“No, I wanna give YOU head, my breathtaking goddess.”
“Just lay back and relax, gorgeous man.”
“No, YOU relax, ethereal queen and light of my life!!”
Jesus Christ. I mean, generosity is sweet and all, but generally speaking, there needs to be some give-and-take for magic to happen during foreplay. Find a balance by letting your partner take the reins when it feels right. You can return the favor later when they’re feeling more receptive.
Remember: satisfying you satisfies them. (Or at least, it should.)
“Is this turning her on? Does she like how this feels? Does she still think I’m sexy? Hope she didn’t notice that little zit by my ear. I wonder if she has some secret kink she’s too embarrassed to tell me about. Is this enough pressure? Am I going too fast?!”
These are the thoughts of a lover who lacks information. Help them out by speaking up when you have something to say. If you want it harder, softer, faster, slower, etc., let them know!
Chances are, they’ll be happy to oblige. If there’s something in particular you’d like them to do, ask. If you’re respectful about it and honor their freedom to say no, they’re not likely to get offended. They might even be aroused by your request. See if your partner is into dirty talk and find out which words light up their mind.
Read: Dirty Talk 101: The Art of Using Your Words
Also, empower your partner’s confidence by telling them what you like about them. Chances are they’ve got beautiful eyes or a gorgeous smile or a great butt or soft skin or strong hands or a hot dad bod or the cutest ears you’ve ever seen or WHATEVER. Just let them know! A small comment like that can stay with someone forever.
9. Masturbate together.
You might think, “Uhhhh, why watch my partner when I could jump in and help?” You are a giving soul and I commend you, but hear me out. There’s much to be learned by sitting back and observing.
You’ll get a sense of how your partner warms up, how they like to touch themselves, what motions they use, and much more. And beyond that, watching your partner get off is hot. ‘Nuff said.
Read: Double the Fun! 5 Hot Tips on Self Touch for Two
10. Try out some toys.
Foreplay is a great time to try new things together. Take your partner on a date to a sex shop and pick out a few things you’d both like to try. You might buy a flogger, anal plugs, a vibrator, or sexy costumes for roleplay.
Be open-minded and see where your adventure takes you!
If you need inspiration check out: The Top 7 Couples Sex Toys That Are Great for Solo Play Too.
11. Don’t forget the lube.
Foreplay can involve many kinds of activities. You might want to have some lube on hand to help ease things along at some point.
Remember, silicone lube can’t be used with silicone toys. Also, oil-based lube may interact badly with certain types of plastic. Water-based lube is your safest bet, but will probably have to be applied more often. Make sure the toys and lube you choose are compatible.
Enjoy yourself, courageous explorer!