Brat Tamer

Updated: JULY 8, 2024

A brat tamer is a Dominant in the BDSM community who disciplines a naughty submissive partner, dubbed a brat.

What is a brat?

A brat is a disobedient submissive person within the BDSM community. These people push the boundaries set by their dominant partner and question their authority. They may want their partner to prove their dominance over them, rather than simply accepting it. They may also enjoy getting a rise out of their dominant for their bad behavior. Brats are typically cheeky and playful, which can add spice to the power exchange dynamic.

A brat’s reluctance to do as they’re told makes them different from obedient submissives. However, they will submit to the dominant when they’re punished or sufficiently tamed.

Types of brats

There are many different types of brats that brat tamers might dominate, including:

  • Princess brat: A coddled brat who can regularly push past their limits and get their own way.
  • Ageplay brat: A brat who assumes the role of a younger person, such as a little brat or a teenage brat.
  • Witty brat: An intelligent brat who enjoys talking back to their dominant and using their smarts to get a rise from them.
  • Strong personality brat: A rebellious brat who fights hard to maintain control.

What is a brat tamer?

A brat tamer is a dominant person who has a power exchange relationship with a bratty sub. Some dominants naturally gravitate towards brats. They may like their playfulness, feistiness, and unpredictability. They may also enjoy managing their rebellious natures or the challenge that dominating them provides. Other dominants become brat tamers after sparking with a sub with bratty tendencies.

Brat tamers have an authority role in their relationship. They may choose a title that reinforces this role, such as Sir, Madam, Daddy, or Mommy. While they are authority figures, they are not dictators. Although they set the rules and punish bratty behavior, they also give their brat space to speak their mind and listen to their point of view. They also encourage self-reflection and support their brats in taking responsibility for their actions and striving to behave better in the future.

How to tame a brat

Brat tamers typically tame their brats by setting and reinforcing clear expectations and boundaries for behavior. They may guide their brats toward the correct behaviors and dissuade them from acting out. Brat tamers often punish brats for bad behavior while giving them praise and rewards for good behavior.

Brat tamers use a variety of tactics to tame their brats. Many allow their brats to curb their behavior before punishing them. For example, they might ask if the brat is sure they want to act or speak in a bratty way.

If the brat continues being bratty, the brat tamer may become a firmer authority figure. They may verbally discipline their brat and, if this doesn’t work, resort to punishments like spanking or giving them a time-out. Spanking is often known as a funishment or play punishment, because brats often take pleasure from it, so brat tamers may use it for minor indiscretions like failing to ask permission before acting.

While brat tamers may punish their brats, they usually only do this to make them better, much like a parent punishes a child. Brats should know that their tamer will never punish them needlessly and that their tamer has created a safe, supportive play space for them. Good brat tamers tend to their brat’s needs with aftercare after scenes, especially those involving punishments, to ensure they feel safe and supported.

Miss Mackenzee, a BDSM and sexuality educator with a live-in submissive “who can be a bit of a brat at times,” told Kinkly that good brat tamers customize their taming strategies.

“Every brat-tamer relationship is going to be different, just like every other power exchange relationship, which means that how a brat tamer chooses to tame their brat should be tailored to the dynamic with regards to boundaries, wants, needs, etc. Also, one should factor in the goal that they are hoping to achieve. If someone wants actual behavior modification and for certain actions to stop, then there may be stricter or more harsh punishments which could look like no playtime or more serious consequences. I’ve seen brat tamers have their brat write repeated lines if they’ve crossed a line. There’s so many different ways to ‘tame’ a brat but what works for one may not work for another and that’s why kink isn’t a one-size-fits-all. Explore different ways to keep your brat in line. Keep what works, toss what doesn’t!”

