Sex Stories We Love: Ejaculations for Everyone, Sexy Earworms, and a Peck of Pretty Peckers

One of the great things about sex stories is that they truly run the gamut. Funny, sexy, inspiring, and weird...it is all out there for us to enjoy, wonder about, and learn from.

Ejaculations for Everyone!

I always loved the story that chewing gum was supposed to be some kind of airplane glue. Sometimes products are created for one purpose but end up filling the needs of others. The fact the Semenette was developed to make the process of intrauterine insemination a more personal, intimate experience is great. The medical reality of the procedure is real, but the sterile and cold environment is unpleasant for many people. And the cost! So, when Stephanie Berman created an ejaculating dildo to make the fertilization process more “user-friendly,” she also gave a gift to other users who, not surprisingly, found the sexual side of her invention. It isn’t surprising that an ejaculating dildo would be deemed a sexual toy. However, it is great to read that it is being used by a wide variety of people to fulfill their desires of ejaculation, including trans men, those with erectile dysfunction, folks with disabilities, and people living with HIV. A revolutionary product!

Warning - Sexy Earworm!

I am going to use the phrase sorry/not sorry for the first time here because I freakin’ love The Muppets. And if you do to (or not), then you are no doubt familiar with their iconic Mahna Mahna song.

What could make The Muppets even better? Finding out Jim Henson lifted the tune from a 1960s era documentary that focuses, primarily, on sex in Sweden! These days, it isn’t at all uncommon to find unabashed adult references in kids' movies. Hell, when my children were growing up I was completely grateful for these little asides to pass the time. So, maybe The Muppets were ahead of the time. Thinking back, there always was a fair bit of sexual content to the show with Miss Piggy always running around trying to fool around with Kermit. And now we know one of the possible inspirations.

Let 'Em Rip

This is my choice for an article that encapsulates the true struggle of sex and relationships: what to do about queefs and farts. Seriously! Everybody wonders this. Everybody struggles with the cramps and pain of stifling little poots in the infatuation stage only to move on to having no problem with loud morning rips after a couple years. Okay, maybe not everyone, but I just assume most do. If you’re human, you fart. It isn’t about body positivity. It is about realizing our bodies work in certain ways. To deny that functionality is just ridiculous. If you fart in front of someone and they object, that’s a sure sign to get outta there. Really! And queefing? Courtney Brunson really has it right: no guy cares. At all. It might even make the mood a little lighter. I’m not minimizing the feelings experienced by the queefer, but just trying to reassure all.

Pick a Pack of Pretty Peckers

I usually look at stories involving studies of what the perfect boobs/vagina/butt/legs/shoulder blade should look like with general amusement. This study caught my eye because it is research into penis appearance to help others. So much of our self-esteem is tied to our sexuality that having irregular looking genitals can be genuinely difficult to deal with. So, in trying to help men with hypospadias, where the urethral opening is not in the usual spot at the tip of the dick, researchers created a survey asking women what they want to look at as a penis. The results are intriguing and go against the grain of commonly held beliefs of the bigger, the better. Of course, I have to wonder what would happen if the participants reversed positions. What would men say make the ideal vulva? Breasts? Ass? Ugh...okay, I don’t think we’re ready for that.

A Pizza Guy, a Plumber, and a Nun Walk Into a Bar

You know those warnings that come on TV, those ones that tell you not to try this at home? I remember seeing one for a magic trick on one of those talent shows. I know I’ve seen them in sports shows. Why haven't they been adopted for porn? Could this little disclaimer stop people from emulating the more unrealistic scenes they see, the acrobatic and ridiculous moves and positions? Or, perhaps, even the story lines? We usually look at the actual sex in porn as being something to not emulate...but have people started living out the fantastical fiction of blue movies too? Actually, it seems we have been all along. Like all entertainment, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, and really, we can’t make this shit up.