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JoEllen Notte

JoEllen is a writer, speaker, researcher and mental health advocate whose work explores the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, mental health, and how none of us are broken on her award-winning site The Redhead Bedhead. JoEllen has led workshops nationwide on sexual communication, navigating consent, having casual sex kindly, and dating as an introvert. She has toured sex shops, spoken at length on dildos, and even started a sex school but she is happiest and most effective when writing and speaking on behalf of quiet people who have sex. Check out her video series on attending conferences as an introvert and her extensive writing on sex and depression. JoEllen has spoken at Clark College, University of Chicago, Woodhull's Sexual Freedom Summit, and the Playground Conference


JoEllen is currently writing her first book: “The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression & The Conversation We Aren’t Having”

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Articles by JoEllen Notte


Woman black friday shopping with laptop in bed Woman black friday shopping with laptop in bed Woman black friday shopping with laptop in bed Woman black friday shopping with laptop in bed


Want to capitalize on all the Black Friday deals and sales on sex toys? Here are tips to help you get something you'll love.

6 Ways to Feel Better about Your Body in Bed 6 Ways to Feel Better about Your Body in Bed 6 Ways to Feel Better about Your Body in Bed 6 Ways to Feel Better about Your Body in Bed


How can we feel sexy when we're feeling down about our bodies? Here are some tips to try.

doggy style sex position with a vibrator doggy style sex position with a vibrator doggy style sex position with a vibrator doggy style sex position with a vibrator


We map out some hot sex positions and recommend the top sex toys to pair with them. Enjoy!

Hotel do not disturb sign Hotel do not disturb sign Hotel do not disturb sign Hotel do not disturb sign


Here are 6 things you can use to make hotel room sex super hot!

6 Signs That Fancy-Ass Vibrator Is Worth the Price 6 Signs That Fancy-Ass Vibrator Is Worth the Price 6 Signs That Fancy-Ass Vibrator Is Worth the Price 6 Signs That Fancy-Ass Vibrator Is Worth the Price


An increasing number of high-end sex toys are promising a spa-like experience for your genitals. So, how can you tell which ones are worth...

5 Things to Know When the (So-Called) Best Sex Toy Doesn't Work for You 5 Things to Know When the (So-Called) Best Sex Toy Doesn't Work for You 5 Things to Know When the (So-Called) Best Sex Toy Doesn't Work for You 5 Things to Know When the (So-Called) Best Sex Toy Doesn't Work for You
5 Ways to Use Butt Plugs to Take Your Sex Life to the Next Level 5 Ways to Use Butt Plugs to Take Your Sex Life to the Next Level 5 Ways to Use Butt Plugs to Take Your Sex Life to the Next Level 5 Ways to Use Butt Plugs to Take Your Sex Life to the Next Level


If you’ve got a butt, adding a plug to your routine can be a fun way to add a little spice, take things to the next level, and explore a...

Woman listening to sexy holiday music Woman listening to sexy holiday music Woman listening to sexy holiday music Woman listening to sexy holiday music


These songs run the gamut from subtly suggestive to downright dirty, so get ready to deck those halls, trim those trees, and get joyful and...

Do not disturb sign on door Do not disturb sign on door Do not disturb sign on door Do not disturb sign on door


The holidays typically brings a bevy of articles exploring whether it's OK to have sex when you're a guest in other people's homes. This...

Go Deep! The 8 Best Sex Positions for Deep Penetration Go Deep! The 8 Best Sex Positions for Deep Penetration Go Deep! The 8 Best Sex Positions for Deep Penetration Go Deep! The 8 Best Sex Positions for Deep Penetration


Looking for a good, old-fashioned, super-intense boning? It's time to go deep! Here are a few top positions to try.

e-stim electro sex toys e-stim electro sex toys e-stim electro sex toys e-stim electro sex toys


Things that were once considered kinky and perverse are starting to be accepted as what they are - fun options for exploring our sexuality....

OhMiBod Lovelife Cuddle G-spot vibrator OhMiBod Lovelife Cuddle G-spot vibrator OhMiBod Lovelife Cuddle G-spot vibrator OhMiBod Lovelife Cuddle G-spot vibrator


This cute G-spot vibe offers power and performance at a lower price point. Check out the full review here.

