excited (to put it mildly). So, with that in mind, here’s an examination of how these new Internet-of-Things toys can be used for a wild, and very futuristic, good time.

Safe, Sane, Consensual--and Secure

As we are talking about BDSM, we first begin with a discussion about safety. The same provisions should always be present in any form of BDSM play. It should always be done with a thorough awareness of the emotional and physical risks involved. It should only be undertaken with a clear head - not drunk or stoned, and that everything (and I mean everything) should only be undertaken with clear consensuality. Yet, there are some unique concerns that everyone should know when dealing with smart tech.

There is a particular risk that comes with anything involving electronic information. There is a chance that your personal information could be accessed by someone else without your permission.

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While things are getting better in regards to data security, the risk still exists. There have even been some cases where people had their home tech just accessed, giving hackers control of devices. So far that’s mostly limited to things like nanny-cams and the like, but it was discovered in 2020 that a smart chastity device had a flaw that could have been exploited by hackers and left the user locked in. The flaw has since been patched, but what could have been is worrisome.

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Because of this, you should be extra careful when it comes to security. If you are not using Bluetooth, for example, turn it off. If you are using it, make sure your connection is totally secure.The same goes with wi-fi. Don’t do anything over a less-than-secure network. Passwords, too, should be both complicated as well as changed regularly.

So play smart, play safe, and don’t ever assume that things are secure without first checking thoroughly that they are. Yes, it’s a drag, but it's much better than finding out someone has been electronically eavesdropping on your sex life.

Reach Out and Control Someone

So now you have your state-of-the-art sex toy and you’re ready to use it for some high tech kinky play…now what? More than likely, the first thing to do is think about what kinky play is without the device. Then think about how you can use it to maybe make it even better.

One of the key elements of BDSM is the concept of sexual control: the relinquishing of it to someone else or the accepting of it from a consensual submissive, This is all pretty easy to do when you’re in the same room with one another. What if you’re not? With smart sextoys, a dominant can both monitor their submissive’s pleasure by accessing a toy’s usage. They could even remotely control it.

Imagine this scenario: the dominant allows the submissive to pleasure themselves, but not orgasm. By keeping tabs on when and how much the sex toy is used, they can then reward or punish them by altering the toy’s settings. Couple this with high tech supervision through video chat (some apps have built-in messaging capability,) and you have just about the perfect set of tools for a long-distance BDSM relationship.

If it is part of your power dynamic, you could even add in smartwatches or FitBits, so the dominant could monitor not just their submissive’s arousal, but also their health and guide them to being healthier through kinky rewards and punishments.

Sexual Recordings

Similarly, the dominant could create a special set of vibrations and then share this with the submissive to be played back through the toy as a reward when they’ve been especially obedient or just when the dominant wants to turn them on (quite literally).

A submissive, too, could record a session of sensations with a toy as a gift to their dominant: a sexual offering that could then be laid at the feet of their dominant as an act of worship or contrition when they mess up.

Not Just Buzzing and Vibrating

As the technology expands, there is the real possibility that in just a few years, we’ll be able to add all kinds of new capabilities to IoT devices. After all, we can already do things like play music, control the lights, adjust the thermostat, or see who's at the front door. It’s not that much of a stretch to envision being able to deliver punishing (though physically safe) electric shocks to misbehaving submissives using a remote control set up like the MyStim Cluster Buster.

Outside of sex toys, you can use tech to create a form of digital bondage that could consensually lock a submissive out of social media or even access an actual cookie jar with the right to browse Instagram or have a nice chocolate chip treat granted when they behave themselves.

Wearable Pleasure

Have you discovered the joy of wearable sex toys? This is tech that is totally non-obtrusive and worn under your clothing. It doesn’t take a kinky futurist to see the potential in these kinds of things. Submissives could have their sexuality, or even other aspects of their lives, in the control of their dominants not just in the bedroom, but anywhere and everywhere else: tickling arousals through high-tech underwear when they have been good or mild electric shocks when they aren’t. The We-Vibe Bond is a worn like a cock ring that delivers pleasing vibrations right from the base of the shaft. It can be controlled remotely for edging or paired with the Moxie Panty Vibe for some mutual pleasure. Looking even farther forward, we are seeing the fast approach of smart fabrics. The possible delights seem endless!

So What’s Next?

Indeed, living in the future truly is amazing, and while there are some serious things to keep in mind when we use this new technology to enhance our kinky play, the benefits far outweigh the risks.

And what’s even better about the future is that it keeps on coming. In the next few years we’ll see even more astounding ways that technology will change the face of sex.

Yet, no matter what comes, human beings will no doubt still love to be turned on, or turn someone else on--with or without electronic assistance.

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Photo for M. Christian
M. Christian

M.Christian is an author who has been published in science fiction, fantasy, horror, thrillers, and even nonfiction, but it is in erotica that M.Christian has become an acknowledged master, with stories in such anthologies as Best American Erotica, Best Gay Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Bisexual Erotica, Best Fetish Erotica, and in fact too many anthologies, magazines, and sites to name. In addition to writing, M.Christian is a respected sex and BDSM educator, having taught classes on everything from polyamory to tit torture for venues such as the SF Citadel, Good Vibrations, COPE (in Columbus, Ohio), Beat Me In St. Louis, Winter Fire, Floating World, Sin In The City (Las Vegas), Dark Odyssey, and many others.


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