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How do you negotiate an MFM threesome?

Molly Moore
Profile Picture of Molly Moore Molly Moore is a writer, blogger, photographer and public speaker and whilst juggling all this she is also a mother and wife. She lives in the U.K. with her husband, whom she had especially imported from the United States, in a full time D/s relationship. She is the writer of the award winning sex blog Molly's Daily Kiss.  Full Bio
Q:My partner and I both like the idea of having a threesome with another guy, and a few days ago we found a possible candidate. We're excited, but unclear about how to proceed. What's the best way to arrange this type of thing? We would like to make our boundaries clear to this person before we get together but at the same time we don't want to lose the thrill of the unknown. What suggestions do you have to help make this satisfying for everyone involved?
A: What a great question. I often come across advice columnists who warn against threesomes, stating that the reality rarely stacks up against the fantasy - a response that always disappoints me. I have been lucky enough to experience both MFM and FMF threesomes and they have all been amazingly hot experiences that I would happily repeat - with the right people, of course. That is the key to a good threesome - finding the right person to join you...and the key to that is, unsurprisingly, communication.

The fact that both you and your partner are up for this means that you have pretty much already got over the first hurdle, which is getting your partner on board with the idea. However, before you move on I would recommend you spend a bit of time talking with your partner about what exactly turns you on about the idea of a threesome, so that you have an understanding of one another's expectations. For example, it might be the idea of telling two men what to do that turns you on. Or maybe it's the opposite, and you like the idea of being dominated or commanded by two men. It's very important to ask yourself what makes the idea of the threesome hot, not only to build understanding between you and your partner, but to help you find the right person to be your third. There is no point in finding someone who's very dominating if in fact what turns you on is having two men submit to you.

I totally get that you don't want to lose the exciting thrill of the unknown (after all, there is something very decadent about having two men bring you sexy satisfaction - and not knowing what they'll do next) but I also don't think that going in totally blind, so to speak, is a good idea.

At the very least I would advise you and your partner to meet up with your potential third at least once beforehand. Think of it as a date. Go for a drink or a coffee and just spend a bit of time getting to know one another without specifically addressing the threesome. That way you can make sure that you are attracted to this man (and of course, that he's attracted to the two of you). It would be a real bummer to turn up in some hotel room and find yourself presented with a bloke who just doesn't do it for you.

Where you go from there is really up to you. Clearly, it is vital for all three of you to be open about your boundaries. Remember this man will also likely have things that he is comfortable doing and others that he is not, and it's important to respect his expectations as well. Perhaps the three of you could be involved in some sort of group email where information like this is shared. After that, if you want to step back and let your partner take control of planning the fine details of the actual event (so that it will be a surprise for you), then go for it!

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