You may or may not be familiar with National Sex Day. But June 9th (or 6/9 ... get it?) is an unofficial holiday where platforms and organizations share facts about sex. So here's one: Many people with a vagina (if they're straight) simply aren’t enjoying sex as much as they could. It’s also fitting that National Sex Day falls under Pride month where we can celebrate love in all forms and identities.
Dr. Jennifer Wider, MD, women's health expert and K-Y partner, “Women shouldn't hesitate in letting their partners know what works for them in the bedroom.” According to recent studies, 61% of women-identifying people put their “partner's pleasure before theirs,” and do not prioritize their pleasure. Is it any wonder people with vaginas are having fewer orgasms?
Interestingly, these numbers are quite different in queer or lesbian relationships. In fact, in same-sex relationships, both partners achieve orgasm at higher rates, while in heterosexual relationships, it's women who tend to miss out.
"Part of the problem is failure to understand female anatomy and the role that the clitoris plays in the female orgasm,” Wider said. So, in celebration of this year's National Sex Day, we are celebrating orgasm - and advocating for an end to the so-called "orgasm gap." Here are some tips on how to do that.
Achieve an Orgasm
Orgasm spots can actually change, with time and with your partner. On this day, try something new with someone you’re seeing or during a fantasy while masturbating. Since orgasms can reduce stress and anxiety, and improve sleep, getting off is a healthy thing. Of course, we don’t always have orgasms on command - there isn’t an easy button to press to achieve a feel-good moment. But exploring on your own, as well as with someone else, can create a way to find your pleasure - and own it.
Close the Orgasm Gap
"Women are more likely to experience an orgasm during sexual activity that includes oral sex,” Wider says. She suggests that communication is key for “reciprocity and a healthy sex life.” Communication can close the orgasm gap. “And if something isn't working, like for example, vaginal lubrication, a common issue among women - she shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed to discuss it openly. Most times, adding a product like K-Y is enough to do the trick,” she says. Moreover, prioritizing a cis-male's orgasm is a cultural problem - women have been programmed, in heteronormative relationships, to put other people's pleasure before their own. And since 61 percent of women do this, it’s imperative that we begin to speak up for our likes and dislikes. Closing this gap, and reclaiming your own sexual pleasure, can improve your all-around well-being.
Act Out Those Fantasies
“Fantasy is a healthy part of a healthy sex life,” Wider said. “Oftentimes, discussing fantasies can jump-start a sexual encounter and work well as foreplay. Open and honest dialogue with a partner is always imperative no matter what the topic.” For many people, fantasies are secretive and this has largely to do with stigma and shame. But fantasies don’t always have to be kept in the dark. A study in The Journal of Sex Research found that couples who discuss their fantasies with one another are happier. The study looked at communication, stability and satisfaction.
Not that we all need more of a reason to have sex, but National Sex Day is a good excuse to take a look at the sex you're having - and whether it's worth celebrating. So take a look at your sex life and whether it's delivering what you're looking for, be it more pleasure, more orgasm, more connection or more kink. If it falls short, today's a great day to take steps to make your sex life something that's worth getting excited about.
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