Notice the sounds, smells, tastes, colors, that surround you. Don’t try to not think, try instead to notice your thoughts and to let them flow through you. As you do this notice your breath and allow your inhale and exhale to be a little bit slower, a little bit deeper.
Read: Sex for the Soul: Tantric Exploration for Beginners
Bring meditation into your daily life.
Once you have carved out time to have a focused meditative practice, begin weaving it into your daily life- pausing to breathe and quiet your thoughts while answering emails, waiting in traffic, and listening to your loved ones. As this becomes more comfortable you will feel ready to incorporate these exercises into your sexual connections.
Use meditation to notice what you are feeling and where you are emotionally during sex.
When beginning this practice I suggest starting to do this during solo sex time (masturbation). This takes the pressure off observing your feelings while interacting with a partner. If you usually use erotica in some form, try to put it away for now so that you can be completely immersed in what you are feeling in your body. You may notice thoughts or memories that surface and bring you joy or ones that are painful and have been suppressed. This leads us to our next point.
Journal and talk to a counselor or therapist about your observations.
As we just said, many of these observations may be painful or difficult to reconcile with. This is why we often stay in a constant state of distraction, sexual or otherwise. It is important to not be left alone to process these feelings.
Whether it is shame about our desires, our bodies or past trauma, take note of what you are observing and connect with a certified/licensed sex counselor, therapist, or educator who can help you work through this experience to make it a productive and transformative.
Read: How Journalling Can Transform Your Sex Life
Use your meditative practice to learn about yourself and communicate with your partners.
How often do we struggle to answer the question “What do you want to do?” or “How does this feel?” in complete honesty? As you continue to grow in being more attuned with your sexual mind, body, and spirit these questions become easier to answer.
Share with your partner what you are feeling, the things you are sharing with your therapist, or anything else that might be helpful in creating a fruitful conversation for you both.
The Bottom Line
Sex is nothing to fear or be ashamed of, and meditation can help us find these truths in the midst of our hectic and busy lives. By taking the time to learn a meditation style that works best for us and gives us the tools to reconnect with our core self we can see sex as something truly transformative.