As a final hurrah, we put together a few thoughts from a couple of our partners in self pleasure, the Pleasure Coach, Hercules Liotard, and Jenne over at Clitical.com. Here are a few of their thoughts - along with what we’ve learned at Kinkly - about the benefits of engaging in a little ménage a moi.
GREAT Sex Starts HereMost of you don't have to say it out loud. It’s written all over the huge demand for sex books, articles, pills, potions and toys: You want earth shaking, leg quivering, give-me-more-right-now sex lives. Good for ya’ll. So maybe you already know that masturbating is a big part of that. Or maybe not. So we'll say it one final time: Masturbation is the key to better sex.
"I like to think of masturbation as the foundation of good sex. Think about it: If you don't know what turns you on, how do you expect a partner to have all the answers?" Jenne told us. "If you already know that you have a sensitive clitoris that prefers to be stroked from the left side rather than the right, you can easily convey this to a partner, who can in turn use that knowledge to better please you."
Ladies, you can discover more ways to learn about your body in Get It On: Solo Sex Tips for Women.
Yes, Even for You, GuysA lot of Masturbation Month seems to be focused around female pleasure. We don’t object to that - it’s something that’s been overlooked for, oh, a few hundred years or so. The problem is that we often assume that men don’t need any advice in that department. Yup. They’ve got that whole dancing 'round the maypole bit covered. Locked down. They've nailed it.
Hours of practice notwithstanding, Hercules says most guys could still stand to learn a thing or two - and pay more attention.
"Men don’t learn to use masturbation as a way to explore their bodies. Usually when a guy masturbates, he just focuses on the genitals. I think men should use masturbation as a way to explore other parts of their bodies and see what they like," Hercules said. "Or even exploring your penis. There’s more to the penis than grabbing it and wanking on it."
And There’s More to It Than the "Big O"The Redhead Bedhead recently wrote that we often think of masturbation as a "frantic, furtive tugging or rubbing to try to get to an orgasm as quickly as possible." There’s nothing wrong with that, per se. The problem is, we tend to miss out on a lot along the way.
"We live in an orgasm-centric world, and that's a shame in my opinion," Jenne told us. "Yes, orgasms are great, but so is the journey we take to get there. If we slowed down and instead of focusing on achieving an orgasm lived each moment it takes to get there, we would likely find many things that we enjoy but missed because we were looking for that often elusive 'Big O.'"
We Could All Stand to ExperimentBoth Jenne and Hercules felt there was still stigma attached to touching ourselves, which could explain why many people seem so hesitant to experiment. But have you heard that old adage that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become truly expert at something? That’s a lot of masturbating, people, and it won’t be nearly as much fun if you don’t mix things up.
"By simply switching masturbation positions, you will discover some new and pleasurable sensations your body can produce," Jenne said. "If you are in a relationship, try watching or allowing your partner to watch you masturbate. It's surprising what you can learn by simply sitting back and watching, plus it's sexy too!"
Bring a Toy (and Lube!)According to most counts, more than half of all men and women have used a sex toy. If you’re part of the other half, well, you’re missing out. There are literally bajillions of toys out there - more than you can even imagine - and each brings its own unique experience. Have you tried nipple clamps? What about bondage gear? Or Ben Wa balls? Or a sex swing? Or a strap on? OK, so those aren't all necessarily intended to be used for masturbating, but you get the idea. And hey, if you're creative, maybe they could be!
"Sex toys are fun. If you have never used a toy before to masturbate, make sure that when you buy the toy, you also buy a compatible lube. This detail is often overlooked in the toy buying process, but just the addition of a small amount of lube can make a huge difference to the pleasure that a toy can bring," Jenne said.
A high-quality lube is a great tip for guys too. Hercules recommends the Tenga, where lube is a must! (Learn more about lube in The Ins and Outs of Sexual Lubricant.)