How To Love Your Vulva

The genital anatomy of people with vulvas is amazing. It encompasses the clitoris with it’s 8000 nerve endings (in the tip alone), so much more than just a little nub, but including internal anatomy that is as large as a penis. There is the the g-spot, just inside the vaginal wall, which in reality is more of an area, than a single point. There are the other pleasure spots such as the anus, and the cervix. With so much orgasmic potential, what’s there not to love?

However, despite the juicy bliss spots many vulva-owners, experience a lack of understanding of their genitals. A 2021 study found that the majority of people with vulvas struggle to name their anatomy. In the study participants were given a survey where they were asked to name seven structures of their genital anatomy. Just 46% identified that there were three holes while almost half didn’t label any at all. Only 9% correctly labelled the seven structures. Another study from 2014 by the Eve Appeal for raising awareness about gynecological cancers found that 65% of people felt uncomfortable using the terms vulva and vagina.

Take the Quiz: How Well Do You Know the Vulva?

Without accurate understanding of the names of our genital anatomy, how can we learn and grow in our sexual discovery? Without the ease to use the correct anatomical terms how can people express their sexual needs to a partner? Although we can all have our own pet names for our genitals or pleasure spots, the lack of knowledge and uncomfortableness surrounding language does suggest a disconnection between the genitals and their owners.

Growing up in a culture with so much silence surrounding sexuality, it’s no wonder that we experience shame, and embarrassment coupled with a lack of knowledge. This shame can leave us feeling insecure about our genitals. We may look at our vulvas and wonder if they’re normal, and how they are meant to appear. The problem can be exacerbated by porn, filling our minds of ideas of perfect, symmetrical labia. that we feel our own vulvas don’t meet up to.

However in reality vulvas and labias come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Acknowledging the beauty of difference can be the first step to loving our own vulvas.

Elizabeth Wood is a sex therapist and co-author with Dee Hartmann of The Pleasure Prescription: A Surprising Approach To Sexual Pain. In the book Wood describes part of her journey towards accepting her labia. She used to think that they were "too big" as they hang down lower than her outer labia. Then she signed up for a workshop in Quodushka, a form of Native American sacred sexuality. In Quodushka, labia are actually classified into different shapes, represented by different animals, with certain sexual characteristics.

For example Wood’s big inner labia were defined as a 'buffalo" woman and these inner labia can actually be a huge source of sexual pleasure. Other labia types include; the "sheep" woman, who have puffy rounded vulva, and are described as being sensitive with a need for heartfelt connection during sex and; the ‘"wolf" woman has an inner labia that look like butterfly wings and is reputed to have a rich fantasy life.

Quodushka teachings are a beautiful way to embrace the unique differences between vulvas rather than assuming there is ‘one’ way they are meant to look. (for a full list and description of the vulva types check out The Pleasure Prescription or The Sexual Practises of Quodoushka by Amara Charles.)