"Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." - George Bernard Shaw
So much of the change we're seeing when it comes to sex comes from changing attitudes in the sex community that then filter out into the greater community. Of course, all change requires open minds from all around. This requires a lot of maintained forward momentum that can be challenging at times But we can change anything. This week's Sex Stories We Love is about change - and the challenges that come with it.
Protection From the Storm
If there is one group that knows about change it is the LGBTQQICAPF2K+ community. Did you notice something new there? A new letter has been added to the mix and it has some folks upset. The new group welcomed to the table to enjoy some rainbow alphabet soup are those for whom kink is part of their lives. This has caused some controversy, though. Some people are just getting annoyed at the ever-expanding acronym. Whatever. The more nuanced argument is that kink is not inherently non-heterosexual and non-cisgendered, which is the foundation that brought the big acronym together in the first place. However, we do still live in a world where difference is still not accepted. Is it so wrong to give shelter to a group that is also "different" under the rainbow umbrella?
All That Is Red
Valentine's Day is fast approaching. Are you ready with flowers and chocolate? Could you not care less about another day that seems to be just another marketing ploy? Some folks love Valentine's Day. I hope they have a lot of fun with it. It has been instilled in our culture for a long time and can make for a great way to connect in relationships or for some causal fun. If all that is red has you feeling flushed with sexy feelings, try these sex tips for Valentine's Day . If, on the other hand, all that red has you flushed with angry feelings, know that you're not alone. It is a difficult day for some and it can be argued that it is nothing more than a band-aid, one-night solution that can cover up real problems in relationships. There is also a real fear that so much anticipation and expectation leading up to V-Day can lead to sexual disappointment - and possibly even coercion. Whatever your feelings, take a look inside you and make of the day whatever works best.
Maybe It Is Just About Getting Home Faster?
I have often used a specific question to gauge people's overall feelings on sex. Would you rather have a good meal or good sex? Over many years of very informal research, I'd say the results are a 60/40 split in favor of a good meal. However, maybe I need to start asking a new question. It seems people would favor a shorter commute over sex as well. This really isn't surprising (I'm a near life-long commuter), but still disheartening. It is wonderfully fantastical to think we should prioritize sex to the point that it would outdo the challenges that long commutes bring to our lives. That's a tall order. As cities become more unaffordable, more folks are going to be forced to deal with this challenge.
Pictures Can Spell a Thousand Orgasms
Things are changing in the sex toy industry. It has taken a long time and the steps are fairly incremental, but there is some movement. One way in which the industry is moving forward is that there is at least some thought out there about making sex toys for larger-bodied people and people with disabilities. Frankly, many current models on the market just don't work for folks who don't fit the slim, able-bodied profile. Yet, as noted, there is some forward motion with Epi24 marketing their Womanizer Plus (+), a new version of the toy that took the world by storm thanks to a longer handle and differently positioned controls. However, as Dangerous Lilly notes, while this toy might be a game-changer for folks who've been forgotten by sex toy creators, the initial marketing for the product still features, predominantly, slender, able-bodied models. Part of making sex toys accessible means presenting them as inclusive. You can't have one without the other.
Sex Writers Regaled
One of the best changes that's happened for us all is that we can actually talk about sex now. Well, some people can talk about sex. It still takes a really brave person to be vocal and open about their sex, sexuality and gender. Kudos to the sex writers, bloggers, and reviewers out there who have taken that step to bring sex into the public forum. It isn't easy to do on the macro and it can be really changing on the micro. Having your parents, your peers, and anyone close to you know all about your sex life is a challenge. Yet, there is a reason these folks do what they do: to help, to educate, and to continue to open more doors for those who cannot find a place to share their voice. Sex talk is still oppressed for so many. We'll change that...in time.
The In and Out Is All About
Finally, this lovely set of portraits depicting people in and out of their sexual personas demonstrates just how mutable our sex lives can be. Except these folks aren't changing themselves, just their look. What they are inside is what matters and getting to express that is critical to happiness.