If you're not at all up for any kind of mutual, sexual session with a partner, let them be alone with their hands or sex toys. If you want to expand your sex toy collection, or haven't used one before, the selection at Lion's Den is a great place to start.
Your partner isn't replacing you with a toy, we promise! They're simply enjoying their body while meeting an important need. Even better, they're respecting your right to say 'no' to sex anytime you wish.
There's more to masturbation than we can cover in a couple of paragraphs, but reading some tips or experimenting with new techniques is a great starting point to learn about your seemingly endless, solo sex options. Read: Solo Sex Tips for Vulva-Owners
Explore the World of Online, A/V Erotica
Yep, you guessed it. We're talking about porn here. We know the P-word can be triggering to some folks for many reasons, ranging from past sexual abuse to the effects of mainstream beauty standards imposed upon young people.
Thankfully there's such a thing as ethical porn, and there are myriad ways to dive into ethically-made adult content to arouse and satisfy your eyes and ears. Ethical porn is a great alternative to the wild west of free, often stolen adult content, especially if you're not that keen on porn to begin with, or often find that porn 'doesn't do anything' for you.
Porn can be watched alone while masturbating; together as way to boost arousal and libido; or some combination of the two, such as one partner watching while the other performs oral sex or other acts of pleasure.
If visual pornography doesn't pique your interest, we suggest checking out audio porn, which runs the gamut from erotic storytelling to vocal BDSM scenarios.
Be Open to Limit-Setting Styles of Sex
Sometimes your partner isn't completely not in the mood, but they're not up for certain sex acts at the moment. The two of you can still share a very sexy encounter without crossing comfort lines – which, by the way, can change from week to week, day to day, or even hour to hour.
Maybe you just ate a big meal and the thought of putting anything else inside your body feels overwhelming, or just plain gross on a full belly. If you're stressed, tired or upset, a full evening of foreplay might sound as desirable as cleaning the kitchen. Read: Using Tantric Touch to Get You in the Mood
However, when you see your partner head for their sex toy
drawer or digital porn stash
, you realize you're actually kind of turned on. You just don't feel like, say, being penetrated or twisting yourself into your usual favorite, acrobatic sex position. But, for example, giving a hand job with a stroker sex toy or masturbating in front of your partner with a vibrator sounds super hot.
Talk about what you are interested in doing, and be clear about what's off-limits right now. If you can't meet in the middle, this is exactly where our above advice on masturbation and porn can come into play.
Enlist the Assistance of a Sex and Relationship Therapist
The health and wellness space is booming with certified experts, coaches and therapists, and doctors who specialize in sex-related concerns. If the two of you can't crack this case together, then the professional, third-party opinion of a therapist, counselor, or sex coach could be a great route to a libido remedy. Read: It's Not You: 4 Signs Your Partner is Too Depressed for Sex
With a bit of research, we're confident you can find a doctor, therapist or coach who will work for you and your partner. Often, they can recommend solutions that may have been impossible to ascertain on your own.
No matter what solution you choose, never forget that sex is entirely personal and doesn't have to follow any societal norms. When consent and communication are consistently involved, there's no wrong way to have a libido or improve your coupled sex life.