Did you enjoy this year's #AdultSexEdMonth? Did you learn lots about sex and everything it intersects with? I hope we did you proud, Bobbie. We'll always be grateful for this legacy that you left behind.

Silent Sex

As #AdultSexEdMonth draws to a close for this year, I am pretty sure that I just learned a new favourite sex term from one of my favorite folks, Cara Sutra. While sharing the silent seduction of quiet sex, Cara drops the phrase "noise bondage" into my sight and it immediately rings true to my ears. The restraint of having to be quiet to make sex happen is such an underrated pleasure, one that we only seem to use in times of need. It really doesn't have to be that way. Challenging yourself and your partner to be as quiet as possible can be super sexy when you're fooling around in public and when you're getting busy at home with nobody around. It is just that idea, as Cara describes so well, or temptation and not being allowed to make any noise. The sound of silence, indeed.

Quite the Mouthful

Yeah, I just can't get the idea of getting head while enjoying a coffee. Not because I’m against blow jobs! Not because I’m against sex workers! Not because I’m against coffee! Because if I’m getting some good lip service and trying to drink a hot beverage, somebody is going to get burned: either me or the worker providing service. It is going to be messy, but not in the way you think. Can Switzerland’s proposed fellatio cafe brew up hot and sexy times? Or is this a pretty flaccid idea? Have we just learned that you drink tea with your pinky out and coffee with your dinky out?

Don’t Crush the Reality

It really is inevitable. Everyone will experience at least one crush and it might confuse the hell out of you. Regardless of how strong your relationship is, regardless how much you love your partner, you will, at some point, develop a crush on a person who is not your partner. This can be a very difficult situation for some folks. It flies in the face of all that society tells us about falling in love. However, it is a completely natural and normal thing. This excellent collection of advice on how to handle your feelings when you realize you have a crush while in a relationship by Dr. Trina Read is a super helpful resource to check out. She doesn’t pull any punches. Your crush could be a benign little thing or it could be a signal about your relationship. Either way, there's definitely something for all of us to learn here.

Setting Sex Positivity Straight

Here’s something I hope a lot of people can learn and truly respect because this piece blew my mind with how much it resonates in me: sex positivity does not mean a sex free-for-all. Greta Christina has written the strongest work on the misconceptions, bad behavior, and lack of decorum that can exist in the “sex positive” community. She’s calling out the toxic male behaviors. She’s calling out the imposition of seeking sex in places, with people, and within power imbalances. She’s calling out the lack of sex positive ethics. And she does it all brilliantly. Having lived some of what she describes and hating the fuck out of it, I greatly respect her ability to bring these things to light. I hope this piece goes far and wide across the sex community so the sometimes illusionary veil of of this loaded term is lifted.

Not Sold on It

Did it shock me that property porn is the hot new thing on the smut menu? Yes ... and no. A lot of people are fixated on real estate and a lot of people love the idea of randomly hooking up with someone you’ve just met because you’re thrown together by circumstance. So, no, I am not surprised. I am surprised, however, that people still like to enjoy porn that is clearly about class and gender exploitation. Sure, not all property porn is, but when there are scenes about landlords extorting sex from tenants who can’t pay the rent, that makes my skin crawl. Too many people are in dire straits when it comes to housing. Too many people are underhoused or homeless. Exploiting a social condition that predominantly ravages marginalized communities is not a yum for me.

The Lengths We Go

I started off with the best new thing I’ve learned, and I close with the most bizarre thing I’ve learned about sex this week. Injecting Botox in dicks is a thing. Well, at least in an experimental sense. A recent, small study of small penises was conducted to make those cocks not so small. Ten men were given Botox injections to reduce their flaccid-state shrinkage situations and get more length. (Not to de-wrinkle their dicks, although that thought does make me giggle.) There was actually a strong body image issue at play. Men are heavily judged on the size of their cocks - in both erect and flaccid pole position. And fellas who don’t measure up can be greatly affected by this. Ridiculous, right? Can we all learn one thing, soon? Can we all learn that bodies are bodies are bodies and to just cut that shit out?