Multicolored rose petals Multicolored rose petals Multicolored rose petals Multicolored rose petals


Just like any other sex act, masturbation is not everyone's cup of tea. Here's why pushing self-pleasure too hard may not be sex-positive.

The Big Reveal: Meeting Your Partner's Sex Toy The Big Reveal: Meeting Your Partner's Sex Toy The Big Reveal: Meeting Your Partner's Sex Toy The Big Reveal: Meeting Your Partner's Sex Toy


Meeting a partner's sex toy for the first time can be intimidating. Here's how to make the experience exciting, fun and super sexy - for...

Hand Jobs for Grown Ups Hand Jobs for Grown Ups Hand Jobs for Grown Ups Hand Jobs for Grown Ups


Think hand jobs are just for teenagers? Think again. These techniques will show you just how yummy manual sex can be.

Why We Need to Stop Bashing '50 Shades of Grey' Already Why We Need to Stop Bashing '50 Shades of Grey' Already Why We Need to Stop Bashing '50 Shades of Grey' Already Why We Need to Stop Bashing '50 Shades of Grey' Already


50 Shades changed the game of sex. Here's why it is a bad idea to continue to bash the series.

The CUV Region or All You Really Need to Know about Those 'The G-Spot Doesn’t Exist!' Articles The CUV Region or All You Really Need to Know about Those 'The G-Spot Doesn’t Exist!' Articles The CUV Region or All You Really Need to Know about Those 'The G-Spot Doesn’t Exist!' Articles The CUV Region or All You Really Need to Know about Those 'The G-Spot Doesn’t Exist!' Articles


Is the G-spot a thing or not? Kinkly.com untangles the knotted confusion of whether or not the G-spot exists.

6 Signs That You Are Having Great Sex 6 Signs That You Are Having Great Sex 6 Signs That You Are Having Great Sex 6 Signs That You Are Having Great Sex


Are you having great sex? Check out our lascivious list to signs that you are having great sex!

5 Tips For Walking Away From An Emotionally Abusive Relationship 5 Tips For Walking Away From An Emotionally Abusive Relationship 5 Tips For Walking Away From An Emotionally Abusive Relationship 5 Tips For Walking Away From An Emotionally Abusive Relationship


Do you feel trapped in an unhealthy relationship? Follow these five steps and regain your independence.

Review: Playing 'Tetris Sex' With the Liberator Lift, Ramp and Wedge Review: Playing 'Tetris Sex' With the Liberator Lift, Ramp and Wedge Review: Playing 'Tetris Sex' With the Liberator Lift, Ramp and Wedge Review: Playing 'Tetris Sex' With the Liberator Lift, Ramp and Wedge


These unique pieces can be mixed and matched for a whole range of playful, comfortable options.

Make Sure Your Partner Speaks Your Nonmonogamy Language Make Sure Your Partner Speaks Your Nonmonogamy Language Make Sure Your Partner Speaks Your Nonmonogamy Language Make Sure Your Partner Speaks Your Nonmonogamy Language


Polyamory and open relationships can be tricky waters to navigate - here are some questions to ask yourself before you enter the world of...

Antidepressants Have 'Sexual Side Effects.' But What Does That Even Mean? Antidepressants Have 'Sexual Side Effects.' But What Does That Even Mean? Antidepressants Have 'Sexual Side Effects.' But What Does That Even Mean? Antidepressants Have 'Sexual Side Effects.' But What Does That Even Mean?


Antidepressants may elevate your general wellbeing, but they can wreak havoc on your libido. Here's a few side effects that you may...

15 Signs That You're In an Emotionally Abusive Relationship 15 Signs That You're In an Emotionally Abusive Relationship 15 Signs That You're In an Emotionally Abusive Relationship 15 Signs That You're In an Emotionally Abusive Relationship


All abuse is despicable, but emotional abuse can be the hardest to identify or detect. Here are some key characteristics of an abusive...

Hearts and colored dots Hearts and colored dots Hearts and colored dots Hearts and colored dots


From lube to condoms to the importance of pronouns - one sex educator shares 19 tips and tricks for a happier, healthier sex life.

