Whatever you do, don’t censor yourself. Don’t judge yourself and your thoughts. Just write it all down. Trust that your intuition is leading you through your struggles and worries to insights you need to know.
This is a practise that you can do regularly any time you want to reconnect with your sexual self. Even as little as 15 to 20 minutes can help. Just write for whatever amount of time feels good.
In our busy lives, we often get disconnected from our bodies and our sexuality. You can use writing as a way to step back into conscious awareness of feeling.
Repeat the freewriting exercise above, and this time notice how your body feels as you write. Describe the sensations you have in your body as you sit in your chair. Notice any pleasurable or non-pleasurable sensations, and write them down. Try to notice the small, subtle sensations that you don't normally notice.
In the book Liberation Into Orgasm, Tantra teacher Sofia Sundari explains that conscious awareness of our body helps us to notice that ‘even the slightest sensation of pleasure in the body is orgasmic.’
You can use writing as a key to tap into your orgasmic self, and experience your full potential.
Read: 6 Tantric Sex Books to Read If You Want to Get Into Tantra
Recount Favourite Sexual Memories
Writing down your favourite sexual memories can be a great way to connect with who you are sexually, and what you like. First, brainstorm a top 10 (or 20 or 50!) of your best sexual encounters of all time. Once you create a list, you can dive deeper and describe them.
Use as many of the five senses as you can to really bring the scene to life. Notice how you feel as you re-live the moment. You might want to describe that, too.
You could also experiment with bringing in an element of fantasy. Perhaps you want to change the scene to a more exotic location, or turn a twosome into a threesome?
Your own sexual past can be a way to enhance your sexual present and future, whether you are focusing on fantasy or reality.
Read: How Sex Journaling Can Improve Your Sex Life
Write about Your Fantasies
Write down ten fantasies. Choose whatever pops into your head. Again, don’t censor yourself. The page won’t judge you. Focus on how the fantasy would feel in your body, as well as what you would see, smell, taste, and touch.
Find some inspiration by reading erotica or real-life sex stories like The Diary of Anais Nin or The Bride Stripped Bare.
Read: How Writing Erotica Helped Me Overcome Low Libido
Create an Imaginary Partner
If you don’t have a partner, or even if you do and just want to have some fun, close your eyes and visualise your ideal partner.
What do they look like? What do they smell like? How do they touch you? What do they say to you? What kind of accent do they have? After spending a few minutes fantasising write out a description of them.
After that you could begin an imaginary diary of your sexual encounters.
Read: People Share the Hottest Fantasies They Masturbate To
Find Your Voice
In the moment of sex, we often get swept away. We don’t always find our voice to say what we like, and what we don’t like.
Finding your voice on the page can be the first step to finding your voice in life. Perhaps there was a way your partner touched you that you didn't really like, but you are a people pleaser so you just went on with it in the moment. You may not have been consciously aware that you didn’t like it.
So, create a diary where you record your sexual encounters. Record what you liked, and what you didn't like. This can help you to become more focused on what brings you pleasure, so you can invite more of it into your life.
Your Dream Sex Life
When athletes are in training, they often use visualisation to help them succeed. They imagine themselves passing through the finish line, and they incorporate all of their senses to create a vivid scene.
This creates a powerful mental perspective that they are going to win. Their actions naturally help them to manifest this reality.
So although you might want to use your sex journal to vent about your disappointing sex life to get the negative feelings out of your system, you might also want to use it to dream big.
How do you want your sex life to be? Who are you having sex with and how often? What are you doing together?
Dream big. Get wild.
Don’t censor yourself based on what you think is possible to attain. Write it all down on the page and watch it become a reality.