You have tried the sex in every room of the house, watching porn together and sexting, and now you want more: Edgier! Harder! Kinkier! Forget Valentine's Day gifts like chocolate and even sex toys. Instead, set aside your judgments and come over to the freak side; we don’t have cookies, but we have lots of fun! Here are the top 10 activities to help you get your kink on. (If you're looking for gift ideas too, check out the top toys recommended by our favorite sex toy reviewers.)
Spanking
Go ahead!
Smack that ass! Or bend over and feel the sweet sting of your partner’s hand. One great trick is to be light and sensual with some caressing in between slaps. Hands work great to begin with. Start out with light smacks and increase the force to increase the sensation. Warm up that lovely bottom before going full force on it. For those who seek heavier pain, a
paddle or strap can be used. (Get more tips in
Your Hand, My Ass: Erotic Spanking Tips for Two.)
Role-Play
Think back to when you were a kid and the games you played, such as cops and robbers or cowboys and Indians. Bring this imagination into your sexual encounters as an adult by engaging in some role-play. Be a naughty student who gets taken to the principle’s office. Go see the doctor for an exam. Play boss and secretary. No matter what you choose, role-play is a fun way to start experimenting with being in a different head space. Just think: We can now play pretend
and have orgasms!
Temperature Play
Ice cubes, warm water, candle wax; sensually caressing one another’s body with anything that can change the skin temperature can certainly heat things up. Ice to nipples followed by a warm tongue can heighten arousal. Or try dripping warm wax slowly over your partner's skin, then peeling it off sensuously after it cools. Safety comes first, so do your homework to make sure you know how to do temperature play safely. (Check out
Keep Your Cool: 5 Unique Toys Designed for Temperature Play.)
Bondage
Rope, handcuffs, collars, oh my! With such a variety to choose from, it can be daunting to know where to start. Best advice: start simple. Add a pair of furry handcuffs to one encounter. Grab a scarf and tie your partner's wrists together, or to the bedposts. Experiment with different ways of tying each other up to discover what works best for you - and what turns you on the most! (Why should you try it? Find out in
Why Bondage Can Be So Much Fun.)
Flogging
This activity can be quite intimidating to those taking a step into BDSM. Visions of slaves whipped to blood like in the movies is what often comes to mind. However,
flogging (not whipping) can be an extremely sensual (and painless) activity. Choose a flogger made of a soft material to begin. You can even start with a rabbit fur one for comfort. The primary goal is to caress your partner's skin to heighten sensations.
Worship
Love a particular area of your partner’s body? Then spend some extra time lavishing attention on it. Do not hurry to get to the end result of sex. Revel in your partner's erogenous zones. Go slowly up and down each ear if that is what keeps the juices flowing. If you love breasts, spend an hour massaging them with oil. Feet? Kiss and suck those toes! Whatever area turns you on, take the time to shower it with an extra bit of attention. Your partner will love it too!
Fetishism
This is a huge area and it's open to just about anything and everything. The only rules are consent and safety (and legality, but we hope that one's obvious). If you like high heels, leather, latex, silk, girdles, fur, or spandex - the list is endless - now is the chance to play with it. Put on your sexiest heels and have sex just in them. Have a thing for lace? Buy those sexy panties and tease your partner by allowing a brief peek while in the car together. Blindfold each other and use the fetish of your choice all over each other. Bring in whatever material or article turns you and your partner on. (Leather is a common fetish. Find out why in
Why Leather Belongs In the Fetish Hall of Fame.)
Gender Play
Exchange roles for a day. If you are usually femme, take on the masculine role. Gender play can include cross-dressing and feminization. Add a little bit of role-play in where gender roles are reversed. Wear the opposite gender clothing for fun. Do a strip tease in a suit with feminine lingerie underneath. Fluidity is the key to many kinks and engaging in gender play can provide a better understanding of pushing one’s boundaries. Do respect each other’s desires and identity in this area though.
Compression
This activity refers to anything that squeezes or pinches. Many new kinksters start with clothespins or
clamps on sensitive bits. Grab a pair of household clothespins and experiment with placing them on each other. Nipples, cocks and ears all respond well to compression. Squeeze a little nipple when engaged in foreplay, and then lick it softly. Place clothespins on each other in sensitive areas; let them intensify for a while and then slowly remove them, all the while kissing the sensitive area. (Get more hot tips in an
Introduction to Genital Clamps for Women.)
Food Play
A little dab will do you, honey! Drizzle honey or chocolate sauce on your partner’s body and lick it off. Place it in strategic places then nibble away. Dip your toes in champagne and have it sucked off. We have all seen the endless varieties of playful food play on TV and in movies. Come up with your own creative implementation of this fun kink. Food play, or
sploshing, can be messy so be prepared to clean up afterward. Also, keep in mind that most foods, especially raw meat or foods that contain sugar, should not be inserted into a body. (Get more tips in
A Beginner's Guide to Food Play.)
But Before You Get Kinky ...
Remember that in all sexual encounters, mutual respect should be present. If someone is uncomfortable, do not force. No means no. When engaging in kink, use a
safeword. This is a single word that can be uttered when one partner's had enough and wants play to stop. Red is commonly known within the BDSM community as a stop word, however you can use whatever word works for you. It should be easy to remember. You should also do your homework before engaging in a new activity, including learning about how to play safe. After that, kink is all about fun. It's a way for adults to play, so indulge in a few bucket list items. And enjoy!
