4 Safer Sex Tips for Women Who Sleep With Women

Most articles about safer sex are aimed at straight people or at gay men. That isn't entirely fair. After all, a significant portion of people identify identify as lesbian, or women who sleep with other women sometimes, or people who have vulvas and sleep with other people who have vulvas, or something else entirely. Regardless of how you identify, this sex info is for you!

So many people - doctors and health care providers included - believe that sex between two (or more) people with vulvas is not risky, but that idea makes a lot of assumptions, such as that women who sleep with women only participate in certain lower-risk sexual activities, or that the people involved have never had sex with someone who has a penis (a lot actually have), and even that talking about sexual health for vulva-bearing folks just isn’t as important.

The reality is that sexual activities that have you mixing fluids with other people, or has one, both, or more of you in contact with each other’s mucus membranes (mouth, vulva, anus) carry STI risks no matter what your gender. The result of the incorrect thinking has been that a lot of people don’t adequately protect themselves and don't get regular testing, because the myths tell them it isn't needed.

Recently, the CDC documented an incident, which the organization labels as "rare," of HIV transmission between women, something that is commonly believed to be impossible.

None of these things is meant to scare anyone away from sex. In fact, we want to empower you to keep your fabulous, sexy self healthy while still getting the sex you want.

Here are four ways to keep yourself and your partner(s) healthy!

Get Informed

What is safer sex anyway? Safer sex is about reducing the risks of transmitting sexually transmitted infections (STIs). STIs can be transmitted through fluid sharing (vaginal secretions, anal secretions, or blood are the primary fluids that can transmit pathogens) and skin-to-skin contact with the mucus membrane(s) (vulva, anus, or mouth) affected by an STI. Safer sex does not make all STI risks go away, but it can reduce them and, in some cases, that risk is greatly reduced.

Sadly, there hasn’t been a ton of research specifically around STIs and vulva-bearing folks who have sex with each other. You can do a bit more reading at the CDC website.

Get Tested, Take Care of Yourself

Many women who have sex with women fear judgment or outright ignorance from their health care providers if they are open and honest about their sex lives. Often, the result of this fear is not getting the sexual health care, or even general health care, you need. If you don’t feel like your provider will respect you, then it’s time to find another provider. A professional, responsible health care worker will not pass judgment and will want to know everything they need to know to help you stay in good health.

Usually, the best way to find good health care is by word of mouth; your friends’ experiences - good and bad - can tell you a lot about where you do and do not want to go for health care, although you can also seek recommendations from your general practitioners, online reviews, etc. LGBT community centers will often keep resource lists that you can use to narrow down your search as well.

Many sexual health clinics indicate in their literature that they provide LGBT-aware services, but private medical practices are less likely to say this explicitly.

You can also search for LGBT friendly providers here.

Once you have found a possible provider, you may want to start by calling the clinic and speaking with a nurse or other medical personnel; it is recommended that you do this before going in for a consultation. It is important to know what you want to ask before speaking with your possible clinic. Some questions you can consider asking include: Has your staff been trained to respond to the needs of LGBT patients? What do you know about the specific health needs of LGBT patients? What experiences have you had with lesbian, bisexual, or gender-variant patients? The responses you receive from asking these questions (open and friendly versus guarded or condescending) can tell you quite a bit about the provider's expertise and willingness to work with you, but seeing them in person is often the only way you’ll know if they will be a good fit. Remember that you are always entitled to respect, and to ask to see a provider who will give you that respect. (Get more tips in Be a Sexy Safer Sex Superhero in 6 Easy Steps.)