HOW TO PLEASURE
How to Set Up Your Sensual Massage for Success
Giving your partner a sensual massage can be a wonderful lead up to sex, or it can be a gift of your time with no strings attached. Either way, make it a good one!
You've heard "give a massage" offered as a tried-and-true sexual connection technique, over and over and over. But have you considered that the quality of your massage matters just as much as the act of giving it?
True, your partner may appreciate a backrub when they're sitting up, watching TV, after a long day's work - but that may not be likely to put them in the mood. If your goal is to get them feeling sexy, you might want to try something different from this kind of approach.
"Give a massage" can be some couple's way to communicate that they're wanting sex. If that works for both of you, use these tips as a great way to make a "foreplay massage" luxuriant and sensual so you both are raring to go when the massage is done.
The assumption that every massage must lead to sex isn't ideal though. It can fill the simple act of massaging with a whole bunch of unwanted pressures and expectations. This starts the receiver down a path where they turn down massages they'd otherwise enjoy because they know "what's expected after." Sometimes a massage can be the whole event; a gift to your partner to make them feel treasured without the implication that it will lead to sex.
Either way, you want to set up your sensual massage for success. One of the ways to do that is to communicate in a caring way "I am doing this with no expectation of sex" or conversely, "I hope this makes you feel so good you are going to rip my clothes off after."
Whichever path you are taking, follow these tips, set the mood feel free to introduce some ethical sex toys and make it an experience that jumps out as a sensual opportunity.
If you're outside in the middle of winter while it's snowing, how much do you want to take off all of your clothing? Probably not much.
The same can be said for a sensual massage. If you want to welcome your partner to disrobe and relax into the massage, you need to make sure the environment welcomes it. In this case, that might mean turning up the temperature.
For a naked body entirely at rest, you might want a temperature at least around 72-degrees Fahrenheit. If that's drastically different from where you normally keep your home temperature, consider a space heater (safely) placed within the room for an hour or two ahead of time. This can help warm up that particular room to a nice and toasty temperature.
Did you know that a lot of massage oils can stain? Not all - but that isn't something you want to take a chance with when you're laying in the middle of your favorite luxury sheets.
Make sure you plan in advance for this - because no one wants to finish their massage just to realize they stained their couch. Plus, if your partner knows this is a possibility, it may make it impossible for them to relax into the massage.
One of the easiest ways to help protect furniture is with a Liberator Throw or other sex blankets. Not only do they provide a soft, sensual surface to give the massage, but it also offers an internal waterproof layer to keep any liquids or fluids from soaking through the blanket. This protects all of your furniture - while making it seem like you've laid out a soft cloud for them to relax on.
Another easy way to reduce messes is to moderate how much oil you use. A little bit of massage oil goes a long way. Don't feel like you need to pour it all on. Remember, the bottle is there and can be used for top-ups anytime you need it.
Massage Oil for Massage, Lube for Genitals
I know, I know. It can be really tempting to just give into the moment and use a bit of massage oil for intercourse, but nope. Don't do it.
Most massage oils are oil-based; this is actually a good thing for massage oil! It makes it last forever and provides that amazing slickness you're used to. If you've ever tried to use a water-based lube to give a massage, it's really a lack-luster experience. Oil-based lubes really make hands glide!
However, oil-based lubricants can be hostile to a lot of vaginal environments. Some people tolerate them fine, but others find themselves with infections after using oil-based lubes. Plus, oil-based lubes tear up latex condoms, so that safer sex you think you're having might not be as safe.
If you're a couple who prefers penetration with sex toys, that also takes oil-based lubes out of the running. Oil-based lubes can break down a lot of common sex toy materials!
That's why you want to switch to a water-based lube like Sliquid H20 if moving on to penetration. Not only is it more friendly to the vaginal microbiome, but it's going to preserve your sex toys and your safer sex barriers.
Pick Up a Bit
I know how hectic my life gets, and I assume yours is the same. However, picking up a bit of the clutter in the room where you're going to give the massage is really a great way to improve your partner's experience. Seeing clutter (and having an instant reminder of the evergoing to-do list) can be an instant arousal prohibiter for a lot of people.
Even if it isn't a mental block for your partner, the fact that you picked up will be appreciated - and it will give the room a new, "fresh" look that it didn't have before!
If you're light on time, I recommend:
- Pick up everything off the floor that shouldn't be there.
- Ensure any storage buckets (including the laundry bin) isn't overflowing.
- Remove any dirty dishes.
- Remove any bright packaging or distracting objects that are out of place.
- Make the bed - or at least make it look presentable (if there's a bed).
Lighting is huge! Study after study has been done about how our surrounding light changes our perception of everything from friendliness to stress to buying to hunger. It's all the same with relaxation. People just relax best when they aren't under bright, probing lights.
You can make that happen in your sensual massage space too. With the popularity of dimmable smart lightbulbs, you might have that power literally in your pocket (with your cell phone).
If that isn't something you have, consider turning off all of the lights - then adding in small, gentle lights accordingly. This can be as simple as turning on your bedside light. Or as complicated as getting cheap puck lights from an online store. You can then add these tiny, hockey-shaped disks anywhere you want a bit of light. Get creative and slide them partially under the bed or partially under furniture to get some really neat ambiance going on.
Either way, unless you or your partner require brighter lighting, consider dimming the lights - a lot - for your massage. Don't go pitch black, but make it dark enough that it feels easier to relax.
Prep for Your Massage
Don't be scrambling all over the room when you're giving your sensual massage. Instead, imagine how and where you'll be primarily giving the massage. Once you have that in mind, start stockpiling everything you'll need near that spot, so you can effortlessly reach each item for seamless transitions between activities.
One of the big rules of a professional masseuse is to limit the number of times your massage recipient feels no hands on them. Constant contact is a great thing for massages, and you'll want to mimic that as best you can.
I recommend keeping these items nearby:
Play Some Music
You don't have to be an expert DJ to get a bit of music going. Just consider typing in "massage music" or "spa music" into your favorite music or video platform, and you'll have your options to choose from!
Most streaming platforms nowadays have ads, though, so make sure you've previewed your choice for ads - and purchased if need be. There's nothing more startling than being deep into a massage trance when someone starts screaming about buying waffles.
Make sure your choice of music is long enough to cover the massage (45 minutes is probably a good target if you don't know how long to go). If your choice isn't long enough, make sure the music platform has a Repeat functionality - and that you've turned it on.
Experiment with Massage Candles
Have you seen massage candles? If not, you're in for a serious treat! Massage candles look like standard candles, but when you burn them, all of their "wax" melts into a warmed massage oil. It's actually pretty cool! You then blow out the candle and gently pour the warmed oil onto your partner's skin.
Not only do you get a candle (for ambiance) out of the deal, but you also get a luscious, completely warmed massage oil out of it - and the scents on a lot of these candles are out of this world!
If you're curious about giving it a try, SeaGrape massage candles are made from soy wax, shea butter, avocado oil, and coconut oil - and melt down into a perfect mixture to rub into your partner's skin. Not only does the oil help it work perfectly for your massage, but the shea butter ensures your partner's skin is going to be nice and smooth when you're done! You can get them as part of a kit too, if you want to spoil yourself a bit.