I want to see so many good things happen, for all of us, in our sexual lives. I can see a beautiful, sexy, thrilling future for all of us. It ain't gonna be easy, but I hope we get there. This is my last Sex Stories We Love. Over the years, so many good things have happened. So much positive sexual movement. Let's keep it all going, you awesome, sexy people. Thank you, Kinkly, for this amazing opportunity.
Grow With It
There are two amazing parts to this story: wider recognition of asexual people and better understanding of three-parent families. In this day and age, we have to understand that the traditional nuclear family—two heterosexual parents who procreated two children who all leaved in a Leave It to Beaver fantasy world—is not our human default. It is a construct. Sure, it can work from some people, but it does not work for everyone. We are diverse creatures who can create wonderful bonds with anyone. Our emotions are not constrained to dominant constructs. Our desires are not a governmental decree. Children should receive all the love in the world from one, two, three, or more parents. We can learn and we can deconstruct.
If we are going to move sex forward to a better world for all, it is crucial that we all work to be better allies to sex workers. As sex workers begin to find a voice in media and among sex educators, they are starting to move their narrative away from the dominant view that has stigmatized them for so long. Sex workers offer a vital service to many people and communities. Knocking down sex worker stereotypes and offering space and opportunity to share and reshape their stories is crucial. Hypocritically loved and demonized for so long, sex workers can bring so much to the table of sexual culture. It's time to make plenty of room.
Years of analyzing sex news, I'm glad I've seen some positive forward movement when it comes to sex education. In some places. For some people. Unfortunately, what has been gained will quickly be lost if sex educators, government, school boards, and the sex community do not introduce sex education that includes people of colour, indigenous people, queer people, differently-abled people...every type of person who just might desire sex someday. There is no middle ground here. People will better learn about sexuality if they see themselves represented by instructors, teachers, mentors, in literature, in film, and in discussion. There is groundswell of activism on this issue, and steps are being taken. But, fuck steps. We need giant, sprinting leaps to end the whitewashing of sex ed.
I live with a lot of privilege. I have surely benefited from that greatly in my career as a sex writer. As a white, Canadian male I can talk about sex all I want, and rarely do I get questioned or shamed. If I add my bisexualityinto the mix, I might get a few side-eyes, but that's about it. My privilege automatically granted me empowered status. I am one of the small number in our society that is unquestionably allowed to talk about sex, have opinions about sex, and even be outwardly sexual without recourse. Everyone should be sexually empowered, and there are different ways to go about that. One way is to share a blog. I've been lucky enough to read and share so many sex blogs about how people are discovering and enjoying their sex. Their stories are crucial to both the individuals and our sex community as a whole as we move away from the white male-centric view of sex.
Okay, this particular post is about sucking cock, and, obviously, not everyone sucks cock. But that's not what I'm focusing on here (although Emma's tips are fantastic). It is the idea of sexual enthusiasm. Rarely are we ever told to be excited and thrilled at the potential of having sex, which makes very little sense in my brain because, like, sex is exciting and thrilling. Instead, shame and fear have been beaten into our brains, and significantly moreso for women, queer folk, trans people, and older folks. So many confusing messages and dictates have taken us away from a core aspect of sex: it can feel bloody amazing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being enthusiastic about something you derive pleasure from. It doesn't matter who you play with, what you play with, what you do when you play, or how you feel as you play. I'm excited for your sexual adventures, and I hope you can be, too!
Finally, I appreciate that I've been able to share words about sex with you all these years. We may be breaking up, but we'll always have these words.
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