Qualities of a good brat tamer

Being a good brat tamer can be challenging, as brats can be more demanding and confrontational than most submissives. These qualities can help a brat tamer get the best from their brat:

  • Patience: Brats can deliberately try to anger or annoy their brat tamers, but good brat tamers can keep their cool to avoid escalating negative behavior.
  • Understanding: They understand their role, their brat’s tendency for bratty behavior, and motivations for this behavior, such as a desire for attention or insecurity, and use their understanding to customize their taming strategies.
  • Firmness: This quality helps brat tamers retain the upper hand over a feisty brat.
  • Consistency: Brats should know how their brat tamer will respond to certain behavior, what they can get away with and what they can’t, as this helps them understand what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t.
  • Communication skills: Brat tamers must be able to clearly explain the boundaries and standards of behavior their brat should follow.
  • Willingness to listen: Brat tamers should give their brats space to express themselves to foster trust and understanding.
  • Creativity: This quality helps brat tamers vary their rewards and punishments to get the best from their brats.

The power dynamic between a brat and brat tamer

The power dynamic between a brat and brat tamer isn’t as straightforward as a traditional Dom/sub relationship. At times it may seem like the brat is dominant, if they actively disobey the brat tamer or question their authority. While brats may try to manipulate or control their tamer, a good brat tamer never lets the brat top from the bottom. Creating clear guidelines for behavior and ensuring a brat gets punished if they go past the limits ensures the brat tamer stays dominant and the brat stays submissive.

While the brat tamer takes on an authority role, like any good BDSM relationship this power dynamic is built on consent and negotiation. Both parties should understand and enthusiastically consent to their roles before play. If either party feels uncomfortable with their role or any element of play they can negotiate it.

The brat and brat tamer may work together to establish boundaries and discuss what they expect from their scenes together. During this discussion, they should also talk about any hard and soft limits they have. Establishing a safe word and signal during these preliminary discussions can also empower the brat and brat tamer and help them stop any play that pushes past their limits.

After establishing boundaries, the brat tamer can use discipline to discourage behavior outside the boundaries and positive reinforcement, such as praise and rewards, to encourage good behavior. While brat tamers may punish their brat for serious transgressions, this is usually a last resort. Constructive criticism, which clearly communicates how brats could behave better, is more common. When brat tamers issue punishments, they aren’t meant to humiliate or demean their brat.

Communication is a key element of successful brat taming, from giving and receiving consent and establishing boundaries to helping a brat operate within those boundaries. It’s an ongoing process that helps the brat and their tamer enjoy a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.

“Communication is essential to any power exchange relationship,” Miss Mackenzee added. “It requires great emotional honesty and vulnerability from all parties with a mutual respect for each other. Having open communication without consequences can be beneficial. Try putting roles aside for a specified amount of time to ensure informed consent is not influenced by the power imbalance nature of the relationship.” 

Benefits of a healthy brat-tamer relationship

Ensuring the relationship between a brat and brat tamer remains healthy benefits both parties. A healthy dynamic increases intimacy and trust between the brat and their tamer. Ongoing conversations about consent, boundaries, expectations, desires, and scenes improve both the tamer and brat’s communication and negotiation skills.

“I believe one of the greatest benefits of a healthy brat-tamer relationship is that expectations are clearly laid out,” Miss Mackenzee added. “There are consequences to actions and everyone knows what they are upfront due to all the communication that goes into negotiating any BDSM dynamic. It’s also a really cool way to explore power exchange without identifying as a submissive. I know a lot of happy switches that find themselves in these types of dynamics and it’s where they have grown the most.”

While the brat tamer encourages their brat to reflect and grow, they can also experience personal growth and gain more self-awareness through a healthy brat-tamer relationship. For example, a brat may point out their brat tamer’s flaws and make them aware of areas they should work on to be a better partner. Through these efforts, they can grow as a partner and a person.

“In every dynamic, regardless if kink is involved or not, both partners should be helping each other to grow and become more self-aware and learn about themselves,” Miss Mackenzee confirmed. “One way that a brat can help their tamer evolve is building their patience and tolerance, especially in the training stages of a relationship.”

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