When Your Partner Sleeps With Someone Else - And It Makes You Happy When Your Partner Sleeps With Someone Else - And It Makes You Happy When Your Partner Sleeps With Someone Else - And It Makes You Happy When Your Partner Sleeps With Someone Else - And It Makes You Happy


What's it called when your partner's sexual freedom makes you happy, rather than green with jealousy? Let us introduce you to something...

Review: LELO DEXTRUS Review: LELO DEXTRUS Review: LELO DEXTRUS Review: LELO DEXTRUS


Redhead Bedhead gives a sneak-peek of LELO's latest toy, DEXTRUS.

Hook Ups Without Hang Ups: How to Keep Casual Sex Ethical, Drama-Free, and Fun Hook Ups Without Hang Ups: How to Keep Casual Sex Ethical, Drama-Free, and Fun Hook Ups Without Hang Ups: How to Keep Casual Sex Ethical, Drama-Free, and Fun Hook Ups Without Hang Ups: How to Keep Casual Sex Ethical, Drama-Free, and Fun


Learn how to keep your hook up adventures ethical, drama free, and fun. Check out our must read article on casual sex!

Papilloma Virus Papilloma Virus Papilloma Virus Papilloma Virus


79 million Americans are infected with HPV this very minute. Surprised? Here are some other things you may not know.

The Proof Is In: Women Like Casual Sex Just as Much as Men The Proof Is In: Women Like Casual Sex Just as Much as Men The Proof Is In: Women Like Casual Sex Just as Much as Men The Proof Is In: Women Like Casual Sex Just as Much as Men


It's true! Many women really do like casual sex...and Kinkly has the science to back it up!

Get Off Without Going Broke : A Sex Toy Snob's Top 10 Toys for Under $50 Get Off Without Going Broke : A Sex Toy Snob's Top 10 Toys for Under $50 Get Off Without Going Broke : A Sex Toy Snob's Top 10 Toys for Under $50 Get Off Without Going Broke : A Sex Toy Snob's Top 10 Toys for Under $50


Yes, you can get good, high-quality, body-safe sex toys on a budget. Here are some of the Redhead Bedhead's top budget-friendly picks.

Dear Santa, I Want a Stronic Drei (and a Pony!) Dear Santa, I Want a Stronic Drei (and a Pony!) Dear Santa, I Want a Stronic Drei (and a Pony!) Dear Santa, I Want a Stronic Drei (and a Pony!)


That said, the Fun Factory Stronic Drei is my favorite new toy of the year. I suspect it will end up under the trees of many folks who are...

10 Sexy Ways to Spend Thanksgiving Weekend 10 Sexy Ways to Spend Thanksgiving Weekend 10 Sexy Ways to Spend Thanksgiving Weekend 10 Sexy Ways to Spend Thanksgiving Weekend


Do something sexy this weekend! Seriously. It's way better than hanging around Target. Here are a few fun ideas.

6 Things Your Sex Life Can Give Thanks for This Year 6 Things Your Sex Life Can Give Thanks for This Year 6 Things Your Sex Life Can Give Thanks for This Year 6 Things Your Sex Life Can Give Thanks for This Year


From better access to birth control to better, safer sex play, here are few things that are worth being thankful for.

More Bang for Your Buck: What Makes a Luxury Sex Toy? More Bang for Your Buck: What Makes a Luxury Sex Toy? More Bang for Your Buck: What Makes a Luxury Sex Toy? More Bang for Your Buck: What Makes a Luxury Sex Toy?


Think that $20 vibrator will do you just fine? Here's what you might be missing.

Is Virtual Sex Real Sex? Is Virtual Sex Real Sex? Is Virtual Sex Real Sex? Is Virtual Sex Real Sex?


When we let go of arbitrary definitions, we are left to do some of the defining for ourselves. That means you need to figure out what feels...

It's Not You: 4 Signs Your Partner's Too Depressed to Have Sex It's Not You: 4 Signs Your Partner's Too Depressed to Have Sex It's Not You: 4 Signs Your Partner's Too Depressed to Have Sex It's Not You: 4 Signs Your Partner's Too Depressed to Have Sex


When your partner doesn't want to have sex, it's easy to feel rejected. Here's how to understand the problem - and what to do about it.

