Usually, the best way to find good health care is by word of mouth; your friends’ experiences - good and bad - can tell you a lot about where you do and do not want to go for health care, although you can also seek recommendations from your general practitioners, online reviews, etc. LGBT community centers will often keep resource lists that you can use to narrow down your search as well.
Many sexual health clinics indicate in their literature that they provide LGBT-aware services, but private medical practices are less likely to say this explicitly.
You can also search for LGBT friendly providers here.
Once you have found a possible provider, you may want to start by calling the clinic and speaking with a nurse or other medical personnel; it is recommended that you do this before going in for a consultation. It is important to know what you want to ask before speaking with your possible clinic. Some questions you can consider asking include: Has your staff been trained to respond to the needs of LGBT patients? What do you know about the specific health needs of LGBT patients? What experiences have you had with lesbian, bisexual, or gender-variant patients? The responses you receive from asking these questions (open and friendly versus guarded or condescending) can tell you quite a bit about the provider's expertise and willingness to work with you, but seeing them in person is often the only way you’ll know if they will be a good fit. Remember that you are always entitled to respect, and to ask to see a provider who will give you that respect. (Get more tips in Be a Sexy Safer Sex Superhero in 6 Easy Steps.)
Talk With Your Partner(s)
Saying you need to use safer sex practices can be just as matter-of-fact as saying you love kissing, or that nipple-play doesn’t do anything for you so can we please do something else thankyouverymuch. You can let your potential partner know that using barriers, such as dental dams, is important to you or that you prefer to avoid some activities because the risk level feels too high for you - just as a general policy and not as a judgment of them or their health. However, if they don’t want to practice safer sex with you, that’s their choice. Then you and your partner(s) get to choose whether sex just doesn’t happen for you (yeah, that part can really put the damper on an otherwise fabulous date), or you can decide to do things everyone enjoys and that carry less - or no - STI-transmission risk. That might mean things like mutual masturbation, dirty or flirty talk, BDSM activities that don’t involve fluids, massage, and/or anything else you can think of.
It can be helpful to remember, and to remind a partner, that recognizing that someone might have an STI, or knowing that they do, doesn’t make anyone wrong, bad, dirty, or any of the other unpleasant things you may have heard about STIs. It makes them human. Humans can get sick, whether through sexual means or not.
Depending on your comfort level, you might only want to have certain kinds of sex with people after you’ve seen their STI test results. Even if your, and their, results are negative, you’ll want to continue using barriers until both (or all) partners have had at least two rounds of tests come back negative and you both (or all) have agreed that you’re in a monogamous relationship.
Have Fun, Use Barriers!
Barriers, barriers, barriers. Use dental dams for oral sex, gloves for manual (with hands and fingers) sex, and condoms to keep toys clean. Barriers keep your fluids from mingling with your partner’s and reduce the risks of skin-to-skin STI transfer. Contact with another person’s blood can be especially risky health-wise, so barriers are especially important if anyone involved in the sex is having their menstrual period. (Find out why condoms and sex toys make such a great combination in Put a Condom On It (Your Sex Toy).
Gloves protect the wearer and the person whose vagina or anus the giver's fingers or hands are on or in. Gloves keep rough nails from scratching delicate vulvar or anal tissues, which can hurt when torn and increase risk for infection transmission. They also protect the wearer’s hands from vaginal or anal secretions, which can enter the bloodstream through cracked cuticles or open cuts.
If you have long nails, gloves with cotton balls stuffed into the fingertips can prevent uncomfortable abrasions during manual sex.
Keeping sex toys clean is very important and can be done by washing the toy(s) with soap and water. If they do not have a built-in vibrator, you may also be able to sterilize them in a pot of boiling water between uses. (Always check the manufacturer's instructions for cleaning first!) In addition to these processes, using condoms can easily simplify the cleaning process and is useful when a toy cannot be sterilized. (To learn more, read Keeping It Clean: Top Tips for Sex Toy Sanitation.)
Using condoms is also helpful when one toy is to be used with multiple partners or when the toy will be going from the anus to the vagina, as this will help decrease the risk of urinary tract and yeast infections.
Condoms, dental dams and gloves are available in both latex and non-latex materials. For gloves, it is important to ensure that you are not purchasing and using ones that are powdered. For condoms, ensure that you are not using condoms that have a spermicidal lubricant, as this lubricant contains Nonoxynol-9, which is a compound that can irritate the vaginal walls, thus making you and/or your partner(s) more susceptible to infections or irritation.
To learn more (pretty much anything you’d want to know, actually) about barriers and how to use them, take a look at this handy-dandy guide from Scarleteen.
A Final Thought
Having safer sex doesn’t make you boring, stodgy, or unsexy. And it doesn’t have to impact your sense of fun, romance, or spontaneity. Safer sex simply makes you a responsible and caring partner to yourself and to those you want to have sex with.
