Celebrate Bisexuality Day

“Oh, you’re bisexual? So, you’re more likely to cheat.”

“Bi, huh? You’re just being greedy.”

“I’d love to watch you with another girl, maybe even join in.”

Despite all the progress that’s been made in LGBTQIA communities, bisexuality, or the “B” in LGBTQIA, is still widely misunderstood.

In Pew Research Center’s 2013 surveyof LGBT Americans, 40% of respondents said they were bisexual. A few years prior, a 2011 analysis by UCLA’s Williams Institute found that bisexuals accounted for about 1.8% of the total U.S. adult population.

Even with these stats, there still is not a lot of understanding of bisexuality and bisexual people. We may not have widespread visibility, but we do exist, and we are valid.

I’ve been bisexual all of my life, though it wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I had the language to describe my orientation. I’m also kinky and polyamorous – I don’t exactly fit into society’s neat and tidy expectations.

When it comes to dating bisexual women, there are a lot of myths and stereotypes that need busting. A study published in Prevention Science found that people who identify as bi often face discrimination from both the heterosexual and gay and lesbian communities.

Being bi is a little more complicated than Katy Perry’s lesbian anthem, “I Kissed a Girl” would make you believe. That said, it’s never too late to explore who you are and what you want.

In honor of Bisexuality Awareness Month (September) and Bisexuality Day (September 23), I put together a quick list of things you need to know if you want to date someone like me:

My Bisexuality Is Not a Phase

My bisexuality is perfectly valid and deserves to be seen. I’m sure there are plenty of people who use bisexuality as a baby step in coming out. Or, maybe a try-before-you-buy situation while sorting out their sexuality.

That’s OK. As long as you are kind to others in the process, stumble, fall, and go as slow as you want to figure out what works best for you. But for a lot of people, like me, bisexuality is an orientation and calling it a “phase” is harmful.

I’ve liked all the people my entire life; it’s always been a part of my sexual makeup. Nothing has changed, and well into my fourth decade, I’m pretty sure it won’t. Please trust that I know what I want and what’s best for me. And if it doesn’t work for you, no harm, no foul – you can always walk away. (Just don’t ghost me, because that’s the worst.)

Read: Poly Diaries: Unlearning the Need for Labels

I Belong in Queer Spaces

Social gatherings geared toward LGBTQ+ folks are my fav. Give me BurlesKaraoke, a Lesbian and Gay Film Festival, and a glitter and rainbow-filled Pride Parade all day long. But sometimes, I go to these events and feel like that cisgender bisexual woman, who sometimes dates cis men, and I’m not quite queer enough.

I think these feelings of illegitimacy boil down to the fact that bisexuality is pretty much non-existent in the representation of queer communities, so I often feel like a fraud. Say it with me: I am bi enough.

Read: Gender 101: A Guide for the Perplexed

I’m Not Bi for the Attention

There’s a super pervasive representation of bisexuality in pop culture that portrays women showing attraction toward other women to gain the attention of men. These perceptions are harmful.

I get that bisexuals and lesbians are often sexualized in the media for the male gaze, but no penis is going to sway my deep, sweet love of pussy.

This Isn’t an Either-or Dynamic for Me

I can’t count how many times I’ve heard, “Do you see yourself marrying a guy or a girl? If you really had to choose.” This isn't gym class, and I'm not picking teams. Nor is it appropriate to ask which gender I like more to sate your curiosity.