Is tantric sex really better? How can I find out the basics?

Dr. Shannon Chavez
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Dr. Shannon Chavez is a licensed clinical psychologist and sex therapist with an expertise in female sexual health. She works with women and couples of all ages and backgrounds helping guide them from sexual concerns to sexual empowerment. She currently has a private practice in Beverly Hills, California, and uses a mind-body approach to sexual health wellness and a treatment approach that integrates both physical and psychological needs.

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Q:
    Is tantric sex really better? How can I find out the basics?
    A:

    Tantric sex is a great way to explore erotic expression and discover pleasure in all aspects of life, not only sexual expression. Sometimes, we think of sex as purely physical involving genitals and the focus being intercourse. The teachings of tantra explore enhancing pleasure and creating an environment where couples can deepen their sexual experiences by understanding the roles of energy exchange and spirituality as a path to connection and intimacy. It is a great way for couples to renew passion and take their sexual play to a deeper, more rewarding level. It's about building a new practice of pleasure by focusing on techniques that create enlightenment and expand how we view sexuality.

    Here are the basics:

    1. Eye contact. Have you ever heard that the eyes are the windows to the soul? Tantra teaches that you can communicate and create a connection without saying a word. Look into your partner's eyes and lose yourself in a deep, erotic gaze. Send a message through your eyes and receive your partner's message as you activate your limbic system. The limbic system is the emotional center of the brain. Eye gazing stimulates our limbic system and creates a deep emotional connection that can bring couples closer and promote bonding.

    2. Breathing. Tantra teaches you to breathe in a conscious way. We often hold our breath when we are sexually excited and that can build up tension or restraint. Learn to breathe deeply and let go. Learn to regulate your body and move around the energy that you need to enhance pleasure.

    3. Be sensual. Sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste are all components of pleasure. Our senses are forms of communication that can open up new forms of sexual expression and exploration. Learning the art of touch can break down goal-oriented sex and bring desire and passion back into a relationship.

    4. Relax. We hold a lot of tension in our bodies without realizing it. Tantra teaches us to be aware of our tension and to let it go. Tension can cause energy in our body to be blocked and inhibit our ability to receive pleasure. Relaxation is about being in the moment, letting go of the outcome, and focusing on sensations in the moment.

    5. Practice mindfulness. Be aware, pay attention, and let go of the outcome. By focusing on mindfulness you become more aware of what you are experiencing in your body and also be more attuned to your partner's body. Know where your attention is and how it affects your energy. We can use mindfulness to move and build energy during sex. This is a powerful technique in Tantric practice!

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