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Ruined orgasms are orgasms that are purposely halted as part of tease and denial play. A partner is stimulated through various sexual acts to the very brink of climax until stimulation is abruptly ceased.
In some instances, the orgasm does not happen at all, and whether or not more stimulation occurs depends on the scene or relationship dynamics. In other circumstances, the orgasm does happen, but it is perceived to be less intense and satisfying. The result is meant to be frustration at the sudden end to pleasure. In fact, as part of tease and denial play, it will actually heighten the sexual experience.
Ruined orgasms are generally associated with dominance/submission play, and can be a fetish for those who fall on either side of the sexual control coin. Most depictions of ruined orgasms are in female domination/male submission situations—femdom—but any relationship configuration can enjoy this play.
For people with penises, a ruined orgasm can still result in ejaculation, but with lesser feelings of orgasmic ecstasy. However, because much of the pleasure for all parties involved, is psychological, the feelings in the body can be considered secondary.
You may hear the term ruined orgasm referring to instances of sexual pleasure being wrecked accidentally. This is bound to happen on occasion. However, if your partner talks of being into ruined orgasm, it most likely means they would like to try orgasm control as either the top or bottom. And when it comes to ruined orgasm, it is very important that all partners are on the same page!
Consent to participate in a ruined orgasm scene is imperative. Orgasm can be very intimate and meaningful to people, and to have one ruined by surprise, on purpose, can be confusing. Discuss your interests clearly before you enjoy this type of scene.
Actually navigating a successful ruined orgasm scene may not be as easy as it sounds. There are plenty of ways to bring a person to orgasm, but to successfully stop them from reaching that peak without going over might take some practice.
In your talk beforehand, the bottom should discuss safe words or physical signals that will indicate they’re close to coming. This will help the top be ready to stop or subvert the pleasure at the perfect time. Stop too soon and it might just feel like edging...stop too late and the bottom might actually experience a full orgasm.
There are various ways the dominant can ruin their partner’s orgasm. The main technique is to cease stimulation abruptly or slow down significantly. By pulling their hand, mouth, toy or body away, the submissive will be left there, hung out to dry.
If it fits into the dom/sub dynamic, the dom can also slap or punish their partner’s genitals or squeeze to an agreed-upon level of discomfort. Some folks may also want to add verbal humiliation or degradation at the moment of stopping to further heighten the ruining mood.
After the scene has concluded, it is a good idea to engage in thoughtful aftercare and check to ensure everyone’s expectations were met or if there is room for improvement.
If you're just tipping your toe into the world of BDSM, you may be unsure where to even start when it comes to planning out a scene.
We made this quiz to provide you with your next, or first, BDSM scene based on your own tastes and desires!