I can't make my partner orgasm during sex. Is it because my penis is too small?

Kristen Mark
Profile Picture of Kristen Mark Dr. Kristen Mark is a behavioral health scientist with an academic background in psychology and public health and a research interest in sexuality and romantic relationships. She is currently an Assistant Professor and Director of the Sexual Health Promotion Lab at University of Kentucky in the Department of Kinesiology & Health Promotion within the College of Education. She is also Affiliate Faculty at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction at Indiana University.


Kristen is the survey director at Good In Bed. As a blogger, her work as appeared on Huffington Post, Kinsey Confidential and Psychology Today.

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Q:

I've never managed to make my partner orgasm when we have sex. I think it's because I have an unusually small penis and it isn't doing its job. My partner says she doesn't mind, but I still want her to feel good. Any tips?

A:

Sex is about more than the penis and certainly more than penis size. In fact, research has suggested that men care a lot more about penis size than women! Only about 1/3 of women are able to consistently orgasm with penetration alone. Have you tried stimulating the clitoris during sexual activity? Or having her stimulate herself while you’re inside of her?

Also, try to make foreplay last a little longer than usual and see if that helps. Engaging in some playful teasing for a while prior to penetration can build up arousal and desire making it much more likely that sex will culminate with an orgasm. However, I do want to note that making sex orgasm-centric isn’t going to help. Try not to focus on orgasm because sex can be really satisfying, with or without orgasm. Consider the orgasm just the cherry on top of an already delightful sundae.

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