We all have identities, and most likely, more than one. Not everybody wears their sexual identity on their sleeve, but we all have one. This week's Sex Stories We Love looks at just a few of the many sexual identities that are now becoming known and embraced.

Identity Revolution

Some revolutions are marked with a particular powder keg moment when everything explodes and change trickles through after. Other times, revolutions resemble something more like evolution, with change coming as the result of new ideas slowly gaining ground until they are understood and accepted. Our current sexual revolution is mostly the latter, with little bursts of the former to get things moving. And sexual and gender identity are playing a big role in this progress. M. Christian sagely points to both sexual and gender fluidity and the movement from sexual minority to acceptance status as hallmarks of our current sexual revolution (among other strong topics). These ideas truly are helping us progress to a world of better acceptance.

Dating Daunting Demisexuals?

Dating is tough! People are strange! But shouldn't it be easier when you come to understand who you are and get to know what you need from a relationship—whether that be a hook-up or something long-term? Maybe yes...maybe no. Our individual identities are just half the factor in our dating lives. There is, of course, the other people. So, even for someone who understands their own demisexuality, they have to find folks who also understand what it is like to meet, greet, date, and relate to a demisexual. Fortunately, Emma Austin lays it all out for others to understand how to date a demisexual. Trust me, we're worth it.

Finding Sexual Happiness

To mix things up a bit, let's talk about a non-identity. When Molly was diagnosed with terminal cancer, she decided she did not want to be defined by that situation. Folks who deal with medical trauma often speak of this. Instead, Molly wanted to experience the rest of her days as herself, and part of that was reconnecting with her lost sexuality. Before her illness was revealed, Molly recognized she was in a sexually unsatisfying marriage, and her second cancer diagnosis was the impetus for her to get out and enjoy sex in her remaining time. Before she passed away, Molly recorded a podcast series, Dying for Sex, detailing this decision, and it is on my must-listen list. When this story broke, I saw countless awful comments directed at Molly's decision. Frankly, I applaud her and look forward to learning more from her.

The Case for Sluts

Some might call Molly a slut for what she chose to do. One of the most derogatory and demeaning words hurled at women (yes, almost invariably women), slut has received a bit of renaissance. At least in certain communities. In the mainstream, it is still a nasty slur. But some folks are reclaiming slut, both in a wider, philosophical sense, as well as embracing it as their own sexual identity. I love how Ena Dahl uses the term "sexual sovereignty" to describe her journey of learning about others' sexuality and her own.

Writing About Sex


This post from Marie Rebelle on sex blogger privacy really hits home because it is something I have thought about for a long time. Because I've been a sex writer for a long time. But, back in the infancy of my sex writing days, I didn't even think twice about using my real name. I did write some of my erotica under a nom de plume, but for the most part, it has been my Jon Hand-on-Cock out there. And when it comes to privacy, I guess I am lucky that I've only had mine threatened a couple of times. When I did start, there were two factors why I embraced my identity as a sex writer: a) it was all in print and the internet wasn't quite the information hub that it is now, and, b) I was much more of a glory hob at that point. I wanted to be fully known as a sex writer. But I often wonder, if I were starting over now...would I be so cocky?

Cock and/or Roll(ing)

Finally, it seems that if you like to bang your head, you're also likely to enjoy banging in a car!

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