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Ruined Orgasms

Updated: AUGUST 29, 2022
Reviewed by Kinkly Staff
on August 14, 2022

Ruined orgasms are orgasms that are purposely halted as part of tease and denial play. In a ruined orgasm, the person typically still has an orgasm - but stimulation is ceased right at the point of no return, so the orgasm feels extremely lackluster. They may also be prevented from orgasming at all. This type of play is typically a part of BDSM scenes where the submissive is denied the orgasm as a form of power play. This differs from edging where the goal is to reduce stimulation multiple times in an effort to produce a more powerful orgasm.

Ruined orgasms can also occur unintentionally when a person becomes distracted or distrupted prior to climax - even during masturbation.

Ruined orgasms can be a fetish for those who fall on either side of the sexual control coin. Dominants might enjoy controlling when, whether, and how a submissive gets to orgasm, while submissives tend to enjoy ceding that control to their dominant. Most depictions of ruined orgasms in pornography are in female domination/male submission situations - femdom - but any relationship configuration can enjoy this play.

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Ruined orgasm is a common theme in pornography. Typically, this type of pornography depicts a penis-owner being denied pleasure by their female-presenting partner. The focus in these scenes tends to be on the dominant's control over their partner as well as the controlled person's intense desire for pleasure.

For those who ejaculate, a ruined orgasm can still result in ejaculation but with lesser feelings of orgasmic ecstasy. Depending on the intensity of the ruined orgasm, intense feelings of frustration and pent-up energy can occur - even if the ruined orgasm was desired only moment's ago.

Since much of the pleasure of ruined orgasms is psychological, the feelings in the body can be secondary.

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More About Ruined Orgasms

As with all BDSM play, when it comes to ruined orgasm, it is imperative that all partners are on the same page!

Consent to participate in a ruined orgasm scene is imperative. Orgasm can be very intimate and meaningful to people, and to have one ruined by surprise, on purpose, can be confusing. Especially for people who have difficulty achieving orgasm in the first place, a ruined orgasm would be an extremely unwelcome surprise. Discuss your interests clearly before you enjoy this type of scene.

Navigating a successful ruined orgasm scene may not be as easy as it sounds. There are many ways to bring a person to orgasm, but to successfully stop them from reaching that peak without going over might take some practice.

Before play begins, the bottom should discuss safewords or physical signals that will indicate they’re close to coming. This will help the top be ready to stop or subvert the pleasure at the perfect time. Partners can also get to know each other well enough to become in tune with the right moment to withdraw stimulation. For those looking for a straightforward approach, the top can also require the bottom to verbally announce when they're close to orgasm.

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Once the person is at the brink of orgasm, there are various ways the controlling partner can ruin their partner’s orgasm. The primary technique is to cease stimulation abruptly or slow down significantly. By pulling their hand, mouth, sex toy, or body away, the recipient will be left there, hung out to dry. Overstimulation, a chastity device or even verbal humiliation can also be employed to ruin an orgasm. If the top has a sadistic streak, pain play can also be used (with prior consent!).

After the scene has concluded, engage in thoughtful aftercare and check to ensure everyone’s expectations were met. As timing a ruined orgasm can be a "learned" skill, this might also be a good opportunity to check-in about the timing - and see how to better ruin that pivotal moment in the future.

You may also hear the term ruined orgasm referring to instances of sexual pleasure being wrecked accidentally. It is bound to happen on occasion. However, if your partner expresses interest in ruined orgasms beyond the comedic relief of a personal experience, it may mean they would like to try other forms of orgasm control as either the top or bottom as well.

Ruined orgasms are, essentially, the opposite of forced orgasms - an activity where the giving partner "forces" the receiving partner to have orgasms - often past the point of pleasurable comfort.

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