The More You Know! This week's Sex Stories We Love is a bit like an after school special. Let's explore how we learn about sex.
Gaining from Grindr
There is no doubt that hook-up apps absolutely changed the landscape of sex. Sure, people have been leaving requests for sex and relationships out there for others to find in various ways over the years: newspaper ads, website connections, messages in a bottle... Yet apps like Grindr really changed the game. As such, it's important to take stock of the ways portable, easy-to-use, extremely accessible connection apps have impacted us. We can learn a lot about where sex is now from what people say about sex apps, both in respect to society and individuals. Looking through Zachary Zane's recollections, it is a microcosm of both world issues and individual questions. Lots to think about here.
So much of sex is about asking questions. Ideally, you and your partner(s) have great communication and ask each other about sex all the time...but that's not what I'm referring to here. We question ourselves. When it comes to sex, every step of the experience—before, during, and after—can be fraught with queries, concerns, and second-guessing. Emma Austin shares this poignant post about the inner monologue that many of us go through when we think about sex and what we might do differently. Everyone would have to have a sex life that is fulfilling, pleasurable, considerate of partners and self...but we have to work our way to that point. We don't have ourselves or others, but we can learn.
Pulling Out of Penetration
One of the crucial parts of learning about sex is unlearning about what you thought you know about sex. And these days, there is plenty we all really need to forget about. One of the most dominant sex facts that we need to unlearn is that sex necessarily involves penetration. Despite the number of posts, articles, videos, workshops, and podcasts that are out there the defaults of sex still frequently involve penis or finger penetration. Maybe we need skywriting that says "Our bodies are full of sexy parts!" Frankly, I'd love to see this written across a bright blue sky. Here are some tips to enjoy your or your partner(s)' body without getting inside it.
Dick Pic Penance
Dick pics are definitely suffering from a branding problem. Now, let's not discount that the poor impression dick pics have left is entirely self-caused. The easy-to-use technology to photograph and send anything now was too much temptation for men who are only just starting to evolve socially and sexually. Dudes have a long way to go to handle this responsibility and they really should learn. Because there's nothing that says people don't want to receive a cock in a considerate, consensual way. It can be a sexy thing...but there's a lot of rehabbing needed before we get to that place. In the meantime, while you wait patiently, work on your camera techniques to best capture the best composition for the cock.
The Knowledge of Sex Workers
This isn't really a new idea, but it is one that people always seem to forget—or conveniently ignore. We can always gain significant insights about sex and sexuality be speaking to sex workers. These are the folks who spend time with different people, experience different connections to sex, and can offer stories and evidence of what their clients are into, desire, request, and gain pleasure from. We are so steeped in the ideals of sex perpetrated by mainstream media that it is refreshing to hear what people are actually interested in. One of the most contentious issues is body representation. As Laura LeMoon notes, what men say they want isn't always what they really want or enjoy. Let's spend more time learning from those who know.
Finally, we say goodbye to an incredibly important feminist, sex researcher, and advocate whose sharing of sex-related surveys in the Hite Reports taught us so much about sexuality, in particular women's sexuality. Rest in power, Shere Hite.
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