Be a Sexy Safer Sex Superhero in 6 Steps Be a Sexy Safer Sex Superhero in 6 Steps Be a Sexy Safer Sex Superhero in 6 Steps Be a Sexy Safer Sex Superhero in 6 Steps


This safer sex tips will help you play safe - without spoiling the fun.

PS: The Female Sex Hotspot You Haven't Heard of ... Yet PS: The Female Sex Hotspot You Haven't Heard of ... Yet PS: The Female Sex Hotspot You Haven't Heard of ... Yet PS: The Female Sex Hotspot You Haven't Heard of ... Yet


Have you ever heard of the perineal sponge? If not, you've come to the right place. Find out what you may be missing.

The Birth Control I Never Thought I'd Use The Birth Control I Never Thought I'd Use The Birth Control I Never Thought I'd Use The Birth Control I Never Thought I'd Use


Female condoms have gotten a bum rap for years. But take it from me: This prophylaxis is way underrated. Here's why I love them.

6 Superstar Oral Sex Positions 6 Superstar Oral Sex Positions 6 Superstar Oral Sex Positions 6 Superstar Oral Sex Positions


Banish mediocre sex! These six positions will help you approach oral from a new - and exciting - angle.

Stop Worrying About Orgasms. Seriously. Stop Worrying About Orgasms. Seriously. Stop Worrying About Orgasms. Seriously. Stop Worrying About Orgasms. Seriously.


When you remove the stress about performing and focus on having fun exploring with your partner, you create a recipe for awesome sex. Find...

What's In Your Sex Toy Kit? It All Depends on Where You Live What's In Your Sex Toy Kit? It All Depends on Where You Live What's In Your Sex Toy Kit? It All Depends on Where You Live What's In Your Sex Toy Kit? It All Depends on Where You Live


If you've done any traveling, you know that the items carried in stores differ everywhere you go. Sex toys are no different. Learn about...

Summer Lovin': 3 Reasons Why We Love Outdoor Sex Summer Lovin': 3 Reasons Why We Love Outdoor Sex Summer Lovin': 3 Reasons Why We Love Outdoor Sex Summer Lovin': 3 Reasons Why We Love Outdoor Sex


Summer might make us feel universally sexy, but some of us just aren't outdoorsy types. Don't worry: You don't have to feel left out. Check...

Bondage With Benefits: What I Learned From BDSM Bondage With Benefits: What I Learned From BDSM Bondage With Benefits: What I Learned From BDSM Bondage With Benefits: What I Learned From BDSM


A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in May concluded that BDSM practitioners may be 'more psychologically healthy' than...

Emergency Contraception: Nothing But the Facts Emergency Contraception: Nothing But the Facts Emergency Contraception: Nothing But the Facts Emergency Contraception: Nothing But the Facts


Emergency contraception often gets a bad rap, but a lot of it stems from misinformation. Get the facts here.

Double the Fun! 5 Hot Tips on Self Touch for Two Double the Fun! 5 Hot Tips on Self Touch for Two Double the Fun! 5 Hot Tips on Self Touch for Two Double the Fun! 5 Hot Tips on Self Touch for Two


Masturbation is not just an alone-time activity. Self-love with a partner is fun, hot and a great learning experience for both of you.

5 Reasons Why Masturbation Is the Greatest 5 Reasons Why Masturbation Is the Greatest 5 Reasons Why Masturbation Is the Greatest 5 Reasons Why Masturbation Is the Greatest


Masturbation is so much better - and so much more - than we're ever told it is. Find out why it's the greatest.

How To Avoid a Toxic Relationship ... With Your Dildo How To Avoid a Toxic Relationship ... With Your Dildo How To Avoid a Toxic Relationship ... With Your Dildo How To Avoid a Toxic Relationship ... With Your Dildo


Do you know what's in your sex toys? Here's a list of the best, safest sex toy materials on the market - and the ones you need to avoid.

