Lessons In Sexy: The Only 4 You Need

I heard once that Marilyn Monroe shaved half an inch from the heel of each right shoe she owned in order to wiggle when she walked. I did the same thing to an old pair of stilettos and invented what now must be known as the "drunk robot" lurch. I wasn’t entirely sure what pouting was, but I’d heard it was sexy, and so I stuck my lower lip out like a child about to have a tantrum and hoped I was doing it right. The same goes for black and red. Everybody knows they're sexy colors, right? For at least a year they were the only colors I saw fit to accompany my jerky writhe and full pouty lips (OK, lower lip). Please forgive me. I was only 15.

The truth is, there is no definitive guide on how to be sexy. I’m going to tell you all I've learned - in part while working as a fetish model - and leave it up to you to decide what to wear.

Lesson No.1: Flaunt It Like You've Got It

I bet you already know what’s coming here: Confidence. (The first lesson is always the hardest, right?) I do not mean to imply that shy people cannot make friends or find lovers. Shyness can be adorable. Insecurity, on the other hand, is its annoying little sister. There is nothing less sexy than someone stripping down to little more than lacy bits and then asking about whether they look fat or ugly.

If you’re insecure about something, visualize packing those feelings into a big bag and throwing it out. Invent an alter-ego like Beyonce’s on-stage persona, Sasha Fierce. And, while you're at it, why not surround yourself with the things that make you feel good, such as flattering clothes, supportive friends and your favorite photos of yourself? (Get more tips in 6 Steps That'll Help You Love Love Love Your Naked Self.)

If your insecurities run deeper than just a few worries and are impacting your life, consider looking into a course of therapy. It’s better to get to the root of the feelings and throw them away for good than to feel you have to live with them for the rest of your life. There is no shame in accepting a little help.

Lesson No.2: It's All In the Eyes

The more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more you’ll smile, make eye contact, and use other body language that shows that you're approachable. And that is sexy!

A lover once told me about an awkward sexual experience he had. The girl in question was attractive with an above-average body, and she was interesting to talk to. The problem? She rarely smiled and could not make eye contact before, during or after sex!

"She never gave the impression she enjoyed it, which made me worry I was taking advantage," this guys told me. "Never again!"