Anyone newly enlightened (about anything) can be overzealous, but because fetish contains a sexual element, excessive chatter about it is likely to do more damage to your reputation than simply being labeled "terminally boring." I can assure you that most of your colleagues do not want to hear about your weekend flogging. The community on Fetlife.com might. Understand the difference.
Beauty Is Bigger Than You Think
If you have a pulse, chances are that you've felt inadequate at some point. When it comes to physical appearance, we’re all confronted with a cookie-cutter ideal look every single day on TV, in the movies and in magazines. This imaginary red arrow pointing at all our "flaws" cannot be healthy. Did you know the word "cellulite" did not even begin appearing in mainstream magazines until the '60s? Now, we have even more degrading terms, like "underbutt," "armpit vagina" and "carb face," among other, equally ridiculous, insults.
Don't get me wrong: The fetish modeling industry still has an "ideal." In general, fetish models are curvy and either very petite or very tall, and we usually have long hair. Still, there are more exceptions to the norm compared with other industries and in my opinion, the fetish scene itself has a healthier approach to beauty.
Last year, I was eating dinner at an awards ceremony and one of my fellow guests was a dominatrix. She was a mature woman and I’m sure that some people would have used a liberal amount of Photoshop before deeming her conventionally attractive, yet men quite literally worshiped at her feet. She calls herself "Goddess." (What does a domme do? Learn more in A Day In the Life of a Professional Dominatrix.)
I also follow the blog of a submissive lady who documents her many and varied encounters. Her huge fan base adores her - this woman they have never met. She has cellulite (she’s blogged about it!), she is not stick-thin, yet she's told she is beautiful almost every day.
I despised my big, muscular thighs, my scar from an abseiling accident, my pointy nose, my large areolas - the list would go on, but it was modeling that taught me nothing was wrong with any of those features.
My point is that many of the revered women in fetish do not fit the standards of conventional beauty. Can this be illustrated any more clearly than in the stroke of genius that cast Lara Pulver in the role of "The Woman" (dominatrix Irene Adler) in the BBC series "Sherlock"? She’s thin, with small breasts and a narrow, blood-red smile. When dressed, she resembles a first lady more than an FHM glamazon, and yet she commands the attention of every person sharing the screen - and watching it too.
I was afraid that the character would be unrealistic, a snarling, whip toting, melodramatic howler of a caricature. Instead, this strange beauty is wonderfully representative of one of the best things I have learned as a fetish model: there is more beauty out there than I thought.
