A return to school is on the horizon for many folks out there. Get out those pencils and notebooks...uhh, we mean laptops. It's time to take some notes because we're going back to the basics in this week's Sex Stories We Love by looking at the 5 Ws and an important H: who, what, when, where, why, and how!
Who Are Trans Men?
It is all too easy for any of us to think of people who are different as 'other,' even if our differences are minimal. There is still so much misunderstanding and misinformation - coupled with a fair dose of unwillingness to learn about trans people, particularly when it comes to sex. This reflection by a cis gay man about his own missteps and growth about his personal and sexual experiences with trans men is both cringe-worthy and hopeful. Alexander Cheves highlights his mistakes to help others better understand what being with a trans man is like. Let's give some big props to those men who have done the emotional labour to help Alexander along the way. It takes a lot to be the person who has to help another understand you. These men have helped Alexander and all of us.
What Does Lesbian Sex Film Like?
There is always something lost in translation. And when the data concerned passes through a man's penis...well, you know it isn't going to be interpreted quite right. The male gaze has long been a challenging issue in film, both mainstream and porn, with depictions of queer women's sex rarely depicting the realities of queer women's sex. Really, most sex on screen is pretty fantastical, but when male directors shoot scenes of women having sex, the cinematic results often make queer women shake their heads. Of course, it is impossible for every person to understand the experience of people different than themselves. Yet, I love this idea of hiring subject matter experts as consultants, particularly when it comes to sex.
When Does Sex Need a Boost?
There are many reasons where the term 'mid-life crisis' may be applied. Unsatisfying jobs, challenges with children or teenagers, the general hustle and bustle of everyday life...and, of course, sex. Sex can dramatically change in mid-life. All of this can really get you down. Instead of frequent explosions of endless possibility, you're more likely to experience little trickles of hope for things to get better. However, many of these factors are interlinked. Improving your body care will help your sex life. Improving your sex life just might help you deal with other life situations. So, while it seems like you're running around for other people at this stage in your life, remember to take some time for your own care!
Where Should People Intervene?
Sex shops and private booths have long been a haven for anonymous sex - particularly for queer men. Whether you're looking for a glory hole experience or a quick rendezvous with someone else in one of those tiny rooms, these little spaces have afforded those who cannot express their sexual identity publicly a safe space to enjoy sexual pleasure. For the most part, the businesses hosting these encounters either turn a blind, but knowing, eye or outright encourage these connections. Yet, when community health concerns became too much for one sex shop manager,she quit and filed for unemployment benefits. And she won. This case is interesting as it demonstrates a sex positive individual trying to keep the patrons of her store and members of her community safe. Or....does it tell the tale of someone who is attempting to regulate the sex lives of adults who she feels aren't understanding enough to educate and prepare themselves properly for anonymous sex?
Why Does the Tube Replace Boobs?
A lot of research time is spent on why (and why not) people are (or aren't) having sex...and this is good! For far too long, we were kept in the dark about the general sex habits of the human animal. This lack of understanding confused the fuck out of countless people for centuries. So, now we're learning, and with that might come some hard truths. A recent study suggests that television is getting in the way of our sex lives. I mean, the numbers game here just makes sense: watch more TV, likely have less sex. Yet, the findings suggest disassociation from others because of television is more of a concern. Do you think watching your favourite shows gets in the way of your sex life? Would you change that?
How Do We Aftercare?
Finally, how we take care of our partners and ourselves after sex is very important. What you do after sex, regardless of who you are, can truly make or break the experience.