Anal Stimulation: Five Wonderful Ways You Can Work It

Let's talk about anal stimulation.

I love anal sex. Whether it's with a finger, sex toy, penis, or strap-on, my (back) door is always open—with consent, of course, and plenty of lube. I get that anal sex isn't for everyone. A lot of people have a less-than-stellar first-time experience, usually due to a lack of lube and/or an overzealous lover. And then there's the ick factor. Sure, anal sex can be messy, but there are ways to mitigate it by douching beforehand and using a towel or a throw designed to soak up lube and liquid.

The anus, the external opening of the rectum, is rich in nerve endings. Anal, rectal, and perineal stimulation will affect the genitals, no matter the gender.

Read: First Time at Anal Sex? Here's the Ultimate Guide

Here are five wonderful ways you can stimulate the anus.

1. Fingering

Anal fingering is exactly what it sounds like—sticking a finger (or fingers) into the anus for all sorts of feel-good pleasure. No matter your gender, every asshole has an abundance of nerve endings at the entry and inside. And if you have a penis, you're in for an extra special treat, since you have a prostate that can benefit from digital stimulation.

"Lots of folks dive right into penetration when using fingers in someone's anus, but it is good to remember that there are a lot of nerve endings on the outside, as well," reminds Searah Deysach, a longtime sex educator and owner of Early to Bed.

To get started, Dr. Jill McDevitt, Resident Sexologist for CalExotics, suggests using a lubed up finger with clipped nails or a finger cot (which is like a finger condom) to glide back and forth and around the anal opening.

"Tease your partner by putting a little pressure on the opening but then continue to stroke the outside for a bit," says Deysach. "When they are good and ready, you can insert your finger, checking in with your partner to make sure this feels good for them (and remember you can never use too much lube)."

Once inside, McDevitt advises pulsing your finger in an in and out, or up and down motion.

If your partner has a prostate, Deysach suggests making a come-hither motion with your finger so that you are stroking towards the front of their body. "This gives you a chance to put pressure on their prostate which many people find amazing," she says.

Read: The 5 Myths of Prostate Massage

2. Analingus (or Rimming)

Analingus, or rimming as it's more commonly known, is the act of orally pleasuring the anus. This can involve licking, sucking, kissing, or any other act that orally stimulates the anus.

If you want to eat ass, McDevitt suggests spreading the cheeks, and/or finding a position that naturally spreads the cheeks (like the receiving partner in doggie with their forehead to the bed), for easier access. Next, alternate different tongue movements like swirling your tongue, wiggling it, and flicking.

McDevitt encourages butt lovers to use their whole mouth. "Ungulate your lips and vibrate your mouth with a 'blowing raspberries' type sensation," she says.

Deysach reminds when rimming, it is a good idea to use a dental dam so that you are making sure you are not transmitting STIs. "Lube up the dam on the receiver's side and maybe put a drop of flavored lube or honey on the licker's side for some motivating flavor," she suggests. "Again, I always like to start with more of a tease, using lighter strokes over a bigger area before making the strokes more intense or using your tongue to slip inside."

Read: Tossing That Salad: The Ins and Outs of Rimming

3. Penetrative Anal Sex

A lot of people equate anal sex with a penis entering the anus, but there's a big wide world of anal pleasure out there that doesn't require external genitalia. "Penetrative anal sex can take many forms—from fingers to penises, to toys or even whole fists," says Deysach.

If you're thinking about exploring anal play with a sex toy, Kayla Lords, sexpert for Jack and Jill Adult, advises always to start smaller than you think you can handle. For beginners, I like small, smooth butt plugs in simple shapes. Deysach iterates to use plenty of lube, go slow, and make sure you are checking in with your partner frequently. Water-based lube is best for sex toys. Otherwise, I prefer silicone lube, especially since the rectum doesn't self-lubricate for friction.

Anal play should not hurt, and if it does, you need to slow down or stop. (Friendly reminder: It's OK to say "no," aka, withdraw your consent at any time—you don't have to have a reason.)