Some submissive subcategories such as sissy, slut, and sugar-baby were often gendered but because of the kink community’s reluctance to conform to a social standard, hardly anyone bats an eye if anyone of any gender decides to take on a particular role/title.
As a non-binary person myself, I feel that exploring developing additional, truly gender-free terms could be beneficial. Language is an organic and ever-evolving experience, as the kink community expands and looks to examine who we have a history of excluding and increasing inclusive practices, we need to be open to seeing the areas we need to infuse anti-oppressive frameworks. Exploring how gender constructs can limit kink inclusion is one important step in that direction.
Both historically and in the present day, many queer cis-women, trans, and non-binary folks have paved new paths when it comes to gendered terminology and kink. For example, by embracing terms often seen in the mainstream as "masculine" such as Sir and Daddy/Daddi these forerunners challenged the gender box of kinky spaces and helped to enlighten fellow kinksters to the truth that identity is personal and so are the terms we decide to reject or embrace.
Read: How to Not Be a Jerk When it Comes to Gender
On Reddit, users discuss adding honorifics that are used in other contexts that both command authority and are used for people of any gender. Examples from users include “your Majesty,” “Reverend,” “Captain,” and “Commander.” Other message boards suggested “your Honor,” and “my Liege.”
While these may be technically gender-neutral they still will call to mind a male role as for so much of human history positions of power were only assigned to hyper-masculine cis-males. Is then this a matter of reclaiming the words we personally prefer, or should we come up with new terminology all together?
On TransTalk a user compiled a list of gender-neutral terms by mixing gendered terms to create new ones. Though not directly connected to kink titles they give an idea of how old terms can be blended into new ones: Dommy (mix of dad and mommy), Enbyfriend (a mix of non-binary and friend instead of boy/girlfriend), and Goddex (a blend of God and Goddess).
Read: Gender Neutral Sex Toys: What They Are and Why They Matter
When people have negative connotations with terms that other members of a community find affirming or empowering this can create a deep rift between the two camps.
The question then becomes how do we create kinky spaces that allow for each person to express their individual identity while maintaining a sense of emotional safety for all; as in the concept of "safe spaces," the questions remain, safe for whom and by who’s standard?
Perhaps the answer lies in the nuance of individual choice and preference. Yes, we can keep the common terms such as dominant and submissive and yes we can additionally play around with new terminology.
There may be words long forgotten that will be relearned and reclaimed. All of these options are good options, it really will be a matter of allowing space for each person, community, and partnership to decide fits best for them. By personally exploring our individual relationships with our own gender identity and expression and melding our findings with terms and descriptors that best fit our experiences we can find language that best fits us and our communities and perhaps coin some new terms along the way.