Window Undressing

Sex with the windows open can be hot. F**king near those open windows can turn the temperature up even more. But having an extramarital affair in your office, at night, with the lights on while a gaggle of pub patrons ogles from afar? Well, that’ll get you into hot water. Especially in this age where people can take photos and spread them across the Internet in the faster than lighting a match. It could be argued that no one has the right to take and transmit those photos of the two insurance company colleagues. At the same time, it could be said that both should have known the liabilities of this particular deductible.

Ain't No Party Like a Prison Break Party

Let’s say you’re a prison guard. Late one night, three attractive women arrive at your jail hoping to party a little. They’ve got booze and they’re dressed in lingerie. Cheeky sexy prison guard lingerie no less! Here you are thinking "This seems entirely plausible and awesome; come on in!" The next thing you remember is being woken up by the day shift, naked, and 28 inmates short. Don’t worry. You can blame your co-worker. Or your other co-worker. You know, since all three of you agreed that it was a good idea to let three women with cheap whisky into a prison in the middle of the night because it seemed like they wanted to have sex with you. This story is truly film-worthy. It would make a great caper flick. Best part of all? The guards who were duped were charged in the getaway!

Vacillating on Vaccines

I really think there was a more sinister hope behind people outraged at the thought of teenagers becoming more sexually actively after receiving the HPV vaccine. The worry, which has been entirely disproven, was that giving teens this vaccine would lead to increased and risky sexual activity. A recent study says 'nope.' However, my theory is that some were hoping it be proven that teenagers would become hypersexual after taking the vaccine. Then, it would be taken off of the market as an HPV prevention. It could then be repurposed as the holy grail of pharmacology: female libido enhancer. People have tried to boost women’s sex drive for years. If that magic formula is ever found, it would be ridiculously valuable. Instead, we have to settle for a very useful vaccine to help prevent cervical cancer.

The Number 1 Rule is We DO Talk About Sex

Communication is the key to good sex. Did you get that? Have you heard this enough? I’m not convinced we have heard it enough, but I must share another component of great sex: humor. Especially humor that educates at the same time. This list of the Unspoken Rules of Sex deftly blends the laughs and the learning. Simple, straightforward statements like "Don’t blow into the vagina" and "Cut/file your nails before fingering" are offset by silly, slapstick such as "When switching from any position to doggy style, do not yell 'BEAST MODE’" and "The difference between 'fetish' and 'felony' is checking beforehand." Sure, you might break out into giggles at some of these, but you just might also learn some things about your partner(s).

Fifty Shades of Raw and Exhausted

The fact that we shouldn’t try to emulate Fifty Shades of Grey is, at this point, a fairly well-known point. Some will argue it is fantasy. Some will argue it is glorifying abusive relationships. Some say it lacks consent. Some say "don’t yuck my yum" or YKINMKBYKIOK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Ok). What nobody should say is "I’m going to have all of the sex that is in that book in one weekend!" That said, wild ambition can make for great journalism and we have to thank Krista McHarden (and her partner) for truly taking one for the global team here. The two actually engaged in all of the sex depicted in the book in one weekend. While it seemed a challenge at times, McHarden came out of it alive and with lots of orgasms too boot. So, maybe we can all just delete the story from the books and concentrate on the sex parts?

Josiah and the Giant Testicle

Finally, can we all just repeat the following mantra: "If parts of me swell to an unusually large size, I will go to the doctor."

Yes, there are cultural values attached to sex including stigmatizing forces that can make a young man hide his pear-sized testicle for two years. Yes, these forces can result in tremendous shaming and a distinct lack of education. However, if your ball or tit or lip or ass or any other part of you that doesn’t even need to be related to sex puffs out in an entirely irregular way, please consider a medical intervention for your condition. Josiah wasn’t in danger, but others who actually are do more harm to themselves because of what they’ve been taught. It could become critical to be more critical.