Last week, the incomparable Bobbie Morgan brought us some ridiculous sex stories. This week, I go a little more sexually sublime.

Understanding Asexuality

As society grows, sometimes slower than we’d like, we come to understand each other better. Sure, there’s a long way to go before we’re all completely cognizant of our many different cultures, gender expressions and sexualities. But, I think we are moving forward. One group of people particularly affected by misinformation, disdain and stereotyping is Asexuals. Even amongst the wide and varied sex community, asexuals can be met with distrust, confusion and mocking. The main reason? People just do not understand what asexuality is. Fortunately, this fantastic comic does so much to dispel myths and misunderstanding. Thank you, Adri Tibbs!

Bottoms, Up!

Labels, labels, labels. Do we embrace them or embody them? Is someone a Top because they heard about being a top and identify with that label? Or is someone a bottom just because they’ve always felt that way and happen upon the terminology later? Or are these types of identities even wanted at all? This great post on bottoming by The Attractor not only features some excellent anal sex tips (Ear Syringe? Brilliant!) for the receiver but also some compelling thoughts on what we conceive of being a bottom.

Is it Sex Addiction?

I am troubled by this man’s story of his sex addiction. I hate to doubt what he’s saying, but I wonder if there might be a different construction of his story. I have read numerous articles on whether or not sex addiction is a 'thing’ or not, but I am not educated enough to say if it is or if it isn’t. However, in reading this story, I am struck by how little detail of sex is actually included. He instead refers often to his problems with manipulation. He even says "I got an enormous rush from having multiple sexual partners and lying to all of them. This wasn’t about sex, although I did enjoy that; it was about control and power." So...why is this a story about sex addiction? It is this type of situation which muddies the argument about whether sex addiction is a 'thing.’

No Either/Or in Coming

I admit, I followed along with the big clitoral vs. vagina orgasm debate with wide open eyes of surprise and wonder. I really couldn’t figure out why there was a need for this debate, other than to somehow qualify and box in female sexuality. As a fella with a penis who enjoys prostate stimulation, I’ve certainly seen how "researchers" like to say A=X and therefore penis orgasm happens with penile stimulation. Now, my experiences in being sexually pigeonholed do not in any way compare to the historical travesty that is studying women’s sexuality. Women can’t win! Fortunately, one of the best posts I’ve read on women coming is from the wonderful Devi Ward. She wins, hands down (ya pants!).

Mmm, what did you say?

I love that Rachel Astarte starts this wonderful guide to sexspeak with the idea that being asked to talk dirty can feel like "being dropped into a 100-gallon tank of piranhas?" Damn right there’s pressure! For those who aren't totally into talking dirty, even the term can be intimidating. Using the word 'dirty’ in relation to sex reinforces issues of sex and shame. If you’re all good with that term (and so is the person you’re with) then by all means, get as dirty in however way you want. But, I really like the term 'sexspeak’ that Rachel uses. It is far more accessible and not packed with potential issues. And she outlines a great way to get into sexspeak with your sexy playmate! Many people are terrified and really don’t even know how to open their mouth during sex. Rachel’s offering could definitely help us shy folks out.

Getting Skin Deep

Congratulations to the students at Carleton College for starting a nude, erotic magazine! Their start-up is another in a line up of pioneering sex projects that I see coming from younger people. More and more of the events, websites, and writing is being done by people who have grown up in the world changed by the sex radicals of the past 30 years. Much credit goes to those folks who paved the way, but much credit also goes to these students and others like them who are continuing the work to make our world a better, sex-positive place.