It is just human nature to have thoughts and opinions, some of which might be controversial and against the grain. Sometimes they remain ingrained in you and sometimes they shift and change over time, experience and observation. Whether or not you do change your mind on matters is one thing, but the real key is being open to considering a modification. This week’s Sex Stories We Love will help keep you open to change.

Watching and Wondering

“How would you feel watching your partner fuck someone else?” Sure, differing relationship dynamics throughout history have delved into this question, but we just might be at the zenith of poly / open / swinging / non-monogamous connections. I don’t think a day goes by without an article or blog post exploring some variant of this theme. I was particularly intrigued by Cara Sutra’s consideration of her own relationships, including her past and current primary coupling, and how it fits in with desire, happiness and fantasy . This type of personal account, I find, is a more accurate portrayal of the joys and pitfalls of the many different non-monogamous structures being explored than do many of the articles being shared around. These tend to be biased in one direction or the other. Cara’s thoughts, on the other hand, are lived experience.

Racial Equality in Porn

We are living in a time when racial experience is one of the most significant social justice concerns - and rightly so. Racism issues are so deeply entrenched, discussions of race should be permeating all debates and concerns. Porn is no exception. In fact, porn has a long and inglorious past when it comes to racism, from all of producers and directors, to performers to consumers. Currently, the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee (APAC) is trying to work within the adult film community to take steps to ensure progressive racial equality practices. They want to ensure performers are not compensated based on their race. They want to help those in the industry understand the bigger picture if they choose not to perform with someone because of their race. Let’s hope this works.

Breast Play 101

For all the focus on them, you’d think more folks who enjoy playing with breasts would be better at it! Unfortunately, it seems breasts are more often vessels for the other person’s pleasure. Allison Moon is completely right. We really aren’t taught the different ways to pleasure a person’s breasts—or even that there are many different ways to pleasure them! Yet there is hope if you get to know that different people like different forms of stimulation. We understand this about penises and the vulva, so let’s keep that in mind for titties, too. From personal and observed experience, folks tend to dive right in for the nipples. And sure, some people will like that. But the chest and breasts offer so much more than just nipples. Despite how prevalent boobs are in society, it's like we hardly know them at all. Let's do something about that.

Creative Condoms

I really like Toronto Public Health’s latest initiative: a contest to design the wrappers of freely distributed condoms. The city has distributed condoms across town since the 1980s but, buoyed by the recent success of event-branded condoms at the Pan-Am and Olympic games, officials are running this contest that offers some pretty cool prizes to budding graphic designers. That is key here: the aim is not some goofy, jokey design for giggles. It really seems they want a truly good design to catch people’s eyes and further engage them in the need to practice safer sex. I don’t know if other cities have tried to reach people this way, but I think it has tremendous potential.

Porn Pay Fallacy

There is a persistent rumor out there that insists that porn stars are making cash handjobs over fisting. Sure, sometimes certain folks have been able to command pretty significant salaries. Good for them. However, the ever-changing and persistently downsizing adult film industry is not the pot of gold it used to be. Porn performer pay is down so some are turning to the gig economy to make ends meet.This means taking on other economic pursuits, including web camming, stripping, selling panties, and even modelling their between-the-legs moneymakers to make more money. In one sense, this just makes porn fall in line with many other jobs out there. It really is hard to get by in the world today. At the same time, it certainly dispels the high pay rumor. And mostly, it points out the fact that porn is a job with the same concerns and stressors are others.

Game On

The world is becoming more and more gamified by the day. So many apps are devoted to helping us in our daily lives, while at the same time hitting our pleasure and competitive natures. And people are responding! If doing laundry were somehow integrated with an app that made it fun, we’d be all over that. Yet apps and games are also being used to affect some pretty significant social change -particularly with sexual identity. What started with "The Sims" and is now be incorporated into many of the big-name games out there, the opportunity to play as or create players of various sexual and gender identities has been proved to help people in their day-to-day lives. Playing as a trans or queer persona can even be a precursor to sexual self-actualization - and this can change lives.