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Do people in D/ relationships ever just have sex?

Molly Moore
Profile Picture of Molly Moore Molly Moore is a writer, blogger, photographer and public speaker and whilst juggling all this she is also a mother and wife. She lives in the U.K. with her husband, whom she had especially imported from the United States, in a full time D/s relationship. She is the writer of the award winning sex blog Molly's Daily Kiss.  Full Bio
Q:Do people in D/s relationships ever just have sex or is there always kinky play involved?
A: As with all relationships, no two D/s relationships are exactly the same. So, to make a sweeping statement either way would be wrong. However, as a general rule I think this is a question that comes from a common misconception about kink relationships. That misconception is that people in BDSM relationships can only get off when kink play is involved. Another common misconception is that sex in D/s relationships is always instigated by the Dom(me) and the sub takes a passive role.

For most of the D/s couples I know, this couldn't be further from the truth. D/s couples often have a heightened power exchange element to their sex lives which is often always present within their interactions. That doesn't mean that sometimes they don't indulge in 'lights out missionary sex' just like everyone else. In fact, 'lights out missionary sex' is seriously hot when someone is whispering dirty words into your ear. I know I am a big fan.

For couples like us that live a 24/7 D/s dynamic, it is just part of our lives together. Sometimes that means we indulge in kink play. Sometimes we can be found snuggled up on the sofa, eating pizza, and watching sappy movies. D/s is not an "either or" thing. It is far more subtle than that.

Think of it this way: if a couple loves doggie position, does that mean whenever they have sex the only thing they ever do is fuck in doggie position? I very much doubt it and exactly the same is true of kink. Yes, we love kinky play but just like pizza, if you ate it for every single meal you would soon get tired of it. Sometimes he will spank me. Sometimes we will just go to bed and fuck because fucking is what we both want or need in that moment. The only rules to having a D/s relationship are the ones you agree on with your partner(s)

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