Yes! Why Consent Is Totally Sexy Yes! Why Consent Is Totally Sexy Yes! Why Consent Is Totally Sexy Yes! Why Consent Is Totally Sexy


Many people see consent as a cold blanket on their hot, hot action. In reality, it's just the opposite. Check in here to find out what...

Why I'm a Sex Shop Snob (and You Should Be Too) Why I'm a Sex Shop Snob (and You Should Be Too) Why I'm a Sex Shop Snob (and You Should Be Too) Why I'm a Sex Shop Snob (and You Should Be Too)


Think sex shops can't be bright, open and inviting? Think again. There are great sex shops all across the country. Here's how to spot one.

The Long and Short of Buying Your First Dildo The Long and Short of Buying Your First Dildo The Long and Short of Buying Your First Dildo The Long and Short of Buying Your First Dildo


There's so much selection in this aisle of your local sex shop that it can hard to know what to choose. Here's how to find the right fit.

Bloody Hell! Is Period Sex Really a Big Deal? Bloody Hell! Is Period Sex Really a Big Deal? Bloody Hell! Is Period Sex Really a Big Deal? Bloody Hell! Is Period Sex Really a Big Deal?


A woman spends an estimated 3,500 days of her life menstruating. Do you really want to put your sex life on hold for all that time?

woman whispering woman whispering woman whispering woman whispering


Talking dirty can make sex hotter and better than ever. Here's how to do it right.

Q&A by JoEllen Notte


My partner has a huge pubic mound. How can I satisfy her? My partner has a huge pubic mound. How can I satisfy her? My partner has a huge pubic mound. How can I satisfy her? My partner has a huge pubic mound. How can I satisfy her?


First things first: As surely as you can state that you are a normal man with a normal anatomy, I want you to remember that your partner is...

Condom Condom Condom Condom


If you've never encountered a penis with a foreskin, putting a condom on one can seem a bit intimidating. While it's true the process...

My husband loves nipple play. Can you suggest any toys or techniques I can use? My husband loves nipple play. Can you suggest any toys or techniques I can use? My husband loves nipple play. Can you suggest any toys or techniques I can use? My husband loves nipple play. Can you suggest any toys or techniques I can use?


What a fun question! First off, the fact that you have already been engaging in nipple play means that you have a head start on knowing...

I've been using orgasms to deal with severe back pain. It seems to work. Is this OK? I've been using orgasms to deal with severe back pain. It seems to work. Is this OK? I've been using orgasms to deal with severe back pain. It seems to work. Is this OK? I've been using orgasms to deal with severe back pain. It seems to work. Is this OK?


First off, I'm so sorry you're in pain! I have had multiple spinal surgeries myself, and I know how debilitating that kind of pain can be....

I am with a guy who has a sneaker fetish. How can we work this into our play? I am with a guy who has a sneaker fetish. How can we work this into our play? I am with a guy who has a sneaker fetish. How can we work this into our play? I am with a guy who has a sneaker fetish. How can we work this into our play?


The super-fun thing about fetishes that involve everyday items is that your play doesn't have to be limited to the bedroom; you can take it...

Could masturbating from a young age have caused damage to my clitoris? Could masturbating from a young age have caused damage to my clitoris? Could masturbating from a young age have caused damage to my clitoris? Could masturbating from a young age have caused damage to my clitoris?


Hello! I love that you asked this question - I feel like this is something a lot of people wonder about. So, first thing's first: The...


Double dildos can be a bit daunting, especially because they are so frequently referred to as "strapless", implying that they are to be...


What a fun question! There are several ways for you to play with your husband in public and what you choose will depend on what he enjoys....


While the urge or desire to swallow one's own semen may not be something you see in the media or hear much about, it is not wrong, abnormal...


This is a great question! Given that the toy is silicone, you are in luck because that means it's not just washable, it can actually be...


First off, I want to assure you that you don't have to do anything if you are not 100% comfortable with it. Dirty talk isn't everyone's bag...


First of all, take it easy on yourself. As much as it may not feel sexy, farting is a thing that happens. Also, we sometimes forget that...


Yes, it could. There are medications prescribed for depression that have been shown to raise libido in some patients. If you are finding...


Depression can have a huge impact on sexual function. Many people dealing with depression lose interest in sex either due to the symptoms...