If you're reading this, it's probably from your couch, bed or backyard, as the majority of the world has gone into self-isolation in order to flatten the curve of the pandemic that is currently impacting our world.

While some of us enjoy a good weekend at home now and then, as the weeks progress it gets harder and harder to keep things interesting. Especially if self-isolation means you can't see your partner or partners.

However, there are still plenty of fun ways to create intimacy even if you can't be in the same room as your partner. What's an awesome way to create some excitement and intimacy while obeying self-isolation? Phone sex!

The brain is our most powerful sex organ. It's where the magic happens.

Now now, we are well aware that it is 2020, and that many of you would rather video chat, but phone sex is a great old school practice to mastering the art of dirty talk and sex communication. Why not learn some new skills during this quarantine?

If being able to see your partner is super important to you, don't worry. All of these tips are applicable for a sexy video session as well!

If you've never done it before, phone sex and dirty talk might seem daunting. You might feel nervous, silly and unsure of what to say. Or you might be so enthusiastic that you jump right in - only to commit one of the dreaded phone sex faux pas.

The problem is, not everyone's blessed with the throaty voice or the confidence to get hot and heavy on the phone. Here are our top tips for how to have a conversation that's hot, fun and satisfying for everyone involved.

1. It Isn't Funny

OK, sometimes it's a little funny, but the most important phone sex rule, whether you’re a professional or brand spankin' new, is that no matter how silly you feel or what ridiculous or outrageous thing your partner says, you may never, ever laugh.

Laughing will totally break the spell and spoil the fantasy. More importantly, it can cause your partner to feel self-conscious and insecure. If you have to bury your head in a pillow, go ahead and do it. Some fantasies will strike your funny bone. Do not let your partner hear you snickering.

Read: Dirty Talk 101: The Art of Using Your Words

2. Feel It First

Do you feel your sexiest in comfy pajamas or sexy lingerie? Do you like to burn a little incense or light a candle for its flickering soft light? Do whatever makes you feel your best.

The sexiest thing you can be is comfortable and relaxed. Taking a few steps to set the mood will make initiating a sexy chat more comfortable for you. If you feel sexy, you'll sound sexy.

3. Close the Door on Reality

As the popular pro-condom saying goes: Nothing is less romantic than a crying infant. This doesn't just apply to babies; it goes for pets, roommates, and whatever elimination-based reality-show you were watching when the phone rang.

Phone sex is about fantasy and creating a mood, so put the kids to bed, pause your Netflix and focus on the task at hand. Atmosphere is a delicate thing, and any audible distraction can break the façade.

Read: Talk Dirty to Me: The Why and How of Hot Aural Sex

4. Learn the Language of Love

For some, adult conversation just feels awkward. Many of us never got used to using words like "nipple" or "erection" without giggling like a titmouse. *snerk.*

Take some time to think about which words sound sexy to you, and which sound ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with planning some of your conversation ahead of time, especially if you're nervous.

It's also OK to let your partner know what your preferences are. If "boobs" is not a sexy word to you, say so. Take your partner's knowledge and vocabulary into consideration as well. If they have no idea where the G-spot is, telling them how much you love when he hits it will only break the spell.

Read: Sex Communication 101

5. Avoid Technical Problems

Avoiding amateur phone sex mistakes is easy with a little technical preparation. Be sure to charge your phone completely and that you're somewhere with good service or wi-fi connection.

Dropping a sexy call mid-sentence can lead to hurt feelings and all manner of misinterpretations. Turn your phone to 'do not disturb.' Sync your bluetooth headphones. It'll save you a neck cramp and keep your hands free.

If you're using a laptop for video sex, make sure your screen and audio aren't casting to anywhere else in your apartment or house! The same goes for the audio on your phone.

If you're expecting a can't-miss call, leave the sexy convo for another time. Coitus interruptus isn't any better over your cellular network than it is in real life.

6. Master Your Nerves

If you're new to phone sex, chances are you're a little nervous. That's OK. Partners tend to be forgiving, or even aroused by some shyness.

If you really don't know what to say, start by reading your partner something from a steamy magazine or romance novel.

Lower your voice an octave, and try making it a bit breathy. Slow your speech just a little bit, making each word count.

Don't forget - practice makes perfect!

7. Play It Cool

Phone sex can be heavy on fantasy, which can sometimes mean hearing things you aren't expecting, or aren't prepared for. I wouldn't encourage dishonesty or boundary crossing in a relationship, but phone sex is like a game, or maybe a movie.

What goes on in your mind may have nothing to do with your actual relationship, or even your real-life needs and wants. That goes double for your partner.

Even if something surprises you, try to react with something other than shock or revulsion. Now is not the time to tell your partner that a three-way is out of the question.

Read: What It Means If You Fantasize During Sex

8. Divide Up the Work

If you suggested the adult conversation, it will be up to you to take the lead, but whether you initiated the call or not, expecting your partner to do all the talking isn't very fair.

Your partner may be as nervous and shy as you are.

Make it easy. Start by telling a story - even if it's something you saw in a porno that time you watched one in college. Long silences can put too much pressure on your partner - and that's not sexy for anyone.

9. Choose Your Words

Word choices is key in phone sex. You'll want to avoid using words that diminish or describe your partner as anything less than magnificent.

That means avoiding terms like schlong, wiener, winkie, wee wee, or any word a kindergartener would use.

Read: 5 High-Tech Ways to Enjoy Mutual Masturbation

10. Get It Up

Whether or not your adult conversation becomes a mutual masturbation session is entirely up to you. The bottom line is that what turns your partner on is how much you like it.

If you're not having a good time, if the whole act seems forced or labored, forget it.

Read: Double the Fun! 5 Hot Tips on Self Touch for Two

11. Keep the Ball Rolling

Questions can move the conversation along if it starts to lag. Simple ones like "Do you like that?" or "What are your hands doing right now?" can be a good place to start.

Remember, your goal is to keep your partner in the conversation. Questions about tomorrow's flight home or where to find the spare flashlight batteries are not exactly arousing.

Like every other aspect of your relationship, good communication is the key to making phone sex sexy and enjoyable. Sexy calls keep couples close when they have to be apart, and can add a new dimension to physical sex once you're back in the same room.

And once you get used to it, talking dirty really isn't so hard. So relax, get comfy, and pick